Out Of The Frying Pan
by Ronja-R
Summary: Blair discovers that she's pregnant, and Chuck's reaction isn't quite what she had expected. I suck at writing summaries, so you'll have to read to find out more. Completed
1. Chapter 1

I've had this all-but-finished story sitting around for months now while I've tried to get it just the way I want it. Originally meant to be a three-parter but when I realized I was at around 100 pages I decided to split it up into several.

The last episode I've seen is "**The Empire Strikes Jack**", but unfortunately I haven't been able to completely avoid spoilers so I know that Chair have broken up. I've rewritten this some more after finding that out but I wrote it to take place in the fall of 2010 so I ended up keeping it that way. In this particular story Chuck and Blair are back together (let's just assume that in this story's universe they got back together in the season three finally), but both Nate/Serena and Lily/Rufus are broken up.

All the chapters are basically done, but I'm rewriting and reworking, so it might still be a while between updates. Any suggestions or comments will be most helpful but please try not to give me any further spoilers… By and by I'll try to adjust the chapters based on what happens in the rest of the season but I'll do it when I've watched the episodes.

With all that said… let's get to the story!

* * *

It was a moment of sheer horror. At first she couldn't even believe it. She tried again but it didn't work this time either.

A sharp sensation of panic swept through her and her mouth went dry. This just could not be happening. She sucked in her tummy and tried again but still no results.

"Oh God" she whimpered in disbelief.

"What?" Chuck asked.

She didn't answer. They were in his bedroom at the Empire, getting dressed before breakfast. He was working his way into his three piece suit while eyeing the countless bowties he could choose from, visible in the open drawer in front of him. Blair was on the other end of the room, on her side of the bed, getting into her clothes. Her stockings were in place, as was her bra, visible through the creamy silk blouse she hadn't buttoned yet. But her skirt.

It wasn't new. If it had been she might have been able to tell herself she had gotten the wrong size by mistake. It wouldn't be the first time something like that had happened when she was in a hurry. But she had already worn this skirt twice before and it had fitted her perfectly both times. Not today however. Today the zipper refused to close. It was too small.

She gulped and was thankful she had her back to Chuck as she glanced down at her waistline. It didn't look any bigger than before. What the hell was wrong? She had been a size 2 since forever. Clearly this was some odd mistake and she had gotten someone else's chocolate skirt back from the dry cleaner's.

Chuck picked a bowtie and finished dressing himself while she stood there pondering her next move. Clearly the skirt was a no go. The only question was how to discard it without making too big a deal out of it.

"What's wrong?" Chuck asked, walking over to her.

"Nothing."

His hands landed on her arms and she felt his body pressed up against her back. His lips landed by her ear before he took a deep breath to enjoy the smell of her shampoo.

"My skirt got shrunk in the wash" she mumbled and let the thing drop to the floor. "That's all."

"It got shrunk at the dry cleaner's?" Chuck questioned.

"Obviously. It's suddenly too small."

Wisely he didn't say anything. She bent down and picked up the skirt, then walked over to the large closet and threw the skirt in a corner. She started going through her collection of skirts hanging in neat rows, organized by Dorota in two sections, everyday and formal. She picked a navy blue skirt Chuck had bought for her when they first started going out and walked back out to the bedroom. Chuck watched her with a smile, enjoying the sight of her in a thong and with her bra visible, while he tried to put on his wristwatch without looking.

"Remind me to tell Dorota never to go to that dry cleaner again" Blair said and stepped into the navy skirt.

She pulled it up and grabbed the zipper. The look on her face when it didn't go all the way up would have made Chuck laugh if it wasn't for the knowledge that if he did he wouldn't be getting to _un_zip anything for her for a long time.

"This can't be happening" Blair exclaimed. "I can_not_ have… have…" She gulped. "I cannot have gained weight."

"You have been looking a little fuller lately" Chuck said, tempting fate. "My little pudge."

Blair gasped and shot him a death glare.

"Chuck Bass, you are--"

"Don't get your thong in a twist" he said and held up his hands disarmingly. "I kind of like it. It's not like you're even in the same tri-state area as fat or chubby, an extra pound or two looks good on you. Plus it makes you a little more comfortable to lie on top of."

That last one was bound to be a mistake but he couldn't resist an opportunity to point it out. He had always thought she could stand to gain a size or two, but weight wasn't something he liked discussing with his formerly bulimic girlfriend.

She yelped and then scoffed at him, almost stomping her foot. How dare he make such a comment?

"I _cannot_ believe you!" she shrieked. "You are not going to be lying on top of me for a good long while Bass, I can tell you that!"

"Relax" he said as casually as possible. "So a skirt or two isn't fitting you this morning, so what? Come on Blair, it's really no wonder. All that water you've been drinking recently? Where do you think it's going to go? Just… stop drinking a camel's worth of water every day and you'll be back to your previous size in no time. But for the record I like you this size."

"Who cares? You're expected to like me even if I'm a size 40" Blair snarled and stomped into the closet.

"Like I said, it's bound to be all the water you've been drinking."

"I do not drink excessive amounts of water!" her voice snarled from inside the closet.

"You also drink a lot of OJ, diet soda and a drink every here and there."

She stomped back out, now without the blouse but with a dress in hand, and shot him a murderous look.

"I'm thirsty" she told him. "Besides, water is good for you. It cleans the body."

"I'm sure one liter a day would do that" Chuck said. "You don't need to drink three."

She pulled the dress over her head, relieved that it cooperatively fell down her body the way it should and didn't get stuck anywhere along the way. She walked over to the mirror and studied herself carefully, turning to look at herself from the side.

"You look ravishing" Chuck told her, sitting down on the bed to put his shoes on. "Don't worry about it."

"If it were that time of the month then I wouldn't" Blair said sullenly and started rummaging her jewelry case for something that matched her dress. "But it's two days past that and this is the first time I haven't been able to fit into my skirts since… Dr. Pepper went to medical school."

Chuck laughed and gave her an appreciative look.

"You look ravishing" he repeated.

"Ew, no, don't look at me" she frowned. "You're only saying that because it's your duty."

"Cut back on the water and stop worrying" he said, getting up from the bed. "If you're going to worry about something it should be those persistent headaches."

"They're nothing" she said, deciding upon a pair of earrings.

"No they're not" he said, casting her a concerned glance. "You've been having a constant headache for a while now and--"

"So long as the headaches don't get in the way of your sexlife then you have no cause to complain about them" Blair said. "Not that me being unwilling to have sex is going to be a problem right now. I look so hideous that you're going to need Viagra and a blindfold to even touch me."

He sighed and put his hands on her arms again. With most women he would have embarked on a speech on how ridiculous this weight obsession was, but with Blair he was afraid to say or do the wrong thing. He was already making mental notes to keep a very close eye on her for a few weeks to make sure she wasn't falling back into bulimia to shed the extra two or three pounds she had gained. Pounds he would like to keep.

"Listen…" he said, capturing her eyes in the mirror. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. Do you think you've gotten uglier in the past couple of days? Think again. You are every bit as lovely as you ever were and a few extra pounds does nothing to change that. You and I both know that you are on the skinny side, you would practically have to gain a whole extra you to be obese. And this is an easy fix. Lay off the water, go spend some time in the hotel gym for a day or two and maybe no macaroons until next week? You'll fit into those skirts again within a few days."

"If my mother knew that I--" Blair began dejectedly but he cut her off with a shush.

"Eleanor spends her time with anorexic models, the type who fall dead on the runway because all they've eaten in the past six months is a couple of crackers and an orange. Evaluating yourself based on her standards would be like me basing my view on good morals off of how my father lived his life. Or an alien race evaluating whether or not humans are an intelligent life form based on studying Nate or Serena."

She couldn't help but giggle. He wrapped his arms closer around her and drew her near, kissing her cheek. She kept looking into his eyes in the mirror, avoiding looking down at her waistline. On a rational level she knew that he was right. This was nothing. But that was easier said than done when her history made her want to starve or purge herself until all of those skirts not only fitted but were loose.

He kissed her hair and then walked out to have breakfast. She swallowed, turned to the side to eye her figure again and wondered if there was any way she would be able to skip breakfast without Chuck protesting. She could tell him she would eat in the limo, or that she had to call Dorota and that he shouldn't wait for her, she would eat after he had left. But she knew it was futile. He would see through any attempts to skip breakfast or to eat it without him being present and it would only make him watch her like a hawk for the next couple of days, making it even more difficult to eat with an appetite around him. Better then to eat her breakfast now like a good little girl and give him no reason to be concerned, so that she could skip her meals later on, or, if it came to that, purge them.

She cast one last look at herself in the mirror and felt how dry her mouth was. She didn't want to fall back into the pattern of binging and purging. She wanted to be stronger than that. Chuck was right, what did a few extra pounds matter? They could easily be shed with a little discipline. She had to be stronger than the disease.

She walked out and joined him by the breakfast table where Nate was absentmindedly chewing on a particularly rubbery looking waffle while trying to understand anything at all from the course literature he was reading. Chuck was buried in the business section of the Times while trying to drink a cup of coffee and eat an egg at the same time. Blair shook her head.

"You two are so social it freaks me" she sighed and took a seat.

"Huh?" both said, looking up from what they were reading.

"Nate would you hand me the grapefruit?" she asked.

She could probably get away with eating a fairly fat free breakfast if she let it consist mainly of grapefruit and some low-fat yogurt.

Nate and Chuck both returned to their reading and she reached for the pitcher of orange juice. She was thirsty, like she always seemed to be these days. Without a second thought she filled a large glass to the brim with juice before catching sight in the corner of her eye of Chuck glancing up from his paper. The glance only lasted a fraction of a second but it was enough to remind her of his earlier speech about how much she was drinking these days.

With a forced smile she pushed the glass towards him.

"Here you go sweetie" she said with her most endearing voice while grabbing a far too small glass for herself.

Chuck looked perplexed. He had already had a glass of orange juice, Blair knew very well that he drank his juice first and moved on to coffee later. Nate looked up from his book again with a confused expression.

"Sweetie?" he echoed, not used to hearing endearments pass between Blair and Chuck.

Blair smiled at them both and acted as if it wasn't a big deal while stabbing the grapefruit with her spoon. In an apparent fit of loyalty Chuck put down his coffee cup and picked up the glass of juice. It was roughly three times more than he liked to drink, and the thought of gulping it all down in addition to the glass he had already had made him feel nauseous, but in an effort not to anger the beast he took a few deep sips.

Nate chuckled and finished his waffle before getting up to leave the other two to themselves. Blair wolfed down her grapefruit, momentarily forgetting about her vow to eat less as the juicy fruit helped relieve her thirst at least a little. She then more or less inhaled her yogurt, finished with breakfast before Chuck had even finished his first egg. She rose promptly, placed a kiss on his cheek and fled to the bathroom to brush her teeth. The moment she was out of sight she heard him empty the contents of his glass back into the pitcher.

His eyes trailed after her and he resisted the urge to follow her into the bathroom to make sure she wasn't letting her breakfast come back up. To his relief she returned after only two minutes, looking far more chipper than he knew she felt, and when she leaned down to kiss him goodbye he felt the taste of toothpaste which assured him that she had indeed only been brushing her teeth.

"Have a great day" she chirped.

"See you later" he replied, eyeing her as she headed for the elevator.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late" Blair said, not meaning a word.

She stumbled into the waiting chair and parked her shopping bags on another without casting a glance at her lunch date. Serena looked at her with a raised eyebrow but decided not to say anything. She had been waiting for Blair for nearly half an hour but now that her friend was here she didn't want to start off their lunch by arguing.

"I wasn't even planning on going shopping" Blair sighed, taking off her coat. "It just happened."

"Like it's wont to do" Serena said and suppressed a giggle.

"Why did we have to meet here?" Blair asked and took a look around with a frown that made it seem like she was in New York's filthiest fast food joint rather than a five star establishment.

"Because they have a wonderful shrimp plate and I am dying for it" Serena said and handed her open menu to Blair. "Since you are so late I am only giving you five minutes to glance through the menu before we order. I'm starving!"

Blair made a face but obediently glanced at the menu. A waiter appeared almost instantly and they both ordered a drink. Blair couldn't wait for it to arrive as she tried to decide what to order. She wasn't feeling the least bit hungry and would happily have skipped both lunch and dinner if it wasn't for the fact that she had made these lunch plans with Serena a week ago.

"Ready to order yet?" Serena asked when their drinks finally arrived.

"Fine" Blair said. "I'll have the Caesar salad. No dressing."

"Yum" Serena said with faked enthusiasm and ordered the shrimp plate for herself.

The waiter disappeared and Blair took a deep sip from her drink. Serena eyed her and had her weekly moment of wondering how sane her best friend really was. They both sat in silence for a while, Serena waiting for Blair to speak but getting nothing.

"Bad day?" she finally offered.

"Serena I have to tell someone" Blair said before taking a deep sip from her drink.

"Then I nominate me" Serena said.

"This is serious."

"I'm pretty sure that this is you being overly dramatic, but go ahead" Serena said.

"I think there's something wrong with me" Blair said with a small voice.

"I'll say" Serena snorted. "I've known that since ten minutes after we first met. By now it's obvious to everyone; you're the only person in the world who loves Chuck Bass."

"I'm serious Serena" Blair said, something in her voice making Serena look up from her drink.

"Well… What do you mean wrong?" she asked.

"I've been… having these headaches."

"So would I if I went to bed next to Chuck every night" Serena commented dryly.

"Forget it" Blair sighed and rolled her eyes.

"No, I'm sorry B" Serena said. "I just couldn't resist. So you're having migraines?"

"I didn't say migraines" Blair corrected her. "Just headaches. At first I didn't pay much attention to it but now they're almost daily. And I'm constantly tired, it's like I haven't been fully rested in weeks. Plus I'm thirsty all the time."

"Maybe you're drinking too much water then, and that's causing the headaches?" Serena guessed.

"Rock solid theory" Blair snarled, wondering why both Chuck and Serena seemed hell-bent on attributing her symptoms to how much she was drinking.

"People get headaches Blair" Serena said and shrugged a shoulder. "Don't you think you're just stressed out right now?"

"No I don't think that's it" Blair said. "So I called my doctor and made an appointment for this afternoon."

"Well if that can help put your mind at ease… I'm sure it's nothing, B."

"The Internet begs to differ."

"Don't tell me, you googled your symptoms? Blair, google itchy feet and you'll find a website that tells you you've got cancer and will be dead by the end of the week. I thought you would be smarter than to go online for something like that."

"I am, which is why I've made the doctor's appointment" Blair said. "And no, I don't think I have cancer. I did look into it of course, but apparently brain tumors also cause nausea and my stomach has been just fine. Annoyingly enough."

Serena didn't bother trying to figure out what the last comment was supposed to mean. Their food arrived and Blair proceeded to push things around on her plate, only occasionally putting something in her mouth, while Serena ate her shrimps like there was no tomorrow.

"Cancer is off the table" Blair said. "At least I'm fairly sure of it. That doesn't mean that I'm out of the woods."

"Maybe Chuck gave you an STD."

"Serena!"

"What?" Serena said innocently. "It is Chuck."

"And you're a perfect display of virtue?"

"Maybe not, but between his eras of monogamy Chuck could out-slut me any day of the week" Serena said and bit down on another shrimp.

"It's not an STD" Blair said with a tired sigh. "I'm thinking diabetes."

"Diabetes? Like with needles and stuff?"

"It fits. And do you understand what this means Serena?"

"… Needles?" Serena guessed.

"It means no more macaroons, no more feasting on fruit and berries, because they're supposedly packed with glucose, having to have my meals at the same time each day with no wiggle room--"

"Okay, slow down Blair" Serena said. "First of all you know Belinda Weston has diabetes and you didn't see her staying away from fruit or pastries or always eating at the exact same hour every day, now did you?"

"Who cares how some unimportant girl we went to high school with handles things?" Blair fretted. "Did you know that diabetics have higher risk pregnancies?"

"No. What does that matter? You're not planning on getting pregnant, are you?"

"Of course not. But if I'm diabetic today I'm still going to be diabetic five to ten years from now when Chuck and I want to settle down. Did you also know that diabetics risk blindness, kidney failure and _amputation_?"

Serena couldn't help but roll her eyes. Not that she wasn't concerned for Blair's sake, and if she did indeed have diabetes then Serena would be as sympathetic as could be. Still she had a sneaking suspicion Blair wasn't thinking logically about it, and that in her best friend's head she would be blind, on dialysis with several amputated limbs while going through a high risk pregnancy before Christmas.

"Okay, Blair, I know that it would suck if you're indeed sick" she said. "Believe me, nobody wants to see you healthy more than I do. But don't let your imagination get the best of you, okay? What does Chuck say about all this?"

"I haven't told him" Blair admitted and stabbed an anchovy. "I didn't want him to worry. And, I didn't go online until about an hour ago, which by the way is what set off the shopping that made me arrive late."

"If you had told him he would have told you to relax and see what the doctor has to say before you start planning your funeral. I hope you realize there's a great chance the doctor will laugh at you and send you home with some aspirin because you're blowing simple headaches way out of proportion?"

"Or he will confirm my deepest fears and I will be forced to go home to my boyfriend and tell him he's now dating damaged goods."

"That's highly offensive to diabetics everywhere" Serena said and took a sip from her drink. "In fact, that's highly offensive to anyone who's got anything more severe than the sniffles."

"Ugh, I can't eat this" Blair groaned and tossed her fork onto the plate. "All I can think about is the doctor's appointment. Finish your seafood and come shopping with me S. Help me take my mind off it."

"I wish I could" Serena said. "But I have to be at my mom's in an hour. She's in one of her redecorating moods and has her sights set on my closet. If I don't go in there and salvage whatever I want salvaged she's going to throw away a lot of expensive couture."

"Can't it wait until tomorrow? If you've left the clothes at Lily's this long they can't be _that_ fabulous."

"Sorry B, but Mom is doing this today and there is nothing I can do to stop her" Serena sighed. "It's all part of her Rufus cleansing ritual. But do call me when you've been to the doctor."

Blair sighed and nodded. She cast a glance at her watch, partly wishing time could move faster and partly wishing it would stand still.

* * *

Blair felt about ready to cry. Her heart was pounding in her chest and even though she tried to appear cool and collected she had a sneaking suspicion that anyone who looked at her for more than two seconds would be able to tell how shaken she was.

She was sitting on the comfortable sofa outside her doctor's office, impatiently waiting. He had already seen her, examined her and given her his initial thoughts on a diagnosis. He had come to the same conclusion that she had, that if it wasn't stress or allergies then it was most likely type two diabetes.

The fact that he had specified it as type two annoyed her. Blair Waldorf was never a type two anything. She was a one, not a two. Right now she was desperately hoping she wasn't a type anything. She had quickly dismissed the suggestion that her problems might be caused by stress. She wasn't particularly stressed, if anything she had been a lot less stressed in the past couple of weeks than she had been earlier that year. Things were good with Chuck, college was going okay and she was at Columbia now rather than NYU, and there hadn't been any real drama in her life for a while now.

The second suggestion, allergies, might have some more merit. Right now she was praying for it to be a simple allergy to dust, or something else that could easily be controlled by controlling her environment. She had never thought allergies would seem appealing but suddenly they did.

Dr. Millbrook had drawn some blood and made her leave a urine sample, just to be on the safe side. The former had been annoying and painful and the latter humiliating, but at least the two liters of water she had already drank today had come to some form of use. Dr. Millbrook had then wandered off to run an errand and asked her to wait, since apparently some results came back almost right away from the lab, glucose being one of them.

She sat and waited impatiently while Dr. Millbrook was in with another patient. There were several fashion magazines available to tread but she didn't feel interested in any of them. She couldn't relax, and her only attempt at distracting herself with fashion spreads had proven to be pointless.

The annoyingly cheerful nurse behind the desk had offered her coffee but she had turned it down, for which she thought the nurse was now thankful. Blair was fidgeting enough as it was, and the thought of how her body would handle caffeine right now wasn't too pleasant.

She sighed and glanced at the clock on the wall again. It had been almost forty minutes. What was taking so long? The doctor had told her that he did suspect diabetes, and if she was about to be handed bad news she wanted it to be handed to her right away. She could already see the vision she had of her future disappearing, even though Serena had told her she was ridiculous she would have to change any of her plans for the future just because she was diagnosed with something her doctor annoyingly insisted on calling a type two something. Blair begged to differ. Her perfect life had no place for disease, at least not any disease that lasted for longer than a couple of weeks at the most.

She glanced at the clock again and fought the urge to give Chuck a call. He didn't know she had a doctor's appointment and it would be too complicated to try and explain the whole thing to him now over the phone. Plus she would probably ruin his concentration for whatever he was working on at the moment and since there was still a slight chance that there was nothing seriously wrong with her she didn't want to do that. Still, hearing his voice would be exactly what she needed to calm herself right now. For a second she toyed with the idea of calling him just to tell him she loved him and hear him say it back, but she was too high strung at the moment to be able to sound casual so he would immediately be able to tell that something was wrong. Probably he'd chalk it up to being about her weight gain, but listening to him talk about how she shouldn't worry about her weight was the last thing she wanted right now.

Deciding to settle for a medium option between not talking to him and talking to him she sent him a quick text, simply saying those three words, eight letters. She often texted him during the day, either to say those words or to share any other thought that passed through her head. He wouldn't think it was strange or out of place.

After five minutes she got a reply, saying "_My little lamb_". She didn't know whether to frown or be touched. He tended to call her "lamb" as an endearment when she was sad or feeling under the weather, and today it was no doubt prompted by the incident this morning. That annoyed her, but at the same time it felt good to be called that by him when she was feeling both sad and under the weather at the same time.

Finally Dr. Millbrook finished with his other patient and called her in, having received the early results from her labs. She took a deep breath, rose and walked into the doctor's office.

* * *

Chuck arrived home that evening and his first thought was that the power had apparently gone out. Which he immediately dismissed, given that he had just gotten off the power driven elevator in which the lights worked perfectly, just as all the other lights and electronic equipment in his hotel. But his penthouse suite was dark, lit only by what seemed to be several hundred candles, Blair's trademark.

Nate obviously wasn't home, not that that came as a surprise. Chuck rarely saw Nate these days and if Blair had taken to lighting these many candles his roommate was the last person Chuck wanted to see.

"Blair?" he called out, kicking off his shoes before stepping further inside.

He noticed that soft music started to play and then he walked into the dining area and caught sight of her. She was wearing a gorgeous yellow dress, long enough to be proper but low enough to be seductive, and when she turned to face him the first thing he noticed was that she had done something with her chest to make it seem fuller. She didn't often highlight her bosom through her outfits, claiming that was Serena's whole thing and that a proper lady wouldn't call attention to her chest, but he also knew she was aware that he loved it when she dressed in a way that highlighted that particular feature. The empire cut of her dress further served to draw his eyes below hers.

She was also wearing a lovely smile, highlighted by his favorite shade of lipstick, her face framed with the kind of thick curls she arranged her hair in when she wanted him to spend a lot of time running his hands through it. Before they became involved he had never known just how much she enjoyed having someone run their fingers through her hair or massage her scalp but she could lie placidly for hours while he did just that.

All in all her appearance, and the appearance of his penthouse, signaled that she was feeling good and relaxed. Which was an unbelievable relief. He had worried all day long that she would be balancing on the edge, risking to fall back into old destructive patterns. Obviously something had changed during the day to make the worried frown from this morning disappear so completely.

Unless it was all a trick, a ruse to lower his guard and pull the wool over his eyes so that he would never think to notice what was actually going on. He suddenly found himself to be on his guard. If she was truly relaxed and in a good place then this was going to be an evening to remember, but if she wasn't he would detect it. Blair had reacted to bad news in the past by going freakishly calm and that never turned out well in the long run.

"Hi Chuck" she said with a pleased smile and picked up two champagne flutes from the table behind her.

She walked over and handed one to him, which he took without question. She clinked her glass to his and they both took a sip. His eyes never left her while he did his best to hide that he was searching for any signs that she might be putting on a show for him. She just smiled and looked at him in a way they both knew made him melt as she slowly ran her finger along the brim of the flute.

"Finally you're home" she said. "Dinner's ready."

She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips before turning and walking back to the table. He took his eyes off her for a second, finally noticing there was more on the table than just candlesticks.

The table had been set with the Empire's finest china, resting on the finest tablecloth, and a bouquet of flowers sat in a vase. Waiting for them was also a fondue dish, four bowls, one with chicken, one with pork, one with beef, and one with vegetables, and a whole collection of sauces. There was a larger bowl as well, covered by a lid, and he guessed there was some form of potatoes inside.

He smirked. Clever girl. Fondue took time to eat, and she would be able to eat as little as possible without him being able to tell because of the dim lighting, the fondue pot in-between them and by keeping him occupied with trying to fill his own stomach with the slow pace of the meal.

"I thought we could have a nice, romantic dinner, just you and me" she said, voice soft as silk. "Come, sit."

He obediently walked over and pulled out her chair for her. After she was properly seated he took a seat opposite her and suddenly realized that he hadn't said a single word since he saw her. He took a sip of champagne and eyed her appreciatively.

"You look… astounding."

"Oh, in this old rag?" she said with a jesting smile.

He smirked. So she was fishing for compliments? That was a good sign, unless it was exactly what she knew he would be waiting to hear, in which case it was a bad sign. Hell, this was confusing.

She smiled and increased the small flame underneath the fondue set, signaling that she wanted to start dinner.

"How was your day?" she asked gently while moving vegetables over to her plate.

"Busy."

"Mine too."

He reached over to the bowl of chicken and used one of his two dipping forks to stab a piece and put it in the pot. She leaned over to put her two forks in the pot and treated him to an even better view of her cleavage. Clever girl indeed.

The candles, the music, the romantic dinner and her appearance this evening made it hard for him to focus on anything other than how he wanted to evening to end. Although "end" was probably the wrong word. He wanted to devote a lot of time tonight to what came after dinner.

Either this was exactly what she had planned, distracting him with seduction, or she was simply just in the mood for a romantic night. He didn't want to doubt her if the latter was the case, but he also didn't want to be sidetracked by her. The little vixen knew exactly how to get his attention and how to make his blood leave his brain for southern regions in a haste, leaving him less capable of seeing through her schemes.

"How was lunch with Serena?" he asked, stabbing a large piece of beef with his other dipping fork.

"Not so good" she admitted. "I had a lot on my mind and Serena had some ridiculous seafood cravings. I didn't get too much down, which is why I'm starved now."

"If you're starved, why the fondue? Why not something that will fill you quicker?"

"Because I want a romantic meal with my boyfriend" she said cutely and lifted her two forks from the pot. "I have something in store for you later."

"Do you now?" he said, in a voice that had gotten huskier, the way it often did when he was getting aroused.

"Mm-hm" Blair said while chewing on a potato.

She handed the bowl of potatoes over to him before she put a piece of broccoli on one dipping fork and a piece of pork on the other and placed both in the pot. For a moment he forgot all about his attempts to keep a close eye on her and let his mind wander to what he would do to her once dinner was finished and time came for dessert. Then he snapped back to attention. Why was it so annoyingly easy for her to make him lose focus? He would have to concentrate and not let her divert his attention.

She moved the conversation over to college, and then to how his day had been, keeping the exchange smoothly flowing while they took their time with dinner. Most of the meal was spent waiting for another piece to be done, during which time their hands met on the table and they played with each other's fingers. He almost forgot all about his concerns as dinner went on, lost in the atmosphere she had created and in how it felt to be near her. Slowly his resolve began to weaken without him even realizing it.

"You really do look astonishing" he said when they had been eating for a while.

"I'm glad" she smiled at him. "I dressed for you."

He smirked. He knew she dressed for him. He loved how she still liked to do that, even though their relationship was no longer new and shiny.

"I wish I'd known there was a dress code" he said.

"You look fine. This coconut sauce really is amazing" she said, taking her eyes off him and moving them back to her plate.

"Oh everything is amazing" he offered generously.

She smiled at him in that lovely way again and he reached for her hand just as it was about to put another dipping fork into the pot. She looked up at him with surprise.

"Forget that. Come here" he said.

She gave him a playful look, stuck the fork in the pot and rose from her chair. She took a deep sip from her glass before walking over to him. He moved his chair out, grabbed her hand and sat her down in his lap.

"My, we are impatient tonight" she remarked with a pleased smile.

Without replying he pulled her close and kissed her hungrily. Their lips parted and they shared a look before her now open lips were on his again. He wrapped his arms around her and let his tongue slowly dance with hers, enjoying the slow, sensual kiss. Right now he didn't give half a damn about what her real purpose behind this dinner was. If she wanted to divert his attention this way then he would gladly let her. At least this once.

She broke the kiss, gave him a triumphant smile and reached for her dipping fork. She fished it out from the pot and ate the piece of broccoli right off it.

"Who'd ever thought eating broccoli could look so hot?" he mumbled.

She giggled and slowly ate the vegetable. He realized she was probably teasing him, taking her sweet time to eat something to show him that she wasn't going to starve herself. Not that starving herself had ever been her thing, really.

When she was finished with the broccoli she leaned in and kissed him again. The kiss left no doubt in his mind that dinner was now finished, even if he was still a bit hungry. There was no way he would be able to focus on fondue right now.

"As wrong as it feels to say this…" he said when their lips parted. "I think we'd better extinguish the flame."

She reluctantly rose from his lap to allow him to lean in and blow out the flame keeping the pot hot. He then motioned for her to return to his lap which she obediently did, seeking out his lips with hers. She tasted like coconut and a dozen other things at once, a bit like dinner only a hundred times better.

"I told you I had a surprise for you…" she smiled right when he was about to suggest they continue this with less clothes on.

"I can't wait" he grinned, imagining what kind of sexy underwear she was no doubt sporting underneath that dress.

"You distract me" she giggled as he started letting his tongue play at the nape of her neck.

"That's because I know you like it when I'm bad" he said, giving her a suggestive look before taking a sip from his champagne.

"Just give me your attention for five minutes and then you can be as bad as you want" she said.

He froze for a second and looked at her with a little more clarity, a little less lust. Uh-oh. That request had made the alarms in his head go off. Obviously he had been played. She wanted something, and it wasn't sex.

"I thought you would be happy to know that I went to see Dr. Millbrook today" she said, gently caressing his hair.

"Yay?" he said uncertainly.

"You said this morning you were concerned about my headaches."

"So what did he say?"

He felt a tight knot of worry in his stomach. Everything Blair had done this evening could mean two vastly different things. Was she treating him to this seductive dinner to celebrate a clean bill of health? Or was she miles deep into denial mode, rushing to her usual defense that if she pretended that everything was perfect then everything would be?

"I told him everything. How tired I've been lately, the headaches, everything."

"And?" Chuck asked, looking at her sternly. "Are we feasting because he told you there was nothing to worry about, or is this a preparation for the apocalypse?"

Something in her smile shifted, making the knot in his stomach tighten. Was she actually sick? If she was it had to be serious for her to put on this display of denial. The thought of her being gravely ill made him sick. What would he do then?

"I guess you can look at it… both ways" she said ambiguously.

"Please don't beat around the bush, just tell me."

"I thought it was good news. I was expecting the worst so what he had to say seemed quite okay by comparison."

"But there is something wrong?"

She let her fingers gently caress his cheek and wondered if she would be able to seduce him back into a good mood. Probably not. All desire had left his eyes and instead he looked at her with eyes that she couldn't quite read. She wanted him in a good mood before she told him what had happened but the chances of that scenario were getting slimmer by the minute. The best she could hope for now was that he wouldn't grow outright angry.

"I was relieved when Dr. Millbrook gave me the news" Blair told him. "I thought I had something awful, like diabetes."

"I'd take diabetes any day over some of the thoughts going through my mind right now" Chuck confessed. "What's wrong with diabetes?"

"Let's not pull on that thread right now" Blair sighed.

"Okay, so it's not diabetes. What is it then? Stress? Please tell me it's stress. I can think of about a hundred different ways I could help you unwind. We could go on a trip! Somewhere hot and humid where all we'd have to do is lie by the pool or at the beach, live off of tropical drinks and have very sweaty sex."

"I'm not stressed Chuck. Seriously though, don't worry. I thought what Dr. Millbrook told me was good news and I'm hoping you will feel the same way. I've been in a good mood all day since I left his office."

"So it is nothing then?" Chuck said.

"No there is something."

"Then tell me now, let's not drag it out and build up a ton of drama around it."

"Just shut up for a second…" Blair said, putting a finger on his lips. "And let me kiss you. Then let me talk."

She kissed him again but he wasn't as responsive as before. She groaned inwardly. This wasn't how she had wanted to tell him about the day she had had.

"Chuck…" she said slowly, looking into his eyes and caressing his cheek.

"Blair. What did you find out at the doctor's?"

"That we're having a baby."

* * *

I'm really unsure about this story so if you have any thoughts about it at all, good or bad, please let me know.

I should point out that my medical knowledge is pretty limited, and some things have been tweaked a bit to fit in better, so my apologies for anything that might seem medically incorrect. And I know the premise for this story isn't all that original, but hopefully the spin I've put on it will make it seem interesting.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the response on chapter one! I'm glad people seem to enjoy it, and that I was able to fool a few of you for at least a little while ;)

This chapter is more on the serious side, but I'll try to get back to the lighter side of things later on.

* * *

It was a moment of sheer horror. For both him and her. Chuck stared at his girlfriend as if she had just revealed herself to be the antichrist and Blair suddenly realized that he might not think this news was as wonderful as she had thought it was.

"What?" he finally stuttered after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"Please think this is as wonderful as I think it is" she said with a hopeful smile.

He looked at her for half a minute more, at a complete loss for words. Then he less than gently lifted her off his lap and rose to his feet. Feeling unsure Blair backed back to her own chair, sat down and took a deep gulp from her glass. Chuck saw her in the corner of his eye and spun around.

"Don't!"

"Don't what?"

"Drink champagne!"

"It's not champagne."

"This…" he said, holding up his own flute. "… is champagne. Damn fine champagne too, I might add. Which, I guess, if we have to give the kid his first drunken stupor we might as well do it with style."

"Chuck."

"You've been drinking this all night. You've got to be kidding me. This is a joke, right?"

"_You_ have champagne. I'm drinking non-alcoholic cider."

He stared at her again, fumbling to find words. He then sank back down on his chair, trying to make some sense of the information he had just received. No sense wanted to be made. Nothing had prepared him for this piece of news. He hadn't suspected this for even a second. Especially not since he had believed that her flute was filled with champagne just like his was.

Then another thought hit him as his eyes fell on the raw meat sitting in their bowls on the table between them.

"Wait, you ate fondue, is that really safe when..?"

"I think so" she said, slightly unsure. "I basically only ate vegetables."

"Yes, but…"

She eyed him nervously and let her hand slide down to her belly, where it had rested numerous times during the afternoon. She had known he would be surprised, hell, _she_ had been incredibly surprised, but she had hoped for a little more… enthusiasm.

Not that she had expected him to jump to his feet, lift her up in his arms and spin her around and around while crying with joy. Not _expected_, though certainly toyed with the idea. Like a best case scenario. Still, logic had told her that his initial reaction would probably not be overwhelming joy. But she hadn't expected this. She had been so ecstatic when she found out, how was it possible that he didn't seem even the least bit excited?

"Obviously Dr. Millbrook got the results wrong" he said. "False positive. There is no possible way that you can be pregnant."

"We practice the art of baby making on a very regular basis" she reminded him.

"You're on the pill."

"No method of birth control is a hundred percent" she reminded him.

"Yes, but… We've only had sex once since your last period ended, which was just two days ago, how can you be _pregnant_ already? Doesn't it take at least a few days from when the thing is actually conceived until you can know that you're pregnant? It's too soon for something like that, we last had sex only like forty hours ago. You're telling me that sometime around… the fourth of July we will be having a child? Like, two months after I turn twenty? That a baby is basically going to be what I get for leaving the teens behind?"

"Actually, here's the thing…"

"If you're about to tell me that this was all a joke then I would advise you to get a better sense of humor. And a lawyer."

"It's not a joke Chuck. I was as surprised as you are, believe me. I thought I was sick, that there was something horribly wrong with me. Instead Dr. Millbrook told me I was going to have a baby. Yes it's out of the blue, but as far as news from the doctor goes, that's kind of on the 'good' side of things."

"We haven't even discussed whether or not we want kids" Chuck pointed out. "Why would we have? We're teenagers."

"Having a very adult dinner. In a penthouse suite at the hotel you own. We're not regular teenagers."

"In some ways we really are."

"I know it's sudden."

"Sudden doesn't even begin to…"

He sighed and emptied his glass of champagne, grabbing the bottle to fill the flute up again.

"Please" Blair said urgently. "This isn't so bad."

"I'm just not ready to be a father nine months from now."

"Unfortunately…" Blair said, wanting to run and hide, having gotten to the part she had always known would be difficult for him to hear, even if he had loved the news of the pregnancy. "It's going to happen a little earlier than that."

"Right" he said, feeling like an idiot. "You're a few weeks along or something, right? So the baby comes in June?"

"You may want to put the glass down" Blair said worriedly, waiting until he did before she continued. "I'm in my second trimester."

"You're what?" he echoed, feeling panic rise in his throat.

"The… baby… is fifteen weeks old."

For a second she thought Chuck might faint but he seemed to settle for turning awfully white. He gulped and stated at her with disbelief before reaching for the champagne again. Only he had decided that the flute just wasn't big enough, and took a large gulp directly from the bottle. Blair watched him in silence, waiting for him to say something. Then he seemed to relax and it looked as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Honestly Blair you really freaked me out there for a second" he said. "Obviously you're going to have to get a second opinion. Don't you see how absurd this is? Dr. Millbrook either got your results mixed up with another patient's, or it was a false positive, or he just plain sucks as a doctor. Either way I'm going to sue his ass off and make sure he never works in this city again. He can't just tell people stuff like that without being sure."

"There's been no mistake Chuck" Blair said plainly.

"Obviously there has been" he argued.

"No."

"Blair, don't you hear the sheer ridiculousness of it all? You're just clinging to this because then you would have a natural reason to have gained a size. But you're not pregnant. You couldn't possibly be. Not fifteen weeks pregnant at least, and I highly doubt that I knocked you up the last time we engaging in sinful activity. Pregnancies don't sneak by unnoticed, there are a lot of ways you would be able to tell."

"That isn't always the case."

"I'm fairly sure we would have both noticed morning sickness" he said. "You can hide a lot from me, but morning sickness? Not a chance."

"I agree. I haven't been feeling nauseous. Not everyone does."

"Well how about this little telltale piece of evidence… Your period has been arriving each month."

"Women sometimes get what appears to be periods even though they're pregnant" Blair told him, having had it explained herself by Dr. Millbrook earlier in the day.

"Oh, so you're having a magical pregnancy that doesn't affect your body in the slightest? What are the odds of that?"

"It's not unheard of for women not to notice at first" Blair argued. "Especially when they're not expecting to get pregnant. Some don't even know they're pregnant until they give birth."

"Ah, the powers of denial. They seem to be failing me right now."

"There have been tells, only we didn't know it" Blair said gently, reaching for his hand across the table and exhaling with relief when he let her take it. "Like how I've constantly been tired. Or my headaches. Or the fact that I've been drinking all this water."

"Since when do headaches and thirst equal bun in the oven?"

"Since when does lack of nausea disprove pregnancy?"

He opened his mouth to shoot her arguments down but couldn't come up with anything to say. He studied her intently, trying to find some sign in her face that maybe she wasn't as sure about this as she made it sound. But there was nothing.

"And there's the weight gain" she said.

He swallowed hard and gazed down to what little he could see of her belly above the table. He couldn't deny that gaining weight was something that went hand in hand with being pregnant, even if there could be a thousand other things that would add to her waistline. Those extra pounds he had loved, were they actually a baby? There was no way.

His eyes drifted further up and landed on her chest. Her chest which seemed much fuller now than it had before. He had thought about it just this evening when he got home. And he had thought about it in bed earlier, attributing it to her simply putting on a few pounds. Deep down though he realized that based on his limited medical knowledge that didn't make much sense. Drinking lots of water might lead to her putting on extra weight but it wouldn't be stored in her bra.

"Look…" she said softly. "This is quite a shocker. I know. But when Dr. Millbrook told me, I wasn't horrified or scared. I just felt incredibly relieved and happy. Surely that's some sort of sign?"

"You went there believing you were seriously ill" Chuck argued. "Any news that wasn't what you were worried about would make you relieved and happy. I seriously think we need a second opinion."

"He didn't screw up, Chuck. He didn't make a mistake."

"How the hell do you know?"

"We did a sonogram" Blair said.

She let the information sink in for a few minutes, seeing the wheels turning in Chuck's head as he processed it. She wished she had thought to get a still picture from the sonogram to show him, but truthfully it hadn't been much to see, and either way she wanted him to see it live for the first time and not in a still photo.

She wished he would look at her but he didn't. He stared off into the distance for a good while before he spoke.

"Blair I need to think about this."

She nervously bit her bottom lip. What was there to think about?

"It's wonderful news Chuck" she tried. "I've been so happy all afternoon, ever since I found out. Surely you'll feel the same way, once the news settles?"

"Blair…"

For the first time she started to feel really worried. There was something about the look on his face, the way he had taken the news, the way he now said her name. Something that told her this might not at all go the way she had hoped.

"It will be alright" she insisted. "It's unexpected, but it's ours."

"I'm sorry but I don't share your wild joy at this news" he said. "Frankly I… God, I need… I need some air, I need to think."

He rose from his seat and walked away from the table. Blair shot up from her chair and hurried after.

"Chuck? Where are you going?"

"For a walk" he said, stopping and turning to look at her. "I need some air, I feel like I'm suffocating in here. I can't think, not with you in the room."

"Chuck…" she said pleadingly.

"You've had all afternoon to let this sink in" he said, sounding angry now. "Give me fifteen damn minutes!"

"I was thrilled from the first moment" Blair admitted, sounding slightly scared.

He saw her hands automatically drawing towards her belly, resting just where he knew her waistline had grown bigger. He turned away, unable to look at her or he would suffocate. The bomb she had dropped on him tightened his chest and for a second he wondered if he would have a panic attack.

"Well I'm not" he finally said, sticking his feet in his shoes. "I don't think this is good news. A baby was not part of the deal right now. I need to process this and I can't do it while you're in the room."

"Then I'll go" she said in a small voice.

He didn't answer her, he just walked to the elevator and got in without casting another glance at her. She stood silently and watched him leave, shivering from either cold, sadness or shock or perhaps a combination of the three.

When he was gone she sat down on the couch and just stared into space for the longest time. She couldn't form a coherent thought, at least not one that wouldn't frighten her too much. He had walked away. Her boyfriend, Chuck, he had walked away. Running away was his trademark and true to form had bolted as fast as he possibly could.

She waited silently for what seemed like forever, banishing every thought from her mind, concentrating on keeping her mind entirely blank. If only he'd just come back already, so they could talk about this like the adults they would now have to be. But he didn't come. She didn't know if she'd been sitting there for minutes or for an hour but Chuck didn't come.

She rose, as if in a trance, and walked back into the dining area. Focusing on the task at hand she cleared the table, put saran wrap over the bowls they hadn't emptied and placed them in the refrigerator. She was vaguely aware that nobody would eat the leftovers but she was working on autopilot and was barely even aware of what she was doing. She grabbed the fondue pot and emptied its contents into the sink before scrubbing it forcefully for several minutes, probably much longer than what was good for it.

She continued her self-appointed job of cleaning up after them until the table had been cleared, the dishes had been done and the only evidence left of a romantic dinner was the flowers, the music, the candles and the bottle of champagne still standing on the table.

The sight of the champagne made her snap for a second. She grabbed it and threw it in the sink, not caring in the slightest that the Empire's most expensive champagne was being lost down the drain. She then quickly turned off the music, feeling almost mocked by the soft love tunes playing over this far from successful scene.

Lastly she began to blow out the candles, one by one, moving from the table to the rest of the room, trying to remember everywhere she had placed candles. The room grew dark and she walked over to the light switch, letting the room bathe in artificial light. She didn't want any reminder of the disastrous evening and the sharp contrast it made to the night she had been hoping to have. Every little piece of evidence of the scene Chuck had walked in to when he got home felt like it was mocking her foolishness for believing that her nineteen year-old boyfriend would be happy to hear that he was going to be a father before he was out of his teens.

When there was nothing more for her to do she sat back down on the couch. By now it had been at least an hour since Chuck left, perhaps as much as two. She wasn't sure what the time had been when he had walked out of the penthouse but a quick glance at the clock now told her it was past ten and no matter what he should be home by now. The fact that he wasn't made her worry. Had he grabbed a key to another room down in the lobby to avoid having to see her again tonight? With Chuck you never knew. He might as well be en route to Zimbabwe at this point, true to his devotion to running away from everything that scared him.

The clock kept ticking and she realized he probably wasn't going to show up anytime soon. She was hungry and wanted something to eat more than what little she had had of the fondue. She grabbed the phone sitting on the coffee table and called room-service, ordering up a large plate of ravioli. She hung up and then wondered if pregnant women were even supposed to eat ravioli. She had no clue. All she knew was that there were a million things pregnant women needed to avoid but she had no idea what those things were.

"Oh God" she groaned as a new realization hit her. "Poor baby."

Her hands began to caress the small bump she had hated with such a passion this morning, but which she know was growing more and more fond of by the minute. She couldn't help but wonder how fond the little being inside that bump was of her.

"You're not even sixteen weeks old and already I've really put you through the ringer" she complained. "I've been kind of drunk at least twice in the past four months, had a drink more times than I can count. God knows what I have eaten that is likely to kill you or make you come out with three feet, fifteen toes on each and an extra nose. The fact that you're still around means you're either an incredible survivor or you're some sort of damaged mutant. Then again that would probably be true no matter what I ate or drank, you _are_ Chuck's after all."

She looked down at her stomach and realized she was looking at her yellow dress. She hadn't thought to change out of it but it was another sign of the scene that had taken a turn for the worse. She couldn't bear to wear it another second and hurried up to change.

She stormed into the closet and almost tripped over something lying on the floor. A chocolate brown skirt, the one she hadn't been able to fit into that same morning. With a frustrated cry she gave the skirt a kick.

"This is all _your_ fault" she yelled at the piece of fabric. "All of it is because of you! Everything was fine until you didn't fit me anymore!"

Then she groaned loudly, wondering how insane one had to be to yell, scream and pass on blame to a skirt. She got out of her dress as fast as possible but hadn't found anything else to wear before the elevator rang.

Chuck.

Letting the dress lie where it had fallen she hurried back out, but before she had been able to decide whether to yell at him, turn on the waterworks or simply wait silently for him to say something she discovered that it wasn't Chuck.

The guy from room-service turned a deeper shade of red than anything she had ever seen before, mortified that he had seen the boss' girlfriend in nothing but silk stockings, a thong and a bra that presented her chest in a way that made him forever jealous of his employer. Blair quickly darted back into the bedroom and grabbed her robe, trying as best as she could to save the few remaining shreds of her dignity.

"Thank you Alonso" she said, grabbing some money she found in her pocket and handed it to him as a tip. "That will be all."

The guy blushed again but took the money before backing out of the room, not caring the least that she had called him Alonso when his name was actually Ian. He stole a glance of her as she bent over to pick up the steaming hot plate of pasta and wondered if this was the best work day of his life, or the worst. Maybe his last if the boss found out about it.

Blair sat down on the couch and wolfed down the food at a pace that was surely a new record. Then she felt an overwhelming urge to stick her fingers down her throat but she forced herself not to do it. She had to think about the baby.

She got up and walked back into the closet, picking out a grey everyday dress to wear and then hung both the yellow dress and the brown skirt up on hangers. Why wasn't Chuck back yet? Seriously, this was getting ridiculous.

Walking back out from the closet she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and noticed that she was still wearing the makeup from before and her hair was still styled in those curls. She lifted a hand and ran it slowly through a strain of her hair, feeling utterly depressed that it wasn't Chuck who ran his hands through it instead.

Kicking off her heels, which she also suddenly realized she was still wearing, she headed for the bathroom to clean the makeup off her face and do something different with her hair. She couldn't stand the thought of looking like this for one more minute.

Why hadn't Chuck come back home?

* * *

When he walked outside he had no real idea where he was going. He just needed air, and some time to think.

How in the world could any of what Blair had told him be for real? Pregnant? Come on! And four months pregnant at that? He had never really believed in the stories about women who didn't realize they were pregnant until they went into labor. Those women must have known on some level, you did not carry around another person for nine months and never have the slightest idea. And how could one be pregnant and nobody could tell from looking at your stomach? It made no sense.

Even if it had made sense that still didn't mean Blair's story did. Not for a second did he think she had known for months without telling him; if she was in fact pregnant then she had found out today. But she couldn't possibly be carrying his child. There were too many things pointing against it.

And what if she was? He had to try and wrap his mind around that though because as much as he wanted to deny it he had to admit that there was a risk that what she had said tonight was true. Even if the risk was minimal he still had to try and make some sense out of it, figure out what to do in case of this worst case scenario coming true.

He wasn't ready to be a father. Hell, he wasn't ready to be a live-in boyfriend. Blair still spent a few nights a week at the dorms and he needed those nights to himself. Living with her full-time would be too much, no matter how much he loved her he wasn't ready for that step. Never mind having a baby in only five months time.

The thought made him feel sick. Five months? That was nothing. Not even half a year. Too little time to do much of anything. It was roughly the timeframe he had in mind for when he would have found a new place to open a club. Now they had to start buying rattles and cradles and bibs? Good Lord, he would have a heart attack if he had to go out and buy something baby related unless it was for someone else's brat.

They had never talked about the future, nothing further ahead than a couple of months at the most. They had both wanted to take each day as it came and enjoy the ride for now, figuring they'd have plenty of time to discuss future commitments later on. Abandoning the playboy lifestyle in favor of being a boyfriend had been a huge enough step for him; Blair had seen that and she had never pressured him about what lied ahead.

If what she had told him tonight was true then that meant his future was sealed. Parenthood, before his own life had even begun for real.

He continued to walk and tried to make some sense out of the thoughts flying through his head, but pretty soon it all just became a jumble. This was too much too fast, it would put too big a strain on their relationship. They were too young to become parents.

They would be _awful_ parents. He would be just like Bart and she would be just like Eleanor and the poor brat would never stand a chance at any form of happiness because it would be raised by two people in competition over who could scar it the most.

He pulled his suit jacket closer around him, shivering in the wind, and wished he would have remembered to put a coat on before he rushed out the door. Did he even want to have children at all? He'd never thought about it for real. His father had never given the impression that parenthood was a blessing, more like an unending nuisance, having kids only got in the way of everything, crippling your life and distracting you from your career. He hadn't even thought much about whether or not Blair might want to have babies at some point. He had never pictured her as a doting stay-at-home mother.

Every instinct in his body told him that this pregnancy was the last thing he wanted. He clung to hope that Blair's doctor had been wrong after all, and if that turned out to be the case he would promptly schedule an appointment for a vasectomy to prevent future scares. Or at least insist that he and Blair go back to using condoms in addition to her being on the pill, although the thought of that wasn't very appealing.

If she was pregnant then he would have only five months to make peace with the thought. He would probably need at least five years. And a personality transplant.

Eventually he had to admit to himself what was really going on. He was scared. Out of his mind. He was scared that he would have to change his focus from the career and the business he wanted to build and instead become someone who sat at home with a kid. But he was also scared that he would put a child of his own through the same kind of thing Bart had done to him, and leave the kid at home to go build his empire. He was scared that he would not be able to do all the things he wanted to do before possibly settling down, travel, party, be spontaneous. You couldn't spontaneously jet off to Monaco when you had a child. At least not without bringing the thing, and a whole host of nannies, and that didn't sound like a fun and exciting trip in the least.

He was practically petrified at the thought of all the changes he would have to make to his life if a baby came into it. He didn't want a single one of those changes. He liked his life the way it was, and while there were a few things he would like to change, adding a kid to the mix was the last kind of change he was looking for.

He was also scared for him and Blair. How would their relationship handle something like this? It had been put through enough in the past year, and he didn't want anything to rock the boat. With a baby in the picture they would be forced together in a way he didn't want.

If they ended up being the couple that went the distance and stuck together for the rest of their lives he wanted it to happen naturally, and not because they felt they had to once their child had been born. He was worried one of them might wake up ten or twenty years down the line and wonder if they would be in this relationship still if it wasn't for the child.

If they for whatever reason decided to part ways even with the kid, they would still always be forced to be a part of each other's lives. Blair would probably demand a say in whatever women he dated, since they would be potential stepmothers. They would be unable to fully move on since the other one would never be out of their life. And he would have to watch whatever man Blair found down the line share a life not only with Chuck's beloved but also with his child.

Why was Blair even so happy about this? She had acted as if she expected him to think it was amazing news, the kind of way a pregnant woman might act if they were telling their husband that the baby they had been trying to conceive for a long time was finally on its way. Not the kind of way a teenager would act when telling their boyfriend that oops, there had been an accident and now life was over.

He took a deep breath and tried to figure out what to say to her when he saw her again.

* * *

Blair stood in the kitchen, doing the dishes from her room-service dinner even though she knew she didn't have to, when the thought she had been trying to escape the most hit her hard and refused to let go.

What if he didn't want her to keep it?

It was ridiculous how fast she had grown attached to this thing inside of her; she hadn't even fully grasped yet that she was in fact carrying a baby yet the thought of having to give it up was crippling. She couldn't possibly get rid of it, not when it was alive inside of her.

What would she do if Chuck demanded that she have an abortion? There was no way she would go through with it. Could she live the rest of her life with the knowledge that her child's father wanted her to let it die?

She didn't want to think that he was capable of asking something like that of her. She knew he had no problem with abortion, in fact she knew he had gotten a girl pregnant when he was fifteen and made sure she got rid of it. It wasn't something she liked to think about, but logically she knew that insisting upon an abortion was the first thing Chuck would do in that situation and the fact that he had done it changed nothing. Or at least it hadn't until now.

Blair wasn't just some random girl he hooked up with, or one of his plain prostitutes. She was the girl he loved, and as such this baby was different from the start. It had been conceived through love and there was no doubt in her mind that a few years down the line she and Chuck would be married and starting a family. Even though they never spoke about things like that she firmly believed that his vision of their future matched her own, so all this really was was someone arriving early to the party. Right? He wouldn't be able to demand that she killed the product of their love, she had to believe that.

Walking out from the kitchen she once again sank down on the couch and hated every minute that passed by without him coming back home. She was scared and alone and desperately needed to talk to someone, but who? There was nobody she could turn to, she needed to figure this out with the person she was in the boat with.

The fairytale that had been playing in her mind ever since she left Dr. Millbrook's office was quickly fading away. She had imagined that he would be happy, or at least alright with the idea. Over the next couple of weeks they would read baby books together, he would come with her to doctor's appointments and see the sonograms, they would start planning for the arrival of their baby. Sometime in March they would be a family, a big, happy, smiling family, full of all the love they had both craved in their own families. This child would be on the receiving end of the exact picture perfect childhood both she and Chuck and had to do without.

Instead it now looked like the baby would arrive to a not too welcoming home, saddled with a father who ran away when he found out about the pregnancy. The poor thing. Already drenched in alcohol numerous times while still in the womb, waiting to be born to a parent who didn't want him or her.

She knew it was crazy that she had reacted the way she had when she found out. It was too soon after hearing the shocking news, she shouldn't be able to grasp yet what was really going on, and truth be told his reaction was probably the more logical one. But she had grasped it and accepted the idea, from the very first moment. Maybe it was because it was inside of her, maybe because it was a piece of Chuck that nobody would ever be able to take away from her. Sure, she had been forced to pinch herself a couple of times during the day to believe it was all really true, but she imagined most women reacted that way even when they had taken a pregnancy test expecting it to be positive. The thought of becoming a mother had sunk in astonishingly fast and she felt very protective of this little thing in her belly.

Blair didn't even mind the scandal and gossip that might follow with having a baby at the age of twenty, fathered by her boyfriend of only slightly more than a year. Nor did she care too much about how it would affect college. Though the last part might be because she hadn't given more than a second's thought to that particular detail yet.

In her mind she saw herself glowing with motherly bliss, walking around the streets of New York with her perfect baby in the most expensive pram available to mankind. She would hold her child, dress it in the most adorable outfits – designer dresses if it was a girl, tiny suits if it was a boy – and laugh and play with her baby to her heart's content. She hadn't thought much about things like late night feedings, diaper change or spit up. Those aspects of parenting could be left to hired help. Blair's role in the baby's life was to be the adoring mother who played and smiled and cuddled, someone else could do the dirty work.

In addition, she figured it was probably a good thing to have children at an early age. When her daughter reached her teens Blair would be the youthful, fun mother who was more like a cool friend, a _best_ friend. If it turned out to be a boy she would be the fun and beautiful mother he was proud to be seen with in public. People would think she was her child's older sister, or at the very least marvel at how someone as young and vibrant as her could be the mother of a child at whatever age the kid was at that point.

True, she would have to make some sacrifices. Her figure was her worst concern, but she had heard somewhere that women who had babies when they were young were more likely to get their old figure back. And there was also the option of tummy tucks or having her boobs lifted if they didn't look like they should a year from now.

Another adjustment she would have to make was to be a bit older than she had planned when she left college behind and stepped into the career world. She had always liked the thought of being successful at a young age, no matter what she was trying to be successful at, but so what if she graduated college a year later than intended? It was only a year.

The only real dark cloud on her horizon was Chuck and his reaction. She could live with her fairytale turning out slightly different than how she had imagined it this afternoon, but the one thing she couldn't make peace with was the idea of being a single mother. That would just be embarrassing, people would talk and whisper behind her back and probably pity her as well. No matter how she excelled at motherhood people would always feel sorry for her. Becoming a single mom at age twenty was something middleclass people did, not high standing young women on the Upper East Side.

Raising her child with Chuck was a whole other thing altogether. It would be almost traditional, young people find true love, settle down at an early age, raise beautiful children. If they were together everything would be great. If she was alone everything would be awful. Especially if they stayed together at first but split shortly after the baby was born. Then everyone would be talking about how the child was an accident and how they were yet another one of those couples who moved too fast and burned out almost right away.

Surely Chuck wouldn't want to run for good? Baby or no baby, they were in love. They belonged together. He was the one she wanted for life, she knew that, and she had been hoping he felt the same way about her. If he ran away now then everything she had believed about the future would fall apart. And all the fears she'd been trying to ignore since spring would come back full force.

She would just have to relax for a moment and trust in their love for one another to help them come to a joint conclusion about all this. If he would just come back home they could sit down and talk. He could share his concerns and thoughts with her and she would listen. She could then tell him how she felt about it, and maybe make him see that this could be a very good thing.

It _was_ a good thing. It was a child, a product of him and her, a real, living being that was the ultimate proof of how good they were together. Maybe he couldn't see that right now, probably because it wasn't real to him yet, which she could perhaps understand. After all, she might have had a much harder time believing the news if the baby wasn't inside of her.

If he couldn't see it now then he would when the baby was born. Or when he saw it on the sonogram. Once it became something real, something he could look at and, after birth, touch then he would come around. It was their boy or girl and he would love him or her like she was beginning to.

First he had to come home. The longer he stayed away the more frightened she got. Why didn't he come home?

* * *

Chuck had no idea what the time was when he got back to the suite. The place was dark, as he had expected it to be, and it felt good to step into the darkness. He had always been more prone to dark than light anyway.

He kicked off his shoes and threw his suit jacket over the motorcycle in the hallway before walking in to his bedroom. Even though it was dark he could see that she was there, curled up on her side, facing away from his side of the bed.

Without a word he got undressed and slipped into his pajamas. Blair lifted her head for a second when he crawled into bed and he knew she was awake. He scooted closer to her and spooned her, gently running his right hand down her arm.

"Hey" he whispered.

No response came. He wondered how she was doing, what her evening had been like after he'd left for his several hours long walk. He should probably feel bad about having walked away from her like that but he had done the only thing he was able to do. But he hadn't expected her to wait around for him.

"I'm glad you're still here" he whispered.

"I thought about leaving…" she admitted. "But the time for running away is behind us Chuck."

"I know."

Silence fell again. He placed a kiss on her shoulder, wanting to let her know that he was there, that he hadn't walked away from _them_. A few minutes passed by without either of them speaking. His hand ran up and down her arm again and began to move down to her hips but he stopped himself when he realized he was about to touch her stomach.

"I won't marry you" he said into the darkness.

"That's what you have to say to me after disappearing for hours?"

"I just want it said, I won't marry you. Not like this, not right now. I do suppose we will end up getting married at some point, or at least I hope we will find it to be a logical step at some point, but I have no intention of making you an honorable woman before you… have the thing."

"Okay…" she said, unsure of how to react. She hadn't given a thought to marriage right away.

"What I mean is…" he went on. "When and if I propose I want you to know that I'm doing it because I want to do it. Because I want to be married to you. Not because I feel I have to since I knocked you up. And I won't have people gossip about how the only reason Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf got married was because they were careless enough to get pregnant."

"That's fine" Blair said. "Marry me or don't. It's not what I'm most concerned about."

"This is all very sudden to me" Chuck said. "A few hours ago I didn't know what I would be doing in 2011. Now all of a sudden I'm supposed to accept the idea of starting the year off by having a kid. It's a little much to take Blair. Maybe it's different to you because it's _in_ you, or maybe on some level you knew all along-"

"I had no-" she began angrily but he cut her off.

"I'm not saying you _knew_ and kept it from me. I'm saying maybe your body somehow sensed it without you realizing it. That's the only way I can explain to myself how you can be so perfectly fine with this."

"I'm fine with this because I love you and this is our baby."

"I just cannot believe that there _is_ a baby" he said, gently running his hand up and down her arm again. "Especially not one due in five months. I do insist that we get a second opinion. Don't you see how this changes everything for me? What kind of an impact something like this has?"

"Yeah I kind of do, seeing as how I'm having the baby too."

"But unlike me you're not feeling complete and total panic" he said. "Blair I'm not ready for this, I'm just not."

"I won't have an abortion" she said firmly, scared that he might suggest it. "Either way it's too late. I'm too far along."

"Yeah I figured."

She was a bit taken aback by his response. She had no idea at which point it became illegal to abort a child, she just assumed it was once you hit the second trimester, but she had thought Chuck would know for sure. She realized that she actually did want to know whether or not he wanted her to get rid of it. The thought of finding out how he felt scared her but knowing was better than wondering.

"If it wasn't too far gone, would you want me to get an abortion?" she asked in a low voice, trembling slightly.

"If you wanted it" he said. "I could never try and force you to have an abortion, only support you if you wanted one."

"So you wouldn't get rid of it if you could?"

"God, Blair…" he said. "I've barely comprehended that it even exists. I may not want it but I won't try and kill it."

Blair felt tears fill her eyes.

"So you don't want it?"

"I want _you_" he said. "Do you have any idea what having a child right now is going to do to us? It won't bring us closer together. Relationships fall apart all the time because there's a baby involved. Lack of sleep, change in routines, the fact that you're no longer the most important person to each other… And that's just at the infant stage. We haven't been together for all that long and we've had a rocky road this year and it scares the hell out of me to think that we might not be able to survive the intrusion of a kid."

"Or maybe we will be bound closer together" Blair said.

"I seriously doubt that. Look I love you Blair but I'm not ready to be a father. I might end up hating the thing for coming between you and me, taking up all your time and affection. And even if I don't, I would make a horrible father."

"I don't think so" she argued.

"I would. You know I would. Maybe in the future I could be a decent father to your kids but I can barely be a decent boyfriend at this point. I hate the thought of having a kid grow up with parents who had him or her when they were too young and unable to be real parents."

"So what do you want to do?" she asked, trying to keep her tears at bay.

"All I know for sure is that I don't want to lose you" he said. "You don't have to worry about me running away. Yes I believe this thing might come between us but I refuse to throw in the towel and just walk away. I will give it a try."

"Just what every girl dreams to hear."

"Give me a break Blair, it's only been a few hours. You should be glad I'm not throwing up or getting wasted. You need to give me some time to adjust to all of this. There's not much we can do, apparently this thing is happening. But it's not real to me. It will have to be at some point, but don't expect me to embrace this or even grasp it for a while."

She sighed heavily, feeling so miserable she almost couldn't stand it. This was horrible. What had he even said just now? She couldn't make sense of it. He didn't want the baby but he wanted her, but the baby would mean he would lose her, so he would stay with her in spite of the baby because he didn't want to lose her? The reasoning made no sense at all.

Though at the back of her mind she knew he was right. She had dropped a bomb on him and he needed time to get used to the idea. At least he was there, he hadn't run away. Not yet, anyway.

His arm wrapped around her chest and pulled her tighter to him. He kissed the back of her head and she felt his hot breath as he settled in behind her.

"I love you" he whispered. "And I won't let you go."

She didn't reply. Even though she was angry and disappointed it still felt comforting to feel his body pressed up against hers. Her day had been unbelievably long, filled with more twists and turns than any other day of her life, and she was exhausted.

He heard her breaths grow slow and steady and he knew she was asleep. Holding her he tried once again to make sense of the news he had gotten earlier in the night. Then he pushed the thought from his mind. He wouldn't be able to sleep if he thought about it. He needed to sleep. Maybe when he woke up in the morning he would find that this was all just a bad dream.

* * *

I actually know someone who discovered she was pregnant three months in when she couldn't fit into her clothes anymore… So thanks goes to her I guess for a bit of inspiration ;)

Hope this wasn't too… blah blah-y. I've tried making the next couple of chapters a bit lighter.

Thank you for reading. Please leave a review.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for taking so long with this update. It's been a busy month!

I'm grateful for all the reviews so far! Many reviewers aren't too happy with Chuck at the moment, but I'm glad most of you think what I've written so far is _realistic_. I'm not going for any quick fixes with this story so don't expect Chuck to have any extreme epiphanies in the near future, but I hope you'll stick with me as the story unfolds.

Hope you'll enjoy the read!

* * *

October had turned out to be cold and windy. Blair drew her coat closer around her as she and Chuck walked down the street together, hand in hand. If there was one thing she hated it was a windy day.

"The day someone invents a coat that actually keeps the wind out I will name it the greatest invention since the wheel" she complained.

"You're freezing?" Chuck asked. "How badly?"

"I'll be fine" she said in a grumpy tone. "I just can't wait until we're inside."

They were two blocks away from the hospital where Chuck had booked an appointment for Blair to find out for sure whether or not the pregnancy was real. Blair thought it was redundant, the sonogram at Dr. Millbrook's was proof enough, but she had humored him. He hadn't seen the sonogram, and she kind of wanted him to. And at least he was showing some form of interest in the whole thing.

She wished she could pull her coat even closer around her but she needed two hands for that and she didn't want to let go of Chuck's hand even for a second. It felt way too good and comforting to have him hold her hand on their way to this appointment. There was at least _some_ hope for her fairytale to come true when he showed her affection in public.

Less thrilling was the fact that he had insisted they walk the last five blocks. He didn't want to get seen stepping out of his limo by a hospital, which she found ridiculous since nobody would expect them to be there to see an obstetrician. Plus there had to be a greater risk of ending up on Gossip Girl if they were walking out in the open.

"Let's go to lunch when we're done here" Blair said, just to say something. "I'm thinking… vegetarian."

"If we don't get the news we want we're going to have to ask Dr. Saunders for a complete list of what you can and cannot eat" Chuck remarked.

He felt her tense. Damn it, he should have thought that comment through before saying it out loud. He didn't want to hide the fact that he was hoping they would find out she wasn't pregnant, but he also didn't want her to think he would throw himself into the Hudson if the obstetrician he had chosen confirmed Dr. Millbrook's diagnosis.

"What I mean is…" he said. "Everything would be so much easier if this turns out to be a false positive."

"No, don't hold back" she snarled.

"If you _are_ pregnant…"

"I _am_."

"If you are, then we have to take it a lot more seriously than we have these past two days. Hiring people to go out and buy books on pregnancy so that no one will know that they are for us is not going to cut it. Your doctor needs to tell us what to do, what not to do, what to avoid… Like what types of fish are bad for a fetus? Isn't there something about mercury levels when it comes to some kinds of fish?"

"Yes, yes, I know" Blair sighed. "Could we for one second not focus on restrictions and negativity?"

"I thought it would please you to know that I want to make sure the thing isn't poisoned in the womb."

"Too late for that I'm afraid" Blair sighed. "I don't even want to think about how many drinks I've had since June."

"Luckily for us you're not that big a drinker" Chuck said. "What you drink in a month is roughly what I consume in a weekend. Let's not worry about things we can't change and focus on what we do have some form of control over."

They arrived at the hospital and Blair squeezed his hand as they walked inside. Instead of going through the front door they took a back entrance to avoid being seen by anyone who might want to send in a tip to Gossip Girl, ignoring the annoyed comments from hospital staff who didn't want them to use that particular door.

"Do you know which floor?" Blair asked.

He nodded and lead her to the elevators. He was starting to regret having made the appointment here, but he had wanted a well renowned doctor. He hated hospitals with a passion, especially the way everything smelled. If Dr. Saunders confirmed that Blair was pregnant he would make sure to find her a private doctor, someone other than Millbrook, to oversee the rest of the pregnancy. When time came for the baby to be born he would insist that it happened at a private clinic. Anywhere but inside a hospital.

They arrived at the proper wing and took a seat. Unlike at her last doctor's appointment Blair seemed calm and collected, softly humming to herself while looking through a magazine. Chuck tried his best not to fidget and remembered another thing he hated with hospitals. Nothing ever happened on time.

Ten minutes after their scheduled time a nurse appeared and led Blair down the hallway into a small room. She then drew some blood and asked Blair to leave a urine sample. With a groan Blair walked into the small nearby bathroom and remembered another reason why she hadn't wanted to see another doctor for confirmation.

When she came out from the bathroom she was led back to the waiting area where Chuck was looking more and more impatient by the minute. They were told something had come up and Dr. Saunders would be running a little late. Chuck muttered something not too pleasant under his breath and Blair placed a hand on his arm to try and calm him down.

They didn't speak a word to each other while they waited. Chuck was nervous and Blair didn't want to say or do the wrong thing right now. She only wished they could have gone to this appointment under better circumstances, but perhaps later in the pregnancy he would accompany her without acting like he was being dragged off to torture.

After nearly thirty minutes they were finally allowed in to see their doctor. Dr. Saunders was a woman in her late forties with far too good a reputation to be working at a hospital rather than private practice, or at least so Chuck thought. Blair was immediately relaxed by her gentle appearance and her soft smile. Dr. Saunders shook hands with both of them and motioned for them to have a seat.

"So" she then said. "You are here because you think you might be pregnant."

"I know that I'm pregnant" Blair said.

"You've taken a pregnancy test?"

"My regular doctor was the one who told me" Blair said, clasping her hands in her lap. "We did an ultrasound. I know I'm pregnant, but my boyfriend wasn't there at the time and he needs a second opinion."

"When was your last period?" Dr. Saunders asked.

"About a week ago. I have the exact date in my calendar if you need it."

Dr. Saunders looked up from the piece of paper she was jotting on and gave Blair a slightly surprised look.

"See why I think her imbecile of a doctor might have gotten it wrong?" Chuck said dryly.

"It's not uncommon for women to experience bleeding when pregnant" Dr. Saunders said and started writing again. "Which is why it can come as a surprise sometimes to learn that a baby is on its way."

"See?" Blair said to Chuck.

"It does make it a bit trickier to determine how far along you are, but we should be able to get an accurate assessment anyway" Dr. Saunders went on. "The most reliable way to tell is actually by looking at the sonogram, although knowing during which timeframe the baby was conceived certainly helps. When did you first suspect that you might be pregnant?"

"Well, two days ago when Dr. Millbrook said I was" Blair said. "I haven't really had any symptoms, at least none that made me think I was pregnant. I've been having headaches, been thirsty, I have been tired almost all the time… And then this week I suddenly noticed I couldn't fit into my clothes."

Dr. Saunders raised an eyebrow.

"While women might gain weight during the first trimester, especially if they're not having problems with morning sickness, they're usually able to fit into the same clothes as before" she said. "I take it you haven't been feeling sick to your stomach?"

"No."

"Not all women do. Approximately 70% get morning sickness."

She continued to ask questions and Blair continued to answer them, finding she liked this doctor more and more each minute. It was nice to have a woman as her doctor, especially considering the intimate nature of the condition.

"Your blood work should be back shortly" Dr. Saunders finally said and put her pad aside. "It should tell us whether or not you're having a baby. But since you're here for a second opinion I take it you're thinking it might have been a false positive the first time around?"

"That… That is my assumption" Chuck said, almost blurting out that it was what he was _hoping_ for.

"I'll just do a quick exam then and we can have a look" Dr. Saunders said. "You can undress behind the curtain there. There's a gown on the hanger."

With a slight frown Blair got up and walked behind the curtain. She hated going to the gyno's and she had hoped to avoid a physical examination of this nature. Dr. Millbrook hadn't bothered, he had said it wasn't necessary and she had been more than pleased not to have him perform an exam down there. At least this time it was a female doctor, but the thought of having to have this particular exam in front of Chuck was pretty humiliating.

Finally she had gotten out of her clothes and into the insanely ugly hospital gown. Someone should really think about designing more fashionable hospital gowns. The examination was humiliating enough without having to show yourself in such an ugly excuse for an outfit. If Chuck found her even remotely sexy within a month after having seen her in this getup then it had to be true love.

Chuck pretended to read a pamphlet about a woman's cycle while Blair came back out and got into place. For all the intimacy between them this felt weird and he assumed she would rather have him look away until she was in place and preferably covered with a blanket.

"Alright then" Dr. Saunders said, grabbing an instrument with her glove-clad hands. "Let's try to get this done quickly, I know it's uncomfortable."

Blair nodded and swallowed. Her mouth felt completely dry as she stared into space and tried to think of a happy place to go to. Unfortunately when she tried to imagine herself shopping at Barney's all she could think about was how none of the regular clothes would fit her now or in the months to come.

"When the prospective father is done reading the pamphlet I give to girls in puberty perhaps he would like to come over here and join us" Dr. Saunders said dryly, sitting down on her wheel-clad stool.

Keeping in a sigh Chuck tossed the pamphlet on the doctor's desk and walked over to take a seat to Blair's right. She reached for his hand and he took it. Spontaneously he leaned in and kissed her forehead to distract her from the examination. Blair offered him a smile. His affection meant more than he knew, since she knew how apprehensive he was about the whole thing. He smiled back at her, albeit only for a brief second.

"You said you haven't been feeling nauseous?" Dr. Saunders said, distracting Blair with questions while she performed the exam.

"Nope" Blair said. "Feeling fit as a fiddle."

"No other abdominal complaints, like stomach aches?"

"None."

"Light-headed?"

"A bit."

"Don't stand up too quickly."

"I keep having to go the bathroom like three or four times a night" Blair said. "Will that go away?"

"It will once you stop loading yourself with water" Chuck said.

"If Daddy has nothing nice to say then Daddy can keep quiet" Dr. Saunders said, glaring up at Chuck.

"Daddy?" Blair echoed, lifting her head.

"Yes, I can definitely confirm that you're going to be parents" Dr. Saunders said, rolling back on her stool and pulling off her gloves as she punched a couple of keys on her keyboard to get Blair's test results to come up. "Tests are back and they also confirm it. Congratulations to the both of you."

"Thanks" Blair responded automatically.

"You sure?" Chuck asked.

"Kid, I've done this for years" Dr. Saunders said, obviously not the biggest Chuck Bass fan in the world. "You are pregnant alright. Now all we need to do is determine the due date. Just hold on for a moment and I will go get the ultrasound."

She got up and left, leaving Chuck and Blair alone together. He had let go of her hand and was staring at the computer as if he expected it to suddenly come to life and tell him something he would have been happier to hear.

"Could you get me my underwear?" Blair asked, wanting to feel at least a little decent during the rest of the exam.

Chuck got up and went to get her underwear, which he noted was the kind of thing she wore during her time of the month rather than one of her thongs. He rolled his eyes but picked the panties up and handed them to her.

"Okay, so…" Blair said, putting them back on. "What now?"

"I believe we're going to do a sonogram" Chuck said dryly.

"You know what I mean."

He sighed and sat back down by her side.

"Honestly Blair, I was hoping to hear something else than what she told us."

"I know" she said sadly and looked away.

"I'm not done processing all of it yet."

"I know."

"Still, it is what it is. You're pregnant and… we'll have to do what we can with the situation we're in."

"Is there even any chance at all that you might--"

He didn't get to hear the end of that question before Dr. Saunders came back in wheeling an ultrasound. Blair and Chuck both kept quiet as the doctor parked the equipment next to Blair and bared her belly to do the sonogram.

"You do seem to be swollen around your abdomen" she noted.

"Like I said" Blair said, rolling her eyes.

"Her other doctor said she was further along than women usually are when they discover they're pregnant" Chuck said.

"Let's have ourselves a look, then" Dr. Saunders said. "This will feel a bit cold."

She squirted out the clear jelly on Blair's stomach, causing Blair to flinch slightly. It was cold and a bit icky. Dr. Saunders then proceeded to place the wand on Blair's stomach and examine the screen before her closely for several minutes before turning it around so that the expecting parents could have a look.

In the corner of her eye Blair saw Chuck leaning forward to have a closer look. It made her relax a little. Everything that pointed to him accepting the pregnancy was a positive. He reached for her hand and started to gently rub the back of her hand with his thumb. For a moment she felt ready to burst with happiness over this endearment brought on by seeing their baby on the monitor.

"Here's your baby" Dr. Saunders said and pointed to the screen. "Everything looks normal. There's only one thing, and that's how far developed the fetus is."

"Dr. Millbrook estimated that I'm at fifteen weeks" Blair said.

"I'm inclined to agree."

"But how is it possible to not notice something like this until after nearly four months?" Chuck asked.

"It happens. When the mother isn't experiencing some of the more common signs, and she's having bleeds. Most people believe that pregnancy automatically means morning sickness, so lack of nausea can lead to the thought of a baby never even entering your mind. But here it is, your fetus, nearly four months of age."

Chuck studied the blurry image on the screen and couldn't quite see it as a baby. It was kind of like a lump potato. He couldn't make out whether or not it had any hands or feet, at least not from this angle. It just looked like a blob. How this particular sight could make Blair fall in love with the idea of the pregnancy he would never know.

"Your baby is roughly six inches, and you can see it moving around a bit" Dr. Saunders said. "Would you like to know the sex of the baby?"

Blair turned and looked at Chuck.

"Would we?" she asked.

"Would you?"

"Would _you_? Maybe knowing whether it's a he or a she will make it easier to comprehend. Give it more of an identity."

"I'm fine either way, really. Finding out now or finding out later, doesn't matter."

"Then let's not" Blair said. "We'll let it be a surprise."

"I guess that's fitting" Chuck said, shrugging a shoulder. "Surprise is the thematic word for this whole thing."

Dr. Saunders shot him a look but didn't say anything. She couldn't quite blame him for being startled to learn his girlfriend was four months pregnant. On the other hand he didn't have to act as if his life was coming to an end. She was surprised that the mother to be was reacting so positively to the whole thing, especially when the boy she was pregnant by was having the exact opposite reaction.

"We'll skip finding out about the sex then" Blair said to her. "I like the idea of not knowing, although it makes color coordinating that much more difficult."

Dr. Saunders nodded slightly and shut the ultrasound off.

"Everything looks just fine" she said and handed Blair some paper to wipe her stomach clean. "Most couples have longer to prepare for the arrival of their baby than you do but I've seen couples adjust fine in shorter periods of time. Would you like to see someone perhaps, someone you can both talk to about this?"

"We're from the Upper East Side" Chuck said. "If we want to see someone then we'll find a shrink, don't you worry."

"Then let's book a follow-up appointment" Dr. Saunders said. "I would like you to come in for regular visits to monitor the progression of the pregnancy."

"Thank you, but we'll be finding a doctor at a private clinic" Chuck said as Blair got up to go get dressed. "You've served your purpose."

Dr. Saunders didn't make any comments and Blair had to wonder if she wasn't secretly relieved that she wouldn't have to see much more of Chuck. But Blair liked Dr. Saunders and wouldn't mind continuing to come to her for her appointments.

She walked back out, now in her own clothes, and found that Chuck had moved back to the chairs by the desk. She sat down next to him and felt him grab her hand.

"Based on what we know, I would set your due date to mid-March" Dr. Saunders said and glanced in a calendar. "Somewhere around the… eleventh. Does that sound good?"

Chuck glared at her with bewilderment. What the hell were they supposed to say to that? Tell her it wasn't such a good day for them because they had a fancy dinner to attend on the eleventh, could they perhaps get a due date a few days later?

"Due dates are not an exact science" Dr. Saunders went on. "But at least it gives you an idea of when to expect the baby to be born. You might have a delivery a couple of weeks ahead of time or you might go a couple of weeks past the expected date. Especially with a first-time mother it can be difficult to tell."

"Why not just say March and leave it at that?" Chuck sighed.

Blair angrily nudged him and he rolled his eyes.

"If you want a private hospital room I would suggest looking into it as soon as possible" Dr. Saunders said, ignoring Chuck. "If you want another appointment with me then schedule it with my receptionist. If not, let me just wish you both the best of luck. You have a healthy baby in there and you are both young so there is no reason to think that this will be a difficult pregnancy."

"What about dos and don'ts?" Chuck asked. "What can she eat?"

"Speak to the nurse at the front desk, she can give you a full list" Dr. Saunders said. "But the main don'ts outside of the things you chew are of course drinking and smoking."

"I have been drinking" Blair admitted, completely mortified at having to confess to it in front of the doctor she liked. "I didn't know I was pregnant, so, I mean…"

"A glass of wine here or there probably won't hurt the baby" Dr. Saunders said. "Almost every woman drinks while pregnant, unless she just happens to not have any alcohol between the time of conception and when she finds out she's expecting. But lay off the stuff from now on. There are never any guarantees so now that you do know about your condition you should avoid alcohol until you are done nursing."

She talked for a few minutes more and then sent them on their way. Blair gave her a spontaneous hug before grabbing Chuck's hand again and hurrying out of the office. In the corner of her eye she saw the slightly surprised look on the doctor's face but she shrugged it off. She was pregnant, she had the right to have spontaneous outbursts of emotion.

And speaking of emotional outbursts… They had barely set foot outside before she yanked her hand back and gave Chuck her most grumpy look. He raised an eyebrow and she scowled at him before letting him know what was on her mind.

"You didn't have to act like you hated both me and the baby, at least not in front of the doctor" she growled.

"I guess this answers my wonderings about when we'll start to see you get hormonal" Chuck replied, unshaken by her anger.

"Do you know how embarrassing that was for me? Sitting there in those damn stirrups while my boyfriend whines and moans about how he was unfortunate enough to have an orgasm and now has to suffer the consequences?"

"First of all you know I don't hate you" Chuck sighed. "And I don't hate the baby either. Nor did I _act_ like I hated either one of you. But I will not pretend like this is the best news I have ever gotten. For the hundredth time, you need to give me time with this."

"You could at least keep your annoying comments to yourself."

"My legitimate comments. Besides, what does it matter if Dr. Saunders thinks I'm an ass who doesn't want to have this baby? I booked the appointment with her because she's well renowned, but now that we know that there is a baby on the way I want to get the very best. And to have this whole thing happen somewhere other than a hospital."

"Maybe I could give birth in a closet at the Empire, like a dog" Blair snarled. "Or under a flight of stairs perhaps?"

He couldn't keep in a small laugh and reached for her hand again.

"No, and don't be like that. Come on, you need lunch and so do I. And after that, can we please do something that has nothing to do with this pregnancy thing? I'm sick of hearing about it. Let's just be us for a few hours."

"And do what? Shop? I won't be able to wear anything I buy now for months. By the time I can wear it again it will be out of style."

"I was thinking we could go to a museum, or rent a movie."

"Fine" Blair said. "But lunch first. I'm still firmly set on vegetarian. In fact, I've got this craving for tomatoes."

"So now you're having cravings too?"

"No, not those kind of cravings" she said, shivering in the cold wind, silently thanking the powers above for the limo that was parked right in front of them. "What do you say Bass? Care to go get a salad?"

"Sure" he said, opening the door to the limo for her. "But in the future we need to feed you better things than salad. You're eating for one and a half now. One whole baby and half a regular woman."

He got in after her and the limo drove off to the restaurant he had directed Arthur to, a restaurant he knew Blair loved. He glanced over at Blair, who was rubbing her arms in an attempt to get warm.

"Come here" he said.

She obediently moved closer and he wrapped his arms around her, trying to give her some of his warmth. It bothered him to see her shivering like this when he knew she had to take good care of herself. He kissed the top of her head and grabbed her hand again, intertwining his fingers with hers.

"You're lovely" he said.

"What?"

"I just thought I'd mention… You really are lovely. And I'm sorry I'm such a shitty boyfriend. You deserve someone who will think this is amazing news. I just can't pretend to be something I'm not Blair."

"Let's not talk about this right now" she sighed, leaning back in his arms. "Let's just… go have lunch."

He nodded and she glanced up at him. She would give him some time to get used to all of this. But if he hadn't started to come around by the time they started putting up Christmas decorations then she had a strong feeling she would begin to panic for real.

* * *

That evening Blair leaned back on the bed with the latest edition of "_What to Expect When You're Expecting_". They had two other books on pregnancy hidden in Blair's underwear drawer but it felt reasonable to start with this one. She had found a skirt in the back of her closet which had been too big for her when she first bought it so now it was serving as a temporary maternity outfit, along with one of her loosely-fitting blouses. She longed to be able to go out and buy something that would look marvelous, rather than settling for whatever dresses she could fit into right now.

Chuck walked in to the bedroom after a while, lying down next to her with the papers he hadn't had time to read earlier in the day. For a while neither of them spoke, both pretending to read but neither being able to concentrate.

"One thing we have to talk about…" he finally said. "How and when do we break this news? Until we've told your parents we don't want to risk it becoming public. Also, out of respect, we shouldn't say anything to anyone at all until Harold and Eleanor know. Have you said anything to Serena?"

"No not yet."

"Good. Dorota?"

"Not her either. Just you."

He put his newspaper aside and moved closer to her.

"Then let's call your parents and insist that they come to New York as soon as possible. Tell them you want to celebrate your twentieth birthday in late October for some reason. Make something up. Get them here and we can all talk about this. Once they know, we can start telling others."

"I can't lie to my parents! Pregnant women who lie go to hell."

"What?"

"It just feels wrong."

"This has to happen soon, Blair. You're already showing."

He gestured towards her stomach and with a touch of disappointment she noted how he wouldn't touch her there. He hadn't touched her stomach since he'd learned the news two days ago.

"You're right" she said. "Things are going to have to happen fast, we only have five months. My parents need to know as soon as possible so we can prepare for the baby's arrival without worrying about me ending up on Gossip Girl when I buy maternity clothes."

"Exactly" Chuck said, frowning as he tried to imagine his Blair wearing maternity clothes. "And arrangements need to be made with Columbia regarding your studies, and we have to book a place for you to have the baby. Unless of course you want me to clear out one of the closets here at the Empire."

She made a face at him and he chuckled.

"At least I can still make you laugh…" she said with a sigh. "That's something."

"I'm not entirely sure why I'm laughing, but there you go."

"When you think about it this whole situation is pretty comical."

"True… But I'm more terrified than entertained."

"I will admit…" she said. "This is all a bit scary for me too. Most people have nine months to prepare for their baby's birth and we've been robbed of nearly half of that. We need to tell my parents soon, so that I can tell Serena and anyone else I might want to talk to, and so Dorota can be sent out on a mission to get everything we might possibly need. God, I don't even _know_ what kind of things we need. Teddybears?"

"Telling your parents is only step one" Chuck sighed. "Think about all the other things we need to get done. All the conversations we have to have."

"Such as?"

"What will the living situation be? There's no room for a nursery here in this penthouse. Do we log the kid back and forth between your mother's and here?"

"You don't want to live with me and the baby?"

"I think I'd prefer to just take it one day at a time, honestly. Let's not make some big declaration to one another that we will live together officially. We can stay here until further notice and if we need space you can go with the kid to your mother's. Whatever ends up coming natural."

"I know you said no marriage, but I at least thought we'd be under the same roof."

"Like I said, let's start there and see how it goes. Just, keep the option of not living together if we need a break."

"You mean if _you_ need a break."

Instead of answering he just kissed her cheek. She glanced at him and tried to read the look in his eyes. Then she decided to ask the question she had been about to ask when Dr. Saunders walked in with the ultrasound.

"Is there any chance, any real chance at all, that you might ever be okay with all this?" she asked.

He was quiet for a moment.

"Yes" he then said.

"Are you sure?" she insisted. "Because if not then I will find out eventually, and I'd rather know now."

"I really hope this all turns out okay Blair" he said. "That you and I will make it work, and this baby will be happy."

"I didn't ask what you were hoping for, I asked what you think is likely."

"What you asked was if there's any chance at all that I will be okay with this. And the answer is yes. I'm working on it Blair, I really am."

"Speaking of… well, people at work. I want Dr. Saunders to handle my prenatal care."

"Why? Don't you want the best?"

"She's one of the best."

"Yes but she works at a hospital."

"A doctor working at a hospital?" Blair gasped. "The horror!"

"I wanted to take you to a private doctor today but Dr. Saunders was the only highly recommended obstetrician who was available on such short notice. Which by the way should tell you a thing or two."

"I don't care. I liked her. I want a female doctor and she and I hit it off."

"But she hated me."

"Tough luck, Bass. Besides, I think any doctor we see is going to hate you."

He sighed.

"I can't tell you that you can't go to a specific doctor. But would you please at least meet with someone who doesn't do her work from a hospital and see if you like her too?"

"Fine…"

They both stayed quiet for a while. Chuck settled in next to her and she kept pretending to read the book in her hands.

"How does it feel?" he asked after a while. "I mean… _can_ you feel it? Does it… move?"

"No not yet. At least not enough for me to be able to tell."

"It must be so weird having a living thing inside of you."

"I'm kind of used to it. What do you think sex is?"

"Not what I meant" he said with a chuckle.

"I don't know Chuck it's… strange. On one hand I don't feel much different. I can't _feel_ him or her yet. But there's something different anyway. Just knowing that our baby is in there makes me feel… I don't know. Special, I guess."

"Technically I think it's still an overgrown parasite at this stage" he said.

"Actually it's starting to become a little person" she said. "Here, come put your hand on my belly."

She grabbed his hand before he could protest, lifted up her blouse and placed his hand firmly on her stomach. His hand stayed still for a while before slowly caressing her belly for a second. She put her own hand on top of his and enjoyed the connection.

"He or she has hands" she said. "And feet."

"Most impressive. So do I."

She giggled.

"If I understood the book right our little one also has most of its organs, or at least the beginning stages of them. It's a little person with organs, hands and feet. And hopefully my nose, because it's cuter than yours."

"Whenever I try to picture it all I can see is the chestburster from '_Alien_'" Chuck admitted sheepishly.

"Well this thing doesn't have teeth" Blair said with a giggle.

"The fetus not having teeth is your only objection to me comparing it with _that_?" Chuck asked, having expected to be yelled at.

"I have a feeling you'll come around so I'm giving you a free pass. So long as you don't compare me to John Hurt."

"Oh he is way more badass than you could ever hope to be. And, he has a nicer nose than you, FYI."

"And you should stop watching old horror movies."

"It's a thriller actually."

"Whatever."

They both laughed and looked up at each other. They shared a brief kiss before looking silently at each other again. Blair then leaned closer and kissed him once more, feeling him move after a few seconds to get a better angle. They continued to kiss, his hand still resting on her belly, while the book she had been holding fell to the ground. He moved on top of her and kissed her more deeply, enjoying a moment of closeness with her. The baby was forgotten, right now it was just the two of them.

The moment was ruined by the elevator ringing, announcing Nate's arrival.

"Hey" his voice called out in an absent-minded greeting.

Blair quickly pushed Chuck off her and adjusted her clothes before diving over the side of the bed to get the book and hide it. So long as there was the slightest chance of Nate walking in to their bedroom everything that said pregnancy had to be hidden.

Chuck got up and walked out to speak to Nate. Blair put the book away and cursed at her stupid ex-boyfriend for showing up just when things were finally starting to get fun. She wanted sex, not Nate's delightful company.

She realized how difficult it might get to keep this secret to themselves until they had gotten a chance to tell the future grandparents. With Nate living in the same penthouse as Chuck there was a great risk that he wound find out. Luckily Nate was one of the most oblivious human beings on the planet, and him and Chuck rarely interacted anymore, but would it really be possible to prevent him from finding out?

It was too bad it was the middle of the night in France, or she would have called her parents right now and asked them to fly to New York as soon as possible. Her twentieth birthday was about a month away and she and Chuck had plans to spend her birthday in Europe with her parents. Now she would have to convince them to come to New York, and to come early.

Another problem was that she wanted them to come without their partners. Not that she hadn't grown fond of her stepfathers, but dropping the baby bomb on her parents was something she preferred to do without Roman and Cyrus in the room.

After a while Chuck came back and closed the door behind him before pulling the drapes shut. Closing the drapes usually meant only one thing – activities Nate would not want to catch a glimpse of. Tonight that wouldn't be happening, unfortunately. Chuck's demeanor had changed since Nate interrupted them and it was plain to see that sex was not on his mind right now. She wasn't even sure why he had closed the drapes.

He walked back over to his side of the bed and picked up his newspaper again. Blair reached for the gossip magazine sitting on her nightstand and tried to focus on the latest happenings in the world of celebrities, but had a hard time concentrating. She was still feeling frisky, but Chuck clearly wasn't any longer. Stupid Nate.

Stupid Nate and stupid everything.

* * *

Chuck woke up in the middle of the night when Blair got out of bed to rush to the bathroom. He groaned and shut his eyes tight, trying to decide whether to pretend to be asleep or to let her know he was awake when she got back.

She returned after a few minutes and crawled back under the covers. He opened his eyes a little and saw her move to her side so that she was facing him. Her eyes were closed and she looked upset.

"Blair?" he whispered.

"Just had to use the bathroom" she whispered back.

"You feeling alright?"

"… I guess."

He moved closer so that their faces were only inches apart. Wrapping an arm around her he closed his eyes to go back to sleep, but he found he was too awake now. He opened his eyes again and looked at her.

She looked tired and kind of pale. He wondered how much of it was the pregnancy and how much of it was his reaction to it. For a moment he wished with all his might that he could love this news of them having a baby, if only so that she could be happy.

He wondered about her reaction. So far she had only seemed to be happy about the fetus growing inside of her. He hadn't stopped to ask himself how much of that was Blair getting lost in another one of her imaginary movies and how much of it was genuine. Did she understand what was going on, _really_ understand? Or was his girlfriend lost in a rosy picture perfect image of the bliss of motherhood?

If it was the latter then they would soon have another problem on their hands. At some point reality would hit her if it hadn't already. And he knew better than anyone what could happen when her perfect fantasies came crashing down around her.

If she was fully aware of the magnitude of her condition then he couldn't help but be impressed with her for facing it without wanting to run away.

One thing he knew for certain while watching her try and go back to sleep was that he loved her more than he ever had before. She was the woman carrying his child. Scary as that was, it was also kind of incredible.

He realized with striking clarity just how afraid he was of losing her. He had wanted her for so long and they had gone through far too much since the day he first fell in love with her. The thought of losing her now almost made his heart stop. He would have to step it up and be a better partner to her. He would have to try not to voice his concerns or his discontentment with the situation, limit all complaints as much as possible. He wouldn't outright lie if she asked him, but the least he could do was spare her his whining.

If he didn't he was worried that she might decide she and the baby were better off without him. And then he would lose her.

That couldn't happen. He was not going to give her up without a fight, and right now she needed him to be there for her.

Suddenly she opened her eyes, as if she could feel that he was watching her.

"I'm sorry I woke you" she said. "Didn't mean to ruin your sleep."

"It's fine."

"I'll be more careful next time."

He worried that what she really meant was that she wouldn't sleep at his place for a while, sparing him her nightly trips to the bathroom. That he had already begun to push her away. He pulled her closer and kissed the tip of her nose.

"I don't mind being woken up" he said. "So long as you're there when I open my eyes."

"I know you mind" she argued. "_I_ mind having to wake up several times a night just to go pee. If I mind, you mind."

He kissed her again, on the lips this time.

"Like I said… So long as you're here I can put up with a whole lot. It's not like it doesn't come with benefits. Tonight I got some snuggling out of it."

A hint of a smile appeared on her lips.

"No matter what, Bass…" she said. "I love you. And I'm really glad that you're the one who's with me through all of this."

"You have my word I will be" he whispered, kissing her softly. "Every step of the way. Regardless of how I may whine and complain. I won't leave."

She gave him a tired smile and crept closer to him. Her arm snuck around him and he tangled his hand in her hair, feeling a bit comforted by the closeness. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, soon drifting off to sleep again. He held her close and felt the small bump on her belly against his own.

* * *

I won't make you wait two weeks for another update, I promise! But while you're waiting, how about leaving me a review? ;)


	4. Chapter 4

I'm quite overwhelmed with the response I've gotten so far with this series. I'm glad the doctor was well received, because she returns later on in the story. Thanks goes out to everyone who's taken the time to review!

And I promise, Chuck will make some progress... but like I mentioned in the last chapter it won't happen right away. Also, the first chapters all take place within a rather short period of time (this one is set ten days after the first two) which is one of the main reasons why things might seem like they're moving slow with him.

Hope you'll enjoy the read! And since I'm Swedish, happy _syttende mai _to all Norwegians.

* * *

Three pairs of questioning eyes looked at Blair and Chuck from across the table. They were at the Bass/van der Woodsen residence, sitting at the round dinner table, and both Blair and Chuck felt a bit like they were facing a firing squad even though none of the three people at the table with them had any clue what was going on.

Eleanor and Harold Waldorf had flown in from France the day before and agreed to meet up at Lily's under the pretense of discussing the plans for Blair's twentieth birthday. Little did they know it was an entirely different birthday they were going to be talking about.

Chuck had asked Lily to serve tea rather than coffee, and everyone had a cup in front of them. Large plates filled with croissants, scones and blueberry muffins sat on the table in-between the children and the parents. Blair gazed longingly at the muffins, feeling an unusual hunger, but she didn't want to be the first to grab something off a plate.

In the meantime she put more sugar in her tea and swirled it around with her spoon. Her parents both looked tired from the travel and glanced at their tea cups probably wishing they were being served coffee instead. She hoped they weren't too discontent already. Even in the best case scenario they weren't likely to jump for joy immediately.

Chuck and Blair looked at each other, grasping each other's hand below the table. They had talked at length of how to deliver this news but they hadn't been able to figure out any good way to do it. The only thing they had agreed on was to include Lily, partly because she would be the child's grandmother in the eyes of the law and partly because they both felt they had a greater chance of surviving the day if they had an eyewitness present.

"I really don't see why this is at all necessary" Blair's mother began and took a large sip from the cup of tea she had been served. "Couldn't we have worked this all out over a conference call? I thought you were coming to France for your birthday."

"Actually Mom…" Blair said hesitantly. "My birthday is not what we wanted to speak to you about. We have some news."

"What kind of news could you have that would be so important we had to fly in just a few weeks before you come to us?" Harold asked, giving her a friendly smile. "You are coming to France, aren't you?"

"Probably not" Blair said, sharing a look with Chuck.

"Well why don't you just tell us what you wanted to tell us and have it done with" Lily suggested, not failing to notice how uncomfortable both teenagers looked. "You both look a bit… nervous."

"The thing is…" Blair said, taking a slow, trembling breath.

Chuck gave her hand a firm squeeze underneath the table. She smiled faintly at him, trying to find the words, not to mention the courage, to tell her parents the truth. She hadn't thought it would be this hard, but sitting face to face with them she knew they probably wouldn't think this was good news.

"The thing is…"

"We're pregnant" Chuck said.

"What?" three voices echoed.

Blair carefully studied the looks on her parents faces. She cast a quick and thankful glance at Chuck and moved a bit closer to him before looking at her parents again. He had helped her out, delivered the bad news for her. And he had chosen his words in just the right way, signaling that they were together in this.

"You… Obviously there's been some mistake" Eleanor said, almost laughing at the absurdity of the idea.

"No mistake" Chuck said, finding himself on the same end of the conversation as Blair had been ten days before.

"You're _pregnant_?" Eleanor gasped. "How could you possibly be pregnant?"

Chuck looked away and Blair looked down at her tea with blushing cheeks. Telling her parents about the baby kind of meant telling them she and Chuck had sex. Even though she knew her parents must be aware of it, it was still awkward to make it so clear. She still wanted to remain a pristine virgin in their eyes.

"I don't… believe this" Harold said, slowly shaking his head. "You're a smart girl Blair. Too smart to wind up pregnant at this age."

"How can you have been so careless?" Eleanor asked.

"We haven't been" Blair insisted.

"Clearly that's not the whole truth, or else my daughter wouldn't be sitting here telling me I'm about to be a grandfather" Harold said.

"Even the best methods of birth control are only like 99,9%" Chuck pointed out. "In hindsight, we've never really stood a chance against such odds. If you think about it it's an effin' miracle this didn't happen by our three month anniversary."

"Chuck!" Blair said firmly.

"So now you're having a baby?" Eleanor groaned and rubbed her temples. "A baby? Your entire future shot to hell."

"That's not how it is" Blair objected.

"Really? What about college? A career? What about all the things you both want to do before settling down and starting a family?"

Blair looked down again as her mother rattled off the same arguments Chuck had had. He still held her hand and she prayed he wouldn't let go. If she thought for even a second that he was on her parents' side in all of this she might lose it.

"Look, obviously this isn't ideal" Lily said, finally speaking up. "But Charles and Blair are responsible young adults and I have no doubt they will find a way to deal with this situation properly."

"Oh what do you know Lily?" Eleanor said.

"I think this can work out for the best."

"That's easy for you to say. You're not the one who's about to be a grandparent."

"I'm Charles' mother legally" Lily objected.

"Stepmother" Eleanor corrected. "And we all know you'll forget all about him the minute you marry your next husband."

Chuck glared at Blair's mother but didn't say anything. He probably should speak up, Lily had been there for him ever since she started dating his father, but he didn't know what to say. It was Blair who instead spoke up.

"Mother don't take this out on Lily. The baby is coming and there's not much we can do about it, so dressing in barrels and walking around declaring the impending doom is not going to help right now."

"Have you thought about… not keeping it?" Lily said.

"Really?" Chuck had to say. "You condone abortion now?"

"I wouldn't judge you if you two chose to go down that road. I was facing the decision myself when I was your age and while I chose to have my baby I can understand if you decide not to have yours."

"We're not aborting" Blair said.

"Maybe you should Blair" Harold gently suggested.

"Daddy!"

"You are both still so young" Harold said. "Blair you're in college, Charles you want to focus on your business right now. A baby is going to get in the way of all of that. It's a huge responsibility and I'm not convinced either one of you is ready for it."

Blair looked over at Chuck, feeling her heart sink with each word coming out of her father's mouth. She knew these thoughts had passed through Chuck's mind.

"We are still young…" Chuck said slowly. "But… we're also together. Your daughter is not going to be a single mother. We may be only nineteen years old but we're two people who love each other and made a baby, albeit unintentionally. I can't ask Blair to abort the product of us, and I don't think she would want to."

"Either way…" Blair said, determined to get all details out there right away. "We can't have an abortion. Not unless my life is in danger or something."

"Sure you can" Harold said. "I'm not saying it would be easy or pleasant but it is still an option."

"We didn't find out right at once…" Blair said tentatively. "I was already quite a bit gone when we realized."

"How far gone?" Lily asked with suspicion.

"Baby's due in five months" Blair admitted.

"Oh good God" Eleanor said and hid her face in her hands.

"You're in your second trimester?" Lily echoed. "You don't… look like it."

"Trust me, there are a whole lot of clothes in my closet that prove my waistline is no longer what it used to be" Blair said tiredly.

"So abortion is out then" Harold said, having grabbed a croissant and begun to nervously tear small pieces from it. "In a way I guess that's a relief. I don't like the idea of it, and I wouldn't want you to have to experience something like that Blair."

"This means we have five months to figure things out and make sure everything is in order" Lily concluded.

"First things first" Harold said. "When will you be married?"

Chuck shared a look with Blair, then glanced over at his adoptive mother before facing Blair's father.

"Oh we're not."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm saying we're not getting married. At least not right now."

"What?" Harold said, forcefully ripping off another small piece of croissant. "No, that simply won't do. My daughter will not have a bastard child born out of wedlock."

"With all due respect, this isn't 1910" Chuck pointed out. "She'll have the baby without being my wife and it will be fine."

"Like hell she will" Harold objected.

"Daddy" Blair said.

"I agree with Blair's parents" Lily said to the two kids opposite her. "You should get married. And soon, before Blair gets really big, if you want to have a fancy wedding without people only staring at her midsection."

"Don't tell me you're afraid we'll cause a scandal" Chuck said with disbelief.

"No, but I think there's too much at risk for you two not to get married."

"Well that's too bad, because if Blair and I get married someday it won't be until we're both older and for better reasons than a… macaroon in her oven."

"What better reason is there than this?" Eleanor asked.

"You can't force us into marriage" Blair said. "Don't you think that having a baby is a huge enough step for us, without adding marriage to it?"

"If you're not ready for marriage then you sure as hell aren't ready for parenthood" Harold argued. "Marriages can be ended, children are for life."

"We didn't _plan_ this" Chuck said, getting frustrated with the conversation. "Believe you me. But it happened and it's the way things are."

"So that's just it?" Eleanor said. "In… March next year my daughter will become a mother by her boyfriend, who by the way doesn't want to be her husband?"

"I guess that's exactly how it is" Chuck said.

"That's unacceptable" Harold said, angrily tossing another small piece of croissant on the tablecloth.

"Let's not waste time arguing about things we can't control" Lily suggested. "We have enough to focus on as it is."

"We?" Harold echoed. "Lily no offense but you're not really a grandparent here. How we handle this matter is between us, our daughter and the baby's father."

"Charles is my son" Lily said bluntly. "I will be as much a part of this baby's life as Cyrus Rose or Roman, more so since--"

"Technically he's not even your stepson anymore" Harold argued. "Bart is dead and you married that Humphrey."

"She adopted me" Chuck pointed out. "That makes her a legal grandparent of the thing. I mean, the baby."

"Be that as it may, it doesn't even compare to being the biological grandparent of _the thing_" Eleanor argued. "I strongly doubt that Lily's calm reaction would have been the same if it were Serena pregnant."

"Frankly I think we're all a little shocked that Blair beat Serena to it" Chuck commented dryly.

"I don't know how I would react if it were Serena" Lily said honestly. "All I know is how I'm reacting now. And I know that I'm invested in Charles' future, and in Blair's. And it is a future we need to discuss at length, and we don't have much time. Five months will go by before you now it."

"I just cannot _fathom_ that my baby is having a baby in less than six months" Eleanor groaned. "I need something a little stronger than this tea, Lily."

"Right. Excuse me."

Lily rose and went to get drinks for everyone but Blair. Blair stared nervously at her parents, grateful that Chuck's hand was still in hers. She had known this wouldn't go over well, but she hadn't thought they would look at her with those eyes.

"I know you must be angry--" she began.

"Not angry. Disappointed" Eleanor said.

"There's nothing to be disappointed of" Chuck said. "We're not teens gone wild, here. We're going to see this through and have this baby. There can't possibly be any disappointment in us doing the right thing."

"The right thing would have been to not get my daughter in a delicate condition" Harold said firmly.

"Oh please Daddy, I'm a just as active instigator to sex as Chuck is" Blair said with rolling eyes, causing both her parents to spit out their tea and Chuck to suddenly seem to find the tablecloth extremely interesting. "And using protection is just as much my responsibility as it is his. I'm on the pill, but--"

"We really don't need to hear more" Harold said. The croissant had practically been turned into edible confetti by now.

"I'm just saying you can't blame Chuck for this."

"Let's not… go down those roads at all" Chuck said. "Like Lily said, we have other things that are more important that we need to focus on."

"If you're not married to my daughter then the child is going to be a Waldorf" Harold said.

"We haven't discussed that yet" Blair said.

"There's nothing to discuss."

"The name is irrelevant at this point" Chuck said, tired of standing on the same spot the entire conversation. "That decision can wait until the kid is a month or so old, at the least. There are other issues, practical ones, that need our attention now."

Lily finally returned with alcohol and Blair stared longingly at the drinks Lily handed to everyone. If she had ever needed a drink, it was now. She gave Chuck a jealous look when he grabbed his scotch and downed it in one large gulp.

"Am I to assume that my grandchild will be raised at a hotel?" Eleanor said once she had taken three large sips of her drink.

"We're not entirely sure yet" Chuck admitted. "There's no place for a nursery in my suite, unless we kick Nate out, but even if we do we won't have a place for a nanny to sleep. Right now we're thinking Blair should stay at her mother's penthouse part-time and at the Empire part-time."

"Are you planning on raising my grandchild at all, or will you just be pawning him or her off to my daughter and a bunch of au pairs?" Harold asked grimly.

"Seriously Daddy, that's enough" Blair said.

"Maybe it isn't such a bad idea for Blair to stay with her mother at first" Lily said. "A young woman with a new baby could use the comfort, help and support of her mother."

"Then she would have to take the baby and come to France" Eleanor said. "I am not moving back to New York because my daughter was careless enough to get pregnant. Honestly Lily, stay out of this. If you want to help out then we'd be glad to accept your help, but for the last time this doesn't directly concern you."

"I beg to differ" Chuck said.

"You know, perhaps I should let you two speak to Blair alone for a moment" Lily said and rose from her seat. "And I could have a word with Charles in private."

"No" Blair said. "Chuck and I are facing this execution squad together. Don't leave me alone with _two_ anti-baby enthusiasts."

"A moment alone with our daughter sounds like it's exactly what we need" Eleanor said. "Thank you Lily."

"Charles" Lily said.

Chuck looked from one person to the other before reluctantly letting go of Blair's hand and following Lily upstairs. Blair tried to protest but he was on his way up the stairs before she could really react. She glared at his retreating figure.

"When the going gets tough the tough go running off with their adoptive mothers" she remarked.

"That's enough wit out of you" Eleanor said. "I don't think you understand the seriousness of this whole situation."

"Of course I understand it Mother" Blair snarled.

"Having a baby with Chuck? At this point in your life? That boy is trouble even on his best of days, and while I will admit that he's made you happy from time to time I definitely don't think he's someone you want to count on to have a baby with. He's at least ten years away from being able to rise to such a challenge."

"I'm not worried."

"You should be" Eleanor said frankly.

"I'm not. Chuck and I belong together."

"Oh don't be naïve Blair. He refuses to marry you, doesn't that make alarm bells go off in your head?"

"What day and age do you think we live in?" Blair asked. "What, you want to sew a scarlet letter to my maternity clothes to signal to one and all and all and one that I'm a whore who had premarital sex?"

"Just listen to how he's made you talk" Harold sighed.

"Oh I wouldn't attribute that to Chuck."

"Forget for a moment about the scandal part of it" Eleanor said. "Think about what it actually means that he refuses marriage. If you both decide together to wait with tying the knot then that's a whole other discussion, but him outright refusing? Blair you're about to become bound to him in a way that outweighs marriage a thousand times over. This baby is going to tie the two of you together for life. Marriage is a much smaller commitment."

"Spoken like a divorced woman" Blair said.

"His refusal to commit himself to you in marriage speaks volumes about how set he really is to stay by your side when the baby has come" Harold said, a little more softly.

"No" Blair said, shaking her head. "You don't know Chuck."

"I know enough."

"He's not refusing marriage because he never plans on committing to me" Blair said, wishing she could make them understand. "In fact, it's kind of the opposite."

"No it's not" Eleanor said and shook her head.

"He doesn't want us to get married just because we're having a baby. When we get engaged, and I believe that we one day will, he wants it to be because we _want_ to make that commitment to one another, not because we feel like we _have_ to."

"Empty words" Harold said.

"No it's not. He doesn't want us to have a marriage based only on this kid, he wants it to be based on what we feel for each other."

"That might be what he's telling you, but I don't think that's the real truth of it" Harold said. "Blair, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or make your life any harder than I know it already is. I just don't want you to be blindsided or taken for a fool. If he loves you like he says he does, and if this baby is a product of that love, then marrying you now would be marrying for love."

"You don't get it" Blair said, feeling more frustrated by the minute, wishing desperately that Chuck hadn't gone off with Lily.

"You are the one who doesn't get it. He's obviously not dependable. There is only one reason not to marry you when you're carrying his child, and that is to leave the door open to bolt if he feels he wants to."

"He wouldn't!"

"Blair he's already standing with one foot out the door" Harold said. "Didn't you hear him when he talked about living arrangements? He wants his girlfriend and child to go back and forth between his place and your mother's; he doesn't even want to live with you and the baby when the baby has been born."

"Like he said, there's no room for a nursery at the Empire."

"And once again the hotel means more than you do" Eleanor said bluntly. "He could easily get an apartment where the three of you could live. But to him, moving from his hotel suite is unthinkable."

Blair bit her bottom lip and refused to look at her parents. Her mother had delivered a low blow and she had to fight to keep her composure and not break out in tears. Nothing she had to say seemed to make a difference to her parents.

"We really don't want to lay any burdens on you" Harold said. "All we want is for you to see the situation for what it is."

"No, this is just you guys not trusting Chuck. Fine, don't trust him. I do."

"You're so wrapped up in your feelings for him and in your idea of how this pregnancy will play out" Harold said. "You're not seeing him, you're not hearing what he's saying. He's outright telling us he doesn't want to be your husband and he doesn't want to live with you and his child. This can only end in disaster. But I will give him this, at least he's being frank about it."

"We will stay together" Blair said, lifting her chin and shooting her father a death glare. "Chuck and I are forever. And we will move into an apartment together, him and me and the baby, when we are ready."

"A young woman's fantasies" Eleanor said. "I don't trust him. He's hurt you before, and he's run away from far less serious matters."

"That doesn't mean he will run away when his own child is a factor" Blair said.

"Men have run away from that time and time again" her mother argued. "For that matter, so have women. His own stepmother gave her firstborn up for adoption."

"Is that what you would have _me_ do, Mother? Give my baby up?"

"It is something to think about."

"No, never. We may not have planned this baby but it is still our lovechild and I will not hand it over to someone else when it's born."

"Then you'd better be prepared for all that comes with motherhood, and prepared to do it all without Chuck. Having a baby is no walk in the park, you know."

"Oh and you know? Please, you've barely been a mother yourself."

Blair glared at her parents and put the hand Chuck had been holding on her stomach. There was no way her parents would be able to make her change her mind about this. There was nothing they could say that would make her believe Chuck would run.

"You watch your mouth young lady" Eleanor said grimly.

"You just wait and see Mother" Blair said. "I am going to raise this child and I'm going to do it with my boyfriend. And we are going to be great parents. I won't ever leave my child with the hired help to go abroad for weeks at a time. I will never put my baby at the bottom of my list of priorities like you so often did with me."

"_You_ just wait and see" Eleanor said. "When that baby comes you will forgive me everything. Trust me."

Blair scoffed and furiously grabbed a scone from the plate on the table. If her parents weren't going to be supportive of her and Chuck right now then to hell with them. She didn't need her mother. Eleanor had never really been there for her anyway. She would do fine without her. And who was her father to talk about running away? Like he hadn't done that himself when he divorced Blair's mother.

The three of them glared at each other across the table. This had not gone well so far, and from the looks of it there was only one direction it would be going next.

* * *

Lily led Chuck inside his father's old office and closed the door behind them. He took a deep breath and sighed with relief before turning around to look at her.

"Thanks. I needed a break from those two."

"I meant what I said, they need to have a word in private with their child and so do I" Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You want to talk to me about the birds and the bees? A little late for that."

"Don't try to be cute. You do realize this is serious, don't you?"

"Of course I realize it is serious" Chuck said with dark eyes, tired of the older generation treating both him and Blair like they were idiots.

"Do you? Do you really?"

"Yes, and believe me, having this baby is not something I look forward to. I just don't see what choice we have."

"And you understand why Blair's parents are having a meltdown down there?"

"I don't need a lecture, least of all from you. Contrary to what the eyes of the law think you are not my mother."

"And yet you were the one who asked me to be here. Telling me the news at the same time as Blair's parents."

He made a face and walked over to the other side of the room, resting his hands on his father's old desk. For once he wished his father had been there to help him out. Bart could never have been called a rock even at his best of days, but at least he would have understood what was going through Chuck's mind. The two of them were much alike in some aspects and Bart would no doubt have seen the same problems as Chuck and might have been able to come with a few solutions.

"Not only am I your mother, in a manner of speaking" Lily said, walking closer to him. "I am also the last person in the world who will judge you and Blair. You knew that I would understand perfectly because I was in your position just over twenty years ago."

"Except you weren't" Chuck argued. "You got knocked up by a guy you had already dumped before you found out about the baby. That's hardly the same. You were alone. Blair and I are together."

"Yes, which is why I would have even less reason to judge you."

"But also why you would have a much grimmer view of the situation" Chuck said, staring out the window in front of him. "We're not in the same position you were and we will find other ways to handle it."

"Regardless of what you decide to do this is going to be hard" Lily pointed out gently.

He didn't bother dignifying her comment with a response. The truth was he did find it relieving to have Lily involved. Even without her personal experience with unplanned pregnancy at a young age she would probably be able to take a calmer approach to what was going on. Since she hadn't raised him, only adopted him in his late teens, she stood a bit further away from the situation and could see things in a different light than Harold and Eleanor. He counted on her to go easier on himself and Blair. Having her on their side would mean a lot, she would be a strong ally. Above all he needed somebody in the adult corner who didn't hate him for having gotten his young girlfriend pregnant.

She walked over to him and stood next to him, looking at him silently for a minute. He didn't make eye contact. It was difficult to know exactly how to act around her, since she wasn't his mother yet in a way she was.

"I meant what I said downstairs" she said. "I think you would be making the biggest mistake of your life by not getting married."

He turned his head and glared at her.

"You of all people should not be propagating the preservation of the nuclear family."

"That's not what I'm trying to do, I am thinking about other matters."

"Who gives a damn what society deems proper?" he asked. "That decision is up to me and my girlfriend."

"I don't care one bit about society" she said. "There are other very real reasons why you need to marry that girl before the baby comes."

"Like what?"

"Like you need to protect your rights to the baby."

"What?"

"If the two of you aren't married and you end up going your separate ways then it is going to be very difficult for you to obtain your rights to the baby."

"I'm not too concerned."

"You should be. All your money isn't going to get you far in that situation when Blair has money too. Do you really believe a judge would grant custody to you above her? With your reputation?"

"If Blair and I should break up I would assume we'd share custody" Chuck said.

"Yes, you would assume. But things may look very different a few years down the line when you've both bonded with the child, and you never know what kind of breakup you might have. If it's not amicable Blair might let the claws come out and fight for her right to have the baby to herself. Especially the way you're playing your cards right now."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you shouldn't be suggesting that she lives with her mother half the time and you only be a part-time parent."

"Listen, no matter what happens between Blair and I, no matter how ugly a split between us might get, I don't believe she would keep me away from the child if I wanted to be in its life. We would be civilized enough to share custody."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that. I don't think Blair would take lightly to being separated from her child and settle for shared custody."

"What are you saying Lily? You think she'd sue for sole custody and then forbid me from seeing the kid? I don't see her doing that."

"Maybe she wouldn't forbid you, but you never know what will happen in life. She might get a job elsewhere or meet someone from another part of the world and decide to relocate. If she does the child will go with her."

"Thanks for the horror propaganda, though it really would be more effective if I was looking forward to being a father. Honestly I think this whole thing sucks, pure and simple. And by the way, how is all that you just said going to be different if I marry her now? You think we'd stick together if we were married? Why? Because we wouldn't want the scandal of a divorce? Trust me, if Blair and I decide to split neither children nor marriage licenses will stop us."

"Your legal situation would be entirely different if you're divorcing" Lily pointed out. "Children born within wedlock are not as easily handed off to the mother in a separation. You would be looking at an entirely different situation. Marry her now to protect your rights to the child if the two of you don't work out."

"How romantic. I should include that in my proposal."

"I'm only trying to protect you interests Charles."

"See this is one of the things I hate about that damn fetus. Things that would happen naturally on their own are now things that we should be forced into as quick as possible. I do not wish to be Blair's husband right now and I will not marry her because she's going to punch out a kid in a few months. Not that I expect you to understand wanting to wait with marriage, seeing as how you've never waited more than a coffee break before getting married."

"I will let that one slide, but seriously Charles, if you love her and you think you will marry her someday then you really should do it as soon as possible. Not for society, not for Blair, not even for the baby but for you."

"When I ask Blair to be my wife it will be for no other reason than that I love her and I want her for life. I honestly don't know if I this will be everlasting. I mean, I _want_ it to be, but… Forever is a long time. I don't want to lose her, I want to be with her for a very long time, but when I picture myself at age eighty I don't know if I see myself with Blair still or not. We haven't been together long enough yet and God knows we haven't had a smooth ride. We couldn't even make it a full year the first time around."

"So what are you saying?" Lily asked. "You don't think you and Blair can make it?"

"I'm saying… I'm saying I'm not ready to make such a commitment to her yet. And I'm scared that if we marry too soon it will ruin us. There will be a whole other pressure on us to make it work, everything will change. It's not something we should be doing until we are _ready_. Baby or no baby."

"You will still feel that pressure" Lily said. "The pressure to work every indifference out because there's a child's family on the line."

"But without the bonds of marriage there is still room to move, to breathe. If things start to suck we can take a break from each other, spend time apart, then move ahead. If we're married there is no such room. Look I love her and I really want to be the person she's with. But when I ask her to marry me I want her to know for sure that I'm asking because I love her so much, not because I got her pregnant and feel I have to make her an honorable woman. Why rush? If it's going to happen then it will happen eventually."

"Had you said this to me yesterday I would have agreed with you" Lily said. "Contrary to what you may believe I actually do think waiting can be a good idea and you don't always have to rush into something that might happen later on anyway. But now I know you're going to be a father Charles and that changes everything. Why rush? Because the two of you are about to become parents."

"I appreciate the fact that you're trying to protect my interests" Chuck said candidly. "But I will not marry her like this. Our marriage is not going to be about anything other than love. Babies be damned."

"At least promise me you'll think about it" Lily said, putting a hand on his arm.

"I don't need to think about it. I'm adamant about this."

"You're about to find out that when a child comes into the picture, the things you have been adamant about might change."

He snorted but said nothing further. She walked over to the couch and sat down, eyeing him in silence for a moment. It was obvious to her that Chuck didn't want this baby, and she had a feeling Eleanor and Harold knew it to. The only one who probably didn't was Blair. She couldn't blame Blair's parents for being skeptical and wary towards Chuck.

"Come sit down" she said, patting on the couch next to her. "Talk to me. You're not as excited about this as Blair is, are you?"

He slowly turned around to face her, keeping his head held low. He slowly shook his head and sighed, knowing there was no reason to deny it but feeling like an ass for having those feelings in the first place.

"Charles what you're feeling is perfectly normal" Lily said. "You're nineteen and you haven't figured your own future out yet. Becoming a parent all of a sudden is a huge undertaking, one that changes everything."

He walked over and sunk down on the couch next to her. He gave her a look and wished he had the strength to offer her a smile.

"Thank you" he said.

"Well the situation is eerily familiar to me. I can relate."

"No I mean it, thanks. For at least trying to help. All I expect to get from Blair's parents is a lot of scolding and possibly the threat of being gutted."

"Castrated, more likely."

He laughed a joyless laugh and stared into space. She put an arm around his shoulders and gave him a little smile.

"They might just change their minds when they see their grandchild" she said. "The two of you are not alone, you know that right? I'm here, Harold and Eleanor are too even if they're suffering through a near death experience at the moment. Somehow we'll figure this out."

He nodded slightly and almost smiled. He really was grateful to Lily. And luckily Blair's parents lived on the other side of the Atlantic so he wouldn't have to put up with their resentment too often.

"We should go downstairs" he said, standing back up. "I've left Blair alone with them for far too long."

"Just remember what I said, and at least keep it in mind" Lily said. "Marriage to Blair might turn out to be your saving grace. Even if right now you don't think you would ever want any form of custody of the baby."

He left the room without replying, Lily following in his heels. With heavy feet he walked down the stairs, still not ready to face the future grandparents but at least feeling a little bit better knowing he had Lily's support. He would need it, and so would Blair.

* * *

Serena found Blair practically beaming the next day, when they met up for the first time since their lunch before Blair's doctor's appointment. Serena had hoped Blair had gotten good news, and that she wasn't keeping silent because she was in denial about whatever the doctor had said. Seeing Blair now left no doubt that the news had been good. Blair was smiling from ear to ear, but in addition to that there was something else, something Serena couldn't quite put her finger on.

She noticed Blair was wearing a loosely fitting satin blouse along with a skirt Serena had thought was too big for her. She had been with Blair when she got home and tried it on, only to realize she had gotten the wrong size by mistake. Apparently she had gone back and exchanged it after all. It couldn't just be that Blair was happy about having gotten that skirt in the proper size. Something about Blair's face seemed different.

"S, come, sit" Blair beamed, motioning for Serena to join her on the couch.

They were at Eleanor Waldorf's penthouse. Serena had been surprised to hear from her mother that both Blair's parents had flown in from Paris a few days earlier but right now there was no sign of Eleanor. The two girls were alone and Blair was eager to share her news with her best friend.

"I have something I need to tell you" Blair said when Serena sat down.

"I assume the trip to the doctor went well? You're not dying from diabetes before your twentieth birthday?"

"What? No, no of course not" Blair said, waving a hand dismissively. "But I have something else I need to share. And I hope you will be excited about it. It would be nice if at least somebody was."

"Okay, tell me."

Blair smiled and grabbed Serena's hands.

"I'm having a baby."

Serena's jaw dropped. Blair studied her face to determine her reaction. When no response came she moved their hands around as if trying to jolt something out of Serena.

"You can react now" she said.

"You, you what?" Serena stuttered.

"I'm in a blessed condition!"

"Wh… How?"

Blair rolled her eyes, wondering why everybody seemed to be asking _that_ question. The _how_ should be the obvious part.

"Well S, sometimes when a Chuck and a Blair love each other they like to go lie down together in a bed, and then they--"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it" Serena said. "But still… I mean…"

"It happened by accident, but it's great news!"

"Is it? For both of you?"

"Why must everybody react as if I'm announcing the arrival of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse?" Blair frowned.

"I'm sorry" Serena said. "I'm just… a little taken aback. And forgive me, but this doesn't sound like the kind of thing that would have my stepbrother jumping for joy."

"He's fine" Blair sighed. "And more importantly, so am I, and so is junior."

"Wow, I… This really is a surprise. Pregnant? What are you guys going to do, are you going to keep it?"

"Has my behavior thus far made it seem to you like I'm heading out after this conversation to have an abortion?"

"No, but B… a baby? You and Chuck?"

"Me and Chuck" Blair confirmed, placing a hand on her stomach with a smile. "That's not all though."

"Twins?" Serena asked with a touch of fear in her voice.

"I'm already at four months. We just didn't know it because I wasn't having any of the telltale signs."

"So you're having this thing in less than half a year?"

"March eleventh, mark your calendar."

Serena swallowed and tried to find something nice to say. She couldn't come up with anything. For what possible reason would Blair think this was such great news?

"I don't mean to rain all over your parade, but…"

"Fine, go ahead" Blair sighed. "Or rather, get in line."

"Are you sure you want to be a mother? Now?"

"Can we please just drop all such discussions? This isn't about me and Chuck sitting down one day deciding it's time to procreate. This is about us finding out we've already conceived. This isn't what I had planned, and yes, Chuck is apprehensive. But it's going to be fine."

"Okay, if you say so…"

Serena looked away and imagined the disaster this might all end up being. Clearly Blair was already lost in her perfect movie, "_Two Upper East Side Teens and a Baby_", and if she knew the baby daddy as well as she thought she did he was probably drinking his bodyweight in scotch right about now.

"S…" Blair said, taking her hand again. "This is good news. Be happy for me."

"I just want whatever's best for you" Serena offered.

Blair looked down and Serena could see that wasn't the answer she was looking for. But she couldn't be supportive of this. Or at least not be happy about it. She had a strong feeling that her best friend and her stepbrother were headed for a crash, and this time there would be no easy fixes. A child was something that could never be undone. Serena did not look forward to having front row seats to Blair and Chuck's lives falling apart.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review.


	5. Chapter 5

Opinions seem to be varied about Chuck and his actions/reactions. Like I've said before, it won't be an over-night change =) This particular chapter has been re-written quite a lot (I think like 60% is what I originally wrote and the rest is new/changed stuff) but I hope it's not too shaky.

I finally saw "**Inglorious Bassterds**" the other day (and found myself wanting to listen to "_El Tango De Roxanne_" when it was over). Wow, Chuck really was a much bigger jerk than I had thought based on my limited knowledge. That being said, it will be a while before I get to see the next episode, so please, please don't spoil anything for me! Finale stuff especially!

Random trivia: In my first AN for this story I mentioned that I originally intended it as a three-parter. This is where chapter two would have started if I had kept it that way.

* * *

Blair ceremoniously placed her shopping bags on the bed and opened the closet doors. This was the end of Step One of her new game plan. The plan she had spent all night working out, between her trips to the bathroom. She had been wide awake almost all night, not drifting off until around four. Her mind had been far too active for her to be able to sleep.

Chuck had been still all night, like he tended to be. He wasn't much of an active sleeper and neither was she, though sometimes when he had vivid dreams he would move about and on one memorable occasion he had even talked in his sleep. Last night he had been so still and quiet that she would have forgotten he was even there if it hadn't been for the steady breathing coming from the other side of the bed.

When she had woken up it was past ten in the morning, the longest she had slept in as far as she could remember. Chuck had been gone, and when she had gotten out of bed she had noticed Nate was too.

Having the day all to herself she had taken a long, hot shower and then gotten into one of the few dresses she had that still fitted. That was where Step One came into play. She was tired of having to choose her outfits based on what she could fit into. Once she had learned she was pregnant it was as if the baby or her body wanted to make up for the long time she had spent being unaware. Her waistline had increased by an inch in the two weeks that had passed and she wasn't sure if that was the speed at which it normally happened. All she really cared about though was being able to dress nicely.

So her first step would be to go out and shop for maternity clothes. She had called Serena and asked her to come along but Serena had made some excuse about something that sounded incredibly vague and Blair had decided to just let it slide and go off on her own.

She had quickly realized that she had no idea what to look for with maternity wear. How did regular clothe sizes translate? Should she buy the things that fit her perfectly now, or get things she would be able to wear later? How would she even know how long she would be able to fit into one particular size? She thanked all mighty powers that she had been born rich and could afford buying new clothes every other week, but at the same time it would be quite sad to buy great looking maternity outfits and not be able to wear them all before she needed to move up a size. It was quite a problem.

In addition she realized she needed to figure out what outfits to keep where. She spent some of her time at the Empire, some at her mother's penthouse and some at the dorms, so she would need clothes that fit in all those places. Or at least her mother's place and Chuck's. She didn't plan on staying at a common dormitory while carrying her baby. The poor thing deserved something more dignified than that.

Those were the kind of things she had been up most of the night thinking about. In the end she had decided to go out shopping today and bring everything back to the Empire. Then she'd go out shopping again tomorrow and bring everything she bought then to her mother's. A plan that seemed simple enough.

After showering and getting dressed she had eaten a large breakfast to fuel up for a long day of shopping. Then she had spent far too long in front of the mirror, judging her own appearance, trying to determine whether or not she looked pregnant to the unknowing eye. The pregnancy was still not public knowledge, though she checked Gossip Girl every day to see if anything had been mentioned. Not that she didn't expect news like that to warrant a text blast, but she still liked stopping by the site just to make sure.

If she was ever going to end up on Gossip Girl along with rumors of a baby on the way it was bound to happen after today. She had taken one last look in the mirror, decided that she at the most looked a little bloated, and then braced herself to go out shopping and risk being photographed in the maternity department. She had then walked back into the suite and searched for a pair of sunglasses, so that she could make an attempt at hiding her identity.

Now she was back from her shopping spree with three bags of clothes. She hadn't dared to buy more than that right now. She had thought about asking a store clerk for help, since they ought to have some idea what the best strategy was for maternity wear. She had quickly dismissed the thought however, feeling a bit too awkward being in the maternity ward to begin with. She noticed people looking at her, probably because of her young age, and didn't want to draw more attention to herself than necessary.

She walked inside the closet and forcefully pushed all the clothes hanging on her side of the closet as far back as possible. She would have to send Dorota over to pack up all her regular clothes and send them off to storage for now. She really didn't want any of those outfits hanging in there as a reminder of her normal figure as she just kept growing bigger and bigger.

In her mind she imagined herself keeping the exact same figure as before while pregnant, only with larger boobs and a belly the exact size of a baby, not a gram more. Knowing her luck though she would probably look like a hippo in no time. She had complained to Chuck about it, which had only led to him calling her his Hungry Hungry Hippo, which in turn almost resulted in him having to spend the night on the couch.

She walked back out and picked up the first item of clothing from the bag. It was a beautiful silk dress, purple as by her boyfriend's preferences. It was actually far too big for her at this point but she had fallen in love with it when she first saw it. It was the kind of dress that would accent her breasts, which she loved since she was finally going to have bigger ones and therefore wanted to highlight it, and her stomach without making her look like a shapeless blob. When she looked at it she couldn't wait until she was seven months along and would be fitting beautifully into it.

That desire quickly went away when she realized how big she would be by then. Regardless of how aware she was of the reason why she would keep getting bigger it was still a hard truth to swallow. She had been so afraid of gaining any weight at all ever since she was fourteen, so having to put on all that baby weight scared her a little. What was even scarier was the thought of being unable to shed that baby weight within a few weeks. Another item on the mental list she had made during the night was to find a good personal trainer who could beat her back into shape starting the day after the child was born.

She hung up the purple dress and continued with the clothes that would fit her now. She had bought a couple of skirts, but mostly dresses, since she figured she would be more comfortable without waistbands. Not to mention lack of waistband meant lack of terror at feeling it stretch more and more.

To go with the skirts she had bought a couple of sweaters, none of which were as fashionable as she would have wanted but perhaps she would luck out tomorrow and at least find something in cashmere or satin. The selection had been pretty disappointing in the stores she had visited today so she put her hope to brighter prospects tomorrow. Perhaps she would even be able to get Serena to come with her on her next shopping tour and they could look for fashionable maternity shirts together.

Blair took her time putting everything up on hangers, her mood shifting back and forth between excitement over seeing her maternity clothes and depression over actually being able to fit into them.

The last thing she had bought was for Chuck. During her shopping tour she had gotten a flash of sadness over not being able to go to the parts of the stores she usually went to, so to make herself feel better she had gone to one of the few she could still shop at like before, which was the men's department. There she had found a new shirt for Chuck, which she now gently lifted from the bag and placed almost ceremoniously on his side of the bed.

She then plopped down on her side and glanced over at the clock. It was still fairly early, and she had no idea what to do now. She felt like she should be doing something meaningful now that she was with child. Mothers to be shouldn't just lounge about like it was any other day, not when they were in this blessed condition.

She had to admit to herself though that the condition didn't seem all to blessed all the time. At this point it didn't feel much like anything at all. Except, like she was getting larger by the second. The baby wasn't kicking yet, she knew it was moving around in there but she couldn't feel it. She wasn't experiencing any real cravings either. Cravings, baby kicks and nausea were the three things she had always thought would be most prominent when she got pregnant. Her not experiencing any single one of those, at least not yet, made her feel a bit like she was being cheated of the experience.

She could happily do without the nausea, she was only grateful to not have to deal with that. But was it too much to ask for to at least get some form of funny craving? She felt nothing. At least no more than the occasional cravings she had gotten for as far back as she could remember and those didn't count.

She let herself fall backwards so that she was lying down, looking up at the ceiling. The first thought that came to mind was that Chuck still hadn't gotten around to installing that mirror he had been talking about since forever. Now there was a thought appropriate for a soon-to-be mother.

With a sigh she glanced over at Chuck's alarm clock. Chuck would not be home for hours and if Serena didn't have time to go out shopping she probably didn't have time for anything else. Absent-mindedly caressing her belly Blair suddenly felt very lonely. She wondered what it would be like when the baby was born. Would she end up stranded at home while Chuck went out to do his business, spending most of her time alone with the baby?

She summoned up all her willpower and drove those thoughts away from her mind. So what if she would end up completely isolated after the baby's birth? She would have her baby and that would be all she needed. Right?

* * *

Chuck spent most of his day meeting with his lawyers to discuss his plans to open up a new club. It took forever, and he still hadn't gotten as far as he would have liked. While he sat there listening to one of the lawyers go on and on about something he already knew Chuck was struck with the thought that he might soon need a lawyer for more personal affairs.

Despite his determination to do things his way with engagement and such, Lily's words came back to him. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to speak with an actual lawyer and see what they thought he should do. As much trouble as he had making his peace with the upcoming addition to the household he couldn't deny that it was smart to make preparations in case he felt differently later on. He was vaguely beginning to realize that that small bump on his girlfriend's belly was his heir, and as such he should probably make sure he had access to the kid and a say in his or hers upbringing.

Was that a politically correct way of putting it? He should probably word it differently when speaking to a lawyer. "Be a part of his or her life" probably sounded better than "have access to". He should probably start thinking about how he phrased himself with things regarding the unborn child.

One thing was certain. He would have to find himself a new lawyer to deal with this particular predicament. Someone specializing in family law, who could tell him exactly what he needed to know. The only real question was how to approach the subject with Blair. She wasn't acting much differently than normal but he didn't think it was wise to test to see at what point she would turn hormonal on him. Sitting her down for a chat about how he would be able to keep a strong influence in the child's upbringing even if him and Blair split up probably wasn't the smartest idea.

The whole situation still felt surreal to him. He hadn't completely fathomed it yet, and luckily Blair hadn't started buying baby stuff or much pregnancy stuff so there was very little in his day that signaled that it was all for real. The slight changes in Blair's physiology and the pregnancy books she read at night were so far the only pieces of evidence around.

Since it was taking time for him to even grasp that it was all really happening he had gotten no further to accepting his upcoming role as father and he wasn't excited about it in the least. He tried his best to hide his hesitance and for the most part he believed he succeeded. Not that she hadn't noted his lack of enthusiasm but it seemed to come off more as though he hadn't grasped it yet rather than hesitation. At least she seemed to be more accepting of that, especially since there were so few outward signs of what was going on. She could apparently accept that it wasn't really real to him yet but he wondered for how long that stance would last.

For the time being they were both speaking very little about the whole situation. It was almost like an elephant in the room. Something they needed to address but tried to avoid as much as possible, except for a few stray comments here or there. So long as they didn't talk much about it they could maintain status quo and not risk rocking the boat.

They wouldn't be able to continue like that for very long though and they both knew it. Every day they avoided having serious conversations about it was one less day for them to start actively preparing for the arrival of the baby.

When his meetings were finally done he decided to have Arthur drop him off a few blocks away from the hotel so he could walk back home. He could really use some fresh air and some alone time to think about his plans for the new club. He was aiming for another speakeasy, but he needed something to set it apart from Victrola and Gimlet. So far he hadn't figured out the right angle yet.

He wondered what Blair had been up to during the day. He worried a bit about how she seemed to have taken a break from most of her usual daytime activities since she learned about her condition, primarily a break from college. All she seemed to do was sit around in the suite, at least the days she spent at the Empire. He wasn't quite sure what she did on the days she spent at her mother's penthouse. He didn't want her to end up isolated, she needed people around her, himself included, whom she could count on for support and understanding.

He reached the hotel and considered texting Blair to see if she was even at the Empire. If she wasn't he would call Arthur and go over to the Waldorf penthouse. Now that Eleanor had returned to Paris he dared to set foot there again. He realized he had really missed Blair during the day and was looking forward to seeing her again. Still he decided not to text her. If she wasn't upstairs he could give her a call after he'd taken a shower.

When he got up to the penthouse he spotted Blair's coat and knew she was there. A smile crept across his face. A quick look around told him that she wasn't in the living room or the kitchen, which probably meant she was fast asleep given how prone she had become to naps. He walked into the bedroom and found her reading one of her baby books.

"How's the mother of my child today?" he asked.

"Disappointed in the lack of good maternity wear" she replied in a sullen tone.

"You went shopping today?"

"Uh-huh."

"Did you get anything suitable for a night out?" he asked while loosening his tie.

"Didn't you just hear me say there's a lack of good maternity wear in this city?"

"You must have found _something_ that is fitting for dinner at a five star restaurant" he said. "I'm taking you out to dinner and you can't wear something that hides your figure."

"Why not?" Blair asked.

"Well…" he said, sitting down at the foot of the bed. "Now that your parents know about the baby I think it's time we get the Gossip Girl blast and whatever media coverage there might be out of the way. And we're doing it together. You, me and your belly, out having dinner together where everyone can see that the Basses and the Waldorfs are going to have an addition to their family trees."

She put the book down and looked at him.

"Once it becomes public it's going to be harder to hide from it" she said.

"Great. Hiding from it is a terrible idea. Besides, I want the news to come out in a way that shows we're in it together and that we're not ashamed of it. If we try to hide your growing belly people will figure it out anyway but they will begin to wonder why we try to keep it secret. So what do you say, Waldorf? Do you and the baby care to come with me out to dinner? I'll let you pick the restaurant."

A smile spread across her face.

"How did you know I was hungry, Bass?"

* * *

Chuck and Blair were lying side by side in bed, both staring up at the ceiling. It was Friday night and they had just had sex for the first time since finding out about the baby. It had been the most awkward sexual experience they had ever shared and now neither one of them knew quite what to say.

It had started off fairly good, but once they had gotten to the actual intercourse part they had both immediately known something was off. When it was over Chuck had gotten down by her side and neither of them had spoken in a while.

Chuck hadn't expected this to happen. He wasn't one of those idiots who believed he might accidentally poke the baby in the head, or something. The one time he had paid very close attention at school was when they were studying female anatomy in biology class and he was well aware that it was impossible to get anywhere near her womb. The closest he might get was her cervix, which had accidentally happened on a few occasions, all of which had resulted in Blair screaming and kicking him out of bed.

As it turned out, fear of poking the baby was not the only hang-up you could get while having sex with the mother of your unborn child. Once he was on top of her he had felt the contact between his stomach and hers, specifically feeling the small bump. That had immediately made his mind wander. It might not be an actual issue just yet, but what about later? The thought of squashing the poor fetus between them was not sexy in the least, only disturbing.

As soon as that thought had entered his mind he had tried to roll them over so that she was on top but she had objected, saying that she wanted to feel his weight on her for as long as the missionary was an option. So he had tried to lift himself up and not put his weight at the particular place where he felt her bump but she had protested whenever he had tried to do anything that would involve loss of body contact.

For Blair it had just felt sad when Chuck tried to lift his weight off of her. They hadn't had sex in far too long and she wanted it to be as intimate as possible, their two bodies as close to one another as they possibly could be. And she wanted it to be with him on top because there was something about that position that made her feel safe. But with his reluctance to let their bodies meet the way they were used to the experience had been anything but an experience of closeness. If anything it had felt like the exact opposite, a distance appearing between them.

It had turned out to be the quietest and most awkward sex they had ever had with one another. She was far from satisfied and was starting to feel very frustrated. How Chuck was feeling was anyone's guess but she had a suspicion that his biggest grievance at the moment was how the whole experience must have hurt his sexual ego.

"Okay how odd was that?" Chuck finally said.

"I didn't know we had it in us to have substandard sex" Blair replied.

"Neither did I. I'm sorry."

"I'm not sure which one of us is supposed to be sorry" she said. "Was it you? Me? Because I'm a little surprised, we were going hot and heavy until we got to what's usually the best part."

"I honestly don't know…"

They both thought about it for a moment, neither one willing to say out loud what they thought the problem had been.

"On the bright side" Chuck said. "Even if it kind of sucked by our standard it was still probably better than the sex most other couples have, all things considered."

"I guess the grade average would suggest that" Blair nodded. "But honestly Chuck, foreplay aside that wasn't very good at all."

"So what do we do?"

"Just go to sleep?"

"I don't think I can just go to sleep after an experience like that."

Blair nodded slowly and turned to look at him. He looked back at her and reached for her hand under the covers.

"Were you having a freak-out because this is our first time since..?" she asked gently.

"No, no of course not."

"You sure?"

"Not a freak-out in the traditional sense. It was just… I started thinking about when the baby gets bigger, and… if I put my weight on you where does the baby go?"

"I was thinking we'd go for other positions when the bump becomes a logistical problem" Blair said. "Which is one of the reasons why I wanted missionary tonight."

"Okay, fine…"

"So… Anything further you wanted to say?"

"Just… You know, once that thought was in my head it was hard _not_ to think about it. It… messed up my groove."

"Yeah, I get it."

"So what about you?" he asked, running his thumb over the back of her hand. "What was it that threw it for you?"

"I don't know, something just felt off."

"This sucks" Chuck sighed.

"All things considered it's a miracle we even finished" Blair said. "Or, well, you finished. Sort of."

"We do have a certain devotion to the activity. We don't start up a round and then not finish it."

"And hey, this was the first time after the rather radical change in our lives" Blair pointed out. "I'm sure next time will be… better."

"Huh." He raised an eyebrow. "Care to test that theory?"

"Let me guess, you're eager to drive the memory of what just happened away by having sex that's actually amazing?"

"Well there's that… And I'm feeling pretty unsatisfied."

"That makes two of us."

"Excuse me Waldorf, I satisfied you good and proper before things went awkward" Chuck said with a frown.

"Chuck, it's been almost three weeks. We could go at it all night and I probably still wouldn't feel _entirely_ satisfied."

"I see your point."

"Listen…" she said, turning over to lie on her side. "We have a lot of things going on right now. It's not surprising that our sexlife would suffer because of it."

"You're forgetting that this is _us_" Chuck said. "We're Chuck and Blair. We use sex to vent our frustration over everything else that's going on in our lives."

"Except when what's going on is something concerning our relationship."

"What are you saying, exactly?" Chuck asked, feeling a bit nervous.

"We've both been avoiding the elephant in the room ever since my parents went back to France. That doesn't mean the issues are just going to go away. Maybe our sexlife will continue to suffer until we really talk this through."

"There's nothing to talk about right now" Chuck argued. "We've talked at length about most of it already, we did that before we told Eleanor and Harold."

"And yet it's like we haven't talked about anything."

He turned his eyes back to study the ceiling. Blair watched him, waiting for him to respond, but he didn't seem interested in saying anything further.

"Chuck?"

"You're over thinking" he said. "The problem isn't that we haven't talked; the problem is that you _worry_ we haven't talked enough. Just put it out of your mind during sex, you'll discover we can have fantastic sex without having discussed every issue at length."

"We haven't discussed _any_ issues at length" Blair shot back. "Is it really so odd that I'm having a hard time relaxing and enjoying sex with my boyfriend when he is also the highly unwilling father of my unborn child?"

He bit his lower lip. So she was more aware of his state of mind than he had thought.

Blair waited for him to say something that would prove her last statement wrong. With every second he kept silent it became more and more obvious that she had hit the nail on its head. He wasn't warming up to the idea of parenthood.

"Look, it's not…" he then began. "I just… Blair I can't fake excitement I do not feel. I'm not panicking or anything, I just…"

"You know what, you're right" she said. "Maybe we shouldn't talk about this. Let's just… go to sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

She rolled over on her other side, away from him. After a while she felt him shift in bed too, moving so that they were now lying back to back.

She thought she would never be able to go to sleep, but it only took a few minutes for her to drift off. She slept through the night uninterrupted, dreaming one crazy dream after another. When she woke up she still felt exhausted, and in addition she was starving and hornier than ever.

She rolled over and opened her eyes slowly. Chuck wasn't in bed, but there was a breakfast tray sitting on his side, with a note wedged in between the glass of orange juice and the cup of fresh berries.

She sat up and grabbed the note, mindlessly munching down a couple of blueberries while she read it.

"_B – went tie shopping with Nate. Didn't want to wake you. Sorry about last night, but practice makes perfect right? Try again tonight? Love you – C._"

A smile slowly spread across her face. She reached for the toast and began to slowly chew on it while deciding what she would do today. She had heard a lot about mood swings and how they were supposedly a pain in the ass, but if they could make her go from clinically depressed to excitedly happy in under two minutes she thought they were most welcome.

Of course, it also helped that her boyfriend left her breakfast in bed and a sweet note to start off her day.

* * *

"Chop, chop Dorota!" Blair said and clapped her hands together. "We've got a lot of work to do so let's get busy."

Dorota came hurrying up to the closet where Blair was standing and gave her a big smile. Blair returned the smile and went to sit down on the edge of the bed in her room at Eleanor's penthouse. She had finally gotten around to Step Three, which was to take all her normal clothes and put them away carefully to patiently wait in storage until she could fit into them again.

It was such a relief to be spending the entire afternoon with Dorota. She was the only one whose excitement about the baby matched Blair's own. That was the beauty of Dorota. When Blair was happy she was happy.

Dorota was also a resource since she had her own recent experiences with unplanned pregnancy. Blair hadn't spoken to her yet about anything that really had to do with the actual physiological process but it felt very reassuring to know she had someone she could turn to, someone who knew what it was like and who was completely on Blair's side. She could do just fine without her mother, so long as Dorota was there.

"Now" Blair said. "Nearly everything in this closet must be put aside to make room for maternity clothes. Until I am back to being a size two none of these clothes must come within my line of sight. Understood?"

"We put them in storage" Dorota nodded excitedly. "Oh Miss Blair you got wonderful maternity wear. You will be prettiest mama in New York."

"Of course" Blair smiled modestly.

She was feeling much better today than she had in a long time. Part of it was thanks to Dorota's company, but another part of it was her and Chuck having finally had great sex the night before. She was feeling satisfied and at peace.

Dorota efficiently began lifting out one outfit after the other from Blair's closet, carefully folding each one and placing them in large suitcases resting on the floor. The dresses that couldn't be folded were laid down in their garment bags next to Blair on the bed. Gently she stroke the bags, wondering how long it would be before she would fit into these dresses again.

"What do you want to do with shoes?" Dorota asked.

"Shoes?"

"Feet get big and swollen" Dorota said. "Mister Louboutin will have to be put aside as well till after birth."

Blair frowned. She hadn't noticed her feet getting any bigger, but now that Dorota mentioned it she seemed to recall hearing other pregnant women whine about how big and bloated their feet were. She shuddered. A swollen belly was one thing, but her feet?

"Let's just… leave them for now" she said, determined to will her feet into staying their proper size.

Dorota bent down and closed all the suitcases. Blair watched with a slight smile. It felt good to have the clothes out of sight. Dorota picked up the many garment bags and put them on a rack which was then wheeled out into the hallway. She came back and took a seat next to Blair, beaming at her.

"Miss Blair, you truly look glowing."

Blair beamed back at her. When she was with Dorota she felt that statement was true. She was the only one she could be this openly excited with and not have to feel like she was being judged or like her condition was anything other than a cause for happiness.

"Who would have thought just a year ago that we would both end up becoming mothers so soon?" she said, taking Dorota's hands.

"Miss Blair I am happy my baby will grow up with yours" Dorota said. "They will be like brother and sister!"

Blair looked a little surprised and Dorota blushed.

"Pardon, Miss Blair. I'm just over excited."

"No it's okay Dorota." She smiled gently. "Maybe they can be like… cousins."

Dorota grinned and nearly skipped up and down with excitement. Blair laughed a little and leaned in to hug her.

"I am so glad you share my excitement over this, Dorota" she said.

"Of course I do Miss Blair. You will make wonderful mother. And Mister Chuck strong, protective father."

Blair nodded slowly and felt herself welling up. She took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay, not wanting to ruin this moment by bawling.

Dorota sensed her mood and gave her a little smile and a pat on the cheek.

"Now, what you say we go to Ben & Jerry's and eat ice-cream till we both sick? When Dorota was pregnant, she always sent out Vanya to buy Phish Food."

Blair giggled and nodded.

"Yeah, let's do that. It sounds great."

* * *

The next day Blair went out to lunch with Serena and then headed over to the Empire to pick up the novel she had begun reading a few days earlier. She was surprised to find Chuck at home in the middle of the day, stretched out on the bed with his laptop.

"Hey Chuck" she said when she walked into the bedroom.

"Mmm, hey" he mumbled without looking up.

"Having a good day?"

"Mmm…"

As if someone had flipped a switch she suddenly became very angry. The least Chuck could do was look at her and make some acknowledgement that he was glad to see her. Ever since she told him she was pregnant he had been acting uninterested or upset and she was very tired of it. Who the hell was he to act like that when she was pregnant with his child?

In a fit of anger she began to seriously consider staying away from the Empire, and from him, until he came crawling. This was not just _her_ baby, it was _their_ baby, but if he didn't want any part of it then to hell with him.

She strode over to her nightstand and picked up her book before stomping angrily back towards the door.

"Leaving already?" he asked without looking up from his laptop.

"Yes, already… Or three weeks later than I should have, depending on how you look at it."

Finally he looked up, completely dumbfounded.

"What?"

"I just came to get my book" she snarled. "Now that I've got it I'm going back _home_."

"I haven't seen you all day, why don't you stay for a while?" he asked, returning his attention to the computer.

"Oh don't bother" Blair said. "I'm going back home to Dorota, where at least _one_ other person will think about my baby without cringing."

"Don't be dramatic" he said. "Come over here."

"In your dreams Bass. Face it, you don't even care that I'm here right now so why should I stay longer?"

"I do care."

"No, you're busy with your computer. Surfing for porn no doubt."

"Well there are some naked bodies, but none of it is pornographic" he said. "I'm looking at a website about the latest theories in how much people other than the mother can affect an unborn child."

"Huh?"

"Like for example is the baby aware of someone besides the mother touching the belly? I'm curious as to how aware the baby might be to the things around him or her."

Blair took two slow steps closer to the bed.

"You're reading up on pregnancy?"

Chuck nodded. He had sat down about an hour earlier, determined to start getting invested in his unborn child. Even if he wasn't emotionally invested at this point that didn't mean he couldn't get involved in whatever other way was possible. He knew that if he made an effort to care about the pregnancy it would make Blair happy, and he hoped that by doing something actively rather than just trying to ignore what was happening he might start to come around.

Blair sat down on the edge of the bed, anger slowly subsiding.

"By the way I found a message board for teenagers about to become parents" he said. "I know you won't be a teenager anymore when the baby arrives but I bookmarked it anyway, in case you want to join."

Blair's anger rose again. If _she_ wanted to join? What about _him_?

"You know what Chuck?" she said, getting up again. "I should get going. Glad to see you've finally woken up from your baby catatonia."

"Wait" he said.

She stopped, but gave him a tired look. He looked at her nervously. Obviously she was start to run out of patience with him, and this halfhearted attempt to get involved in what was happening wasn't helping his case much. He really didn't want her to leave.

"Come lie down for a second" he said.

"God Chuck, use your left hand" Blair snarled.

"No, I want to try something. Something non-sexual. Come here. Just give me five minutes, and then you can storm off, okay?"

Reluctantly she gave in and got up on the bed. She propped up a couple of pillows behind her head and kept her knees bent, hands resting gently on her stomach. Chuck put the laptop on his nightstand and then scooted down until his face was in level with her belly. He leaned his head against his left hand and softly caressed her thigh.

"You now have about three and a half minutes" Blair said.

"According to the site I was visiting, babies can hear quite a lot on there, at least once their ears have developed properly. I don't know if that has happened yet, but I figured I'd try to hand out some words of wisdom to it."

"Too bad you have none" Blair griped.

"Oh I have plenty of wisdom" he said.

He then turned his attention to her stomach, lifting up her sweater and feeling slightly spooked when he saw the bump. It always seemed to have that affect on him, spooking him slightly even though he actually liked seeing her with some extra weight. He enjoyed the visual, but the knowledge of what was actually hiding inside her belly was unsettling.

He looked up at her again, meeting her not too friendly eyes.

"You know you look amazing, right?" he said.

"Oh sure I do" she said sullenly. "Fatter by the day."

"You're not fat" he smiled. "You're having a baby. But for the record, the extra weight really looks good on you, even the weight you don't carry on your stomach."

Her jaw dropped. He instantly realized his mistake. All he meant was that she looked adorable to him with her fuller face and figure, but clearly he hadn't phrased it properly. In all likelihood she didn't want to hear she had a fuller face at all, whether it made her look more beautiful or not.

"Get off me Bass" she snarled, smacking his hand away from her thigh and attempting to sit up.

"I'm sorry" he said, gently pushing her back down. "I'm talking about your breasts. They look fabulous."

"Oh, so you don't like my normal size?"

"Blair… Please, I only meant to say that I think pregnancy suits you. I have never seen you look better."

"Liar" she said, but stopped fidgeting.

"I never lie about your appearance" Chuck said. "I wouldn't dare to, knowing it would most likely come back to bite me in the ass. I really mean it, all issues with parenthood aside, you look fantastic."

"Just have your little conversation with my stomach so that I can get out of here" Blair said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Chuck turned his attention back to her stomach and tried to think of something to say. He felt incredibly ridiculous talking to his girlfriend's _belly_, unless it was dirty talk uttered while he was making his way down her body. He wasn't sure the baby could hear him at this point, and even if it could he didn't see the point in talking to it. It's not like it would remember it later on, even though some people thought unborn babies were able to recognize voices.

"Here's one important thing to know" he finally said to the baby bump. "In case you are a boy, or a lesbian. When talking to your girlfriend about her appearance it's imperative to choose your words wisely because if a statement can be interpreted in two ways and one of them is insulting, she _will_ interpret it that way."

"Chuck you're really getting on my nerves" Blair sighed.

"I'm Chuck, but you probably already know that" Chuck continued. "If nothing else you heard your mother moan it a couple of nights ago."

Blair smacked him on the head.

"You will probably not know me by that name though" Chuck went on. "Just like you won't know your mother by the name Blair. And the two elderly people who will be wanting to kill me will probably be known to you as Grandma and Grandpa."

"Don't turn the baby against my parents!"

"Basically we are the first four people you will get to know" Chuck said. "And Dorota, of course, and your pseudo-grandmother Lily. If you don't know what the word 'pseudo' means then don't feel bad, because neither does your Aunt Serena. She'll be easy to spot. The blonde girl who's never heard of dressing in something that wouldn't qualify as slutty."

"Chuck!"

"And there's Nate, who I guess will be an honorary uncle of sorts. Him and Serena will be wonderful assets to you up until the age of six, when you are likely to be smarter than they are. But until then I'm sure it will be reassuring to you to know you're not the only one who can't follow every conversation."

Blair rolled her eyes. Right now it seemed like her most important job as a mother would be to prevent the baby from being corrupted by its father.

"Chuck…" she said gently. "You don't have to do this."

"What? Talk to your belly?"

"Exactly. You think it's kind of dumb, don't you?"

"A little" he confessed. "I'm not sure the baby can hear me in there, and if it can't then… well I'm not used to striking up conversation with random parts of your body."

"I thought you said that website said babies can hear things inside the womb."

"Yeah, but I mean, babies don't speak English. And what do you say in a conversation with someone whose entire world consists of your stomach? What is it like in there anyway, can the baby see like your internal organs?"

"Gross" Blair grimaced.

"I obviously suck at this" he sighed and moved up to lie next to her. "Blair what if I turn out to be a horrible dad?"

"Everybody thought you'd make a horrible boyfriend, yourself included" Blair said. "And you've been an _amazing_ boyfriend. You'll be just as great as a father."

"Maybe I was a good boyfriend, for about ten months" Chuck said. "Then I became the worst boyfriend ever. So thank you, but that allusion worked about as well as saying you want to have a love affair like Romeo and Juliet's."

"Relax Bass, you will be fine" Blair said, deeply wishing her statement would turn out to be true. "Don't you think I worry about being a terrible mother? Doesn't everybody worry they'll make rotten parents?"

"Everybody isn't as screwed up as we are" Chuck pointed out.

"I've got to believe that between the two of us and Dorota we will be able to make at least _one_ good parent."

"You will be a great mom" he said. "You're already fighting for your child against everyone who thinks this is some sort of tragedy."

"And you will be a great dad."

He kissed her cheek and wrapped an arm around her. He couldn't make her understand how horribly frightened he was. He was afraid of a million different things. Afraid he wouldn't be able to be a good partner to her, afraid he wouldn't be able to be a good parent. The mere thought of his child in his or her mid-teens feeling the same kind of hurt and resentment towards him as Chuck had done towards Bart was enough to keep him up at night. One thing he had taken with him from his father's parenting was the conviction that people should not have children until they are ready to be good parents.

He glanced down at Blair's stomach. Blair was the person he loved the most and he had hurt her more than anyone else. God only knew what kind of damage he would be able to do to his poor child.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Have a great day!


	6. Chapter 6

First of all, thanks again to my reviewers! You guys are awesome, whether you are positive or critical, and I'm really grateful to you for taking the time to comment.

People seem to be getting more positive to Chuck, which is nice. Hopefully I won't screw that up lol.

Hope you'll like this chapter!

* * *

Blair flinched slightly when Dr. Saunders squirted the jelly onto her stomach. She doubted she would ever get used to the cold, icky sensation.

Chuck sat patiently next to her, not too happy about being back in a hospital, but Blair had insisted to continue going to Dr. Saunders and since she was the actual patient he had decided not to argue.

Blair was surprised that he had given in so easily. She had expected him to try and convince her to find someone else, or at least get Dr. Saunders to come to them so that they wouldn't have to set foot in a hospital. But what had surprised her more was that he hadn't shown any inclinations to letting her go to her ultrasound appointments alone. She would be going in for checkups on a regular basis and so far he hadn't accompanied her to those, but when it came time for another ultrasound he had rearranged his schedule like it was the most natural thing in the world. He wanted to show her that he wanted to be a part of what was going on, and it made her a bit more at ease.

"Your fetus is now roughly nineteen weeks old" Dr. Saunders reminded them as she placed the wand on Blair's belly.

Blair nodded, waiting impatiently while Dr. Saunders took a first look on her own before turning the monitor so that the expecting parents could see.

"As you can see, your baby is roughly eight inches" Dr. Saunders said.

"Wow…" Chuck breathed, and leaned in closer. "You can see it much clearer now than last time."

"Last time he or she was lying in an angle which made it harder to see anything for the untrained eye."

Chuck was stunned by the sight. This actually looked like a little person, and not like a shapeless blob. It was the scariest moment yet, but also kind of amazing.

"Look at her" Blair said with awe. "Or him."

"At this age he or she has eyebrows and eyelashes" the doctor told them.

"You can actually see the fingers" Chuck commented. "I mean, I knew they were there, but last time…"

"The fingers and toes have nails on them now."

"I read that in the pregnancy book" Blair said, feeling herself about to well up at the sight of the baby.

"Is there any way you can tell from looking at this whether or not it has the proper _amount_ of fingers and toes?" Chuck asked. "If this baby comes out with too many of anything, or too little, it's going to visit the plastic surgeon at an even younger age than its mother did."

Blair gave him a playful smack on the arm. Dr. Saunders rolled her eyes, still not very fond of the expecting father.

"All we can tell is if there are any serious anomalies."

"Having twenty-five fingers and toes doesn't seem serious to you?" Chuck asked.

"Some things can be detected on the sonogram while others require testing the amniotic fluid" Dr. Saunders continued. "However doing that is not necessary. At your age and with your health, and with how great everything has looked so far, we'll settle for the sonogram."

"It's moving around…" Blair noted.

"Have you felt any of its movements yet?" Dr. Saunders asked.

"No, none."

"You should expect it within a week or two."

"It kind of has a big head" Chuck noted, studying the sonogram carefully.

"Ah, guess we know who he or she takes after then" Blair replied.

Chuck laughed a little. Dr. Saunders pressed a button and got a print-out picture of the baby which she handed to Blair before shutting off the machine.

"Aw, look at it" Blair said. "I love it. Where should we put this up?"

"Most people put it on the refrigerator" Dr. Saunders said, handing Blair some paper to wipe her belly clean of the jelly.

"Our refrigerator is mainly just decorative" Chuck said. "That's what happens when you don't have to pay for room-service."

"You are eating proper food, aren't you?" Dr. Saunders asked Blair with a frown.

"Yes" Blair said. "The chef at the hotel makes my meals exclusively, and the chef at my mother's is very meticulous with my diet."

She handed the sonogram picture to Chuck while she got up and went to change into her regular clothes. Chuck walked over to the chairs by Dr. Saunders' desk and sat down. The doctor was busy typing on her computer and his eyes wandered slowly around the room. There were pictures of fetuses at various stages, and a number of medical drawings showing what was basically going on inside the body. His eyes fell on one in particular, showing a woman at the very end of pregnancy.

He winced and turned away. That baby in the drawing looked huge, and it freaked him out to see it facing downward, aligning itself to be born. He hadn't given any thought yet to the actual birth of the baby but he hoped to God Blair would demand a c-section. He had a feeling he wouldn't do so well supporting her through a long, drawn-out delivery unless she was drugged up worse than he had been during their breakup. Childbirth had always scared him a little, after what may have happened to his own mother.

His eyes were drawn back to the picture, almost like the way your eyes were drawn to the scene of an accident. He couldn't stop looking at it. If he didn't turn his eyes away again soon he would probably start seeing it in his nightmares.

Blair came back out and saw what he was looking at. She took a seat next to him and casually took the photo still in his hand and put it away in her purse.

"Doesn't that look really neat?" she said.

He turned and stared at her.

"It looks like something is about to hurt a whole lot" he said.

"I think it looks really cool."

He tried to think of something to say to that but fell short. Once again she had surprised him with her calm and collected attitude. The mere thought of childbirth freaked _him_ out, and he wasn't the one who would have to actually do it.

"Hey maybe we should get someone to film the whole birth for us?" she suddenly said.

"Ew, no!" Chuck objected. "Nobody wants to see that! Although I suppose if the baby is a girl we could show it to her future dates to scare them off."

"Do you have any further questions?" Dr. Saunders asked, looking up from her computer screen.

"No, I think we're both good" Blair said.

"Alright. I will see you again in two weeks, Miss Waldorf."

"Alright. Thank you doctor."

Chuck got up and put his jacket on while Blair opened her purse to take another glance at the sonogram picture. He grabbed her coat and helped her put it on once she had stood up. They said goodbye to Dr. Saunders and headed off to have lunch.

This time they left the hospital through the front doors. By now the news had hit Gossip Girl and there was no point in trying to sneak around anymore. It wasn't just Gossip Girl who posted about it now, the upcoming birth of a new heir to the Bass empire had made the news in some papers as well.

Blair had had every paper sent to her that included some mention of herself and Chuck. Much to her disappointment not a single one had sounded very positive. Nearly every single reporter writing about it seemed to be convinced that the baby would soon end up with two households and parents who no longer were a couple.

"Since we both have the rest of the day off…" Chuck began. "I was thinking we could walk home. We could feed the ducks at the park."

"That sounds good" Blair nodded. "But how about we have lunch, they take a break for a while, and _then_ go out for that walk?"

"That would take away the whole point of walking home, but sure."

"Maybe we can walk home next year, when you can carry him or her around."

Chuck smirked. She hadn't gained that much weight but whenever she didn't want to walk someplace she used the weight of the baby as her excuse.

"So whereto for lunch?" he asked. "What are the cravings saying?"

"Hm, they're saying… Lunch in bed at the Empire while you rub my feet and Barbra Streisand sings soothing tones on the stereo."

"First restaurant that crosses our path it is."

* * *

Serena almost did a double take when she came back from her vacation in Mexico and saw Blair for the first time since she had found out her best friend was pregnant. It had only been two weeks but the change was incredible.

Even though Blair was sitting down on the divan at her mother's penthouse the baby bump was clearly visible. In fact, it was impossible not to notice it, since Blair was wearing a sweater that clung to every curve, the bump especially.

Serena couldn't believe that Blair's pregnancy hadn't been visible two weeks prior and now it was obvious she was five months into her pregnancy. Her whole body seemed to have changed, and it only took one look at Blair's face to notice that her cheeks were fuller and rosier than before.

Blair hadn't looked up yet from the catalogue she was reading and Serena harked to make her presence known. Surprised, Blair looked up. She smiled when she saw Serena.

"S! Welcome home. How was Mexico?"

"Hot" Serena said and walked over, putting her purse down by the divan. "How was… everything with you while I was away?"

"Serena I have to show you something" Blair said and reached for her purse sitting on the table.

Serena took a seat next to Blair and tried not to stare at the bump. For a moment she wondered if it was even real or if Blair had stuffed a pillow in there to more properly look the part.

"Chuck and I had a sonogram a few days ago" Blair said and found what she was looking for. "You have to take a look at this. This is your niece or nephew!"

With an excited smile she handed the sonogram picture over to Serena, who took it and tried to be amazed by what she saw.

"Wow B…" she said, unable to figure out anything better to say.

She tried looking at the picture from a few different angles, but she had never been able to see much on sonogram pictures. There was something with a large head and what looked like arms and legs, but to Serena it mostly resembled the shapes a couple of eggs made in a frying pan.

She handed the picture back to Blair, who was clearly very proud of it. She put it back in her purse and then rested a hand on her stomach.

"So everything is… going well?" Serena asked.

"Everything is perfect. Now seriously, how amazing was that picture?"

"It was…"

Serena fumbled, trying to find the right words. Before she could think of anything Blair continued to talk, which was just as well since that way she might not notice Serena's inability to find something positive to say.

"The baby has fingernails and eyelashes and everything!" she said.

"How about that. Everything it would need to get a makeover at a spa. Aside from hair. Blair you look… much bigger than I thought you would be."

"Well I've got an eight inch person inside this tummy so of course it's going to be big. Which reminds me, I want you to come shopping for maternity wear with me."

"Eight inches?" Serena echoed and cast a skeptical glance at the bump.

"Uh-huh. Now like I said, shopping spree!"

"How can it have grown that much in the two weeks that have gone by since I saw you last?" Serena asked.

"It's not like it was one millimeter big two weeks ago and had a massive growth spurt" Blair pointed out dryly. "Now forget about inches for a second, unless we're talking the ones added to my waistline, which I guess we kind of were but no matter. I've already outgrown the stuff I bought last week and I need to go shopping, what do you say?"

"Maybe you should take Dorota" Serena suggested. "I… I'm not really in the mood for a shopping trip."

"Not in the mood? Serena we are _always_ in the mood for shopping."

Serena tried to think of a way to get out of having to come along without revealing her true reason for wanting to pass. While she loved shopping she didn't think it was particularly fun unless there was something in it for her, and shopping at the maternity section would probably just be boring.

"You know, I just got back from Mexico and I'm feeling a bit tired" she said. "We can go out shopping on Thursday. I need to buy a new dress for this party that I'm going to on Friday. It's the release party for the new book by some author who is apparently all the rage."

Blair rolled her eyes. Serena hardly ever read anything that would qualify as fiction and could never keep track of the names of authors. Blair knew exactly what party she was referring to and couldn't believe Serena's extraordinary ability for forgetting names of people who weren't in fashion or movies.

"Speaking of which, you and Chuck will be there won't you?" Serena asked. "We haven't all been out together in ages."

Blair shot her what could only be described as a condescending smile.

"Serena. Running around on release parties for authors whose name you haven't even bothered memorizing is a perfectly good way to spend a Friday evening when you're young and lacking the burdens of real responsibility. Chuck and I… Well, we have put childhood and our crazy teens behind us."

"Because nobody goes to release parties once they're past childhood? I think you must have gotten that backwards."

"I'm sure you will have a great time S, but we will be sitting this one out."

"So you're saying I'm still a child and the two of you have magically transformed into adults because you didn't practice safe enough sex?"

"I'm simply saying that Chuck and I have better things to do now" Blair said, and shrugged a shoulder with a smile.

"Oh really?" Serena scoffed. "Like what, sit at home and watch your belly grow?"

"Poor Serena" Blair said with a peaceful smile. "You have no idea what it's like to experience the grandest thing a person can experience."

Serena rolled her eyes. Blair was quickly starting to get on her nerves.

"B, there's no reason why you can't go to a party just because you're in the condition you are in."

"I know, but shallow, pointless parties hardly seem worth my time anymore."

"You've always loved shallow, pointless parties."

"My life is changing Serena" Blair smiled. "Someday I hope you will find out what it means to find a real purpose in your life."

"Not to take away from your grand experience or anything, but you said the exact same thing to me when I complained about hardly ever seeing you since you started dating Chuck."

"Did I? I don't recall."

"You also said something similar when you first read '_Gone with the Wind_' and got hooked, when you joined that charity group in freshman year and when you joined the chess club at NYU."

"All of it merely serves to prove my point now" Blair said with a serene smile. "You think you know what matters in life but when you find yourself with child you realize… none of all that really matters."

"Not to burst your bubble of life purpose, but you've only known about this pregnancy for a month."

"The most fulfilling four weeks of my life."

Serena gave up. With a sigh she got up and grabbed her handbag.

"I should get going. I have a hair appointment."

"Okay" Blair chirped. "Call me Thursday and we'll go on that shopping trip."

"Sure…"

Serena walked towards the elevator and stopped to take one more look at her best friend. Blair had picked up the catalogue again and was looking through it with a peaceful smile on her face. She seemed to be embracing this whole pregnancy thing completely, which in itself was no surprise. Blair had always been the type to do things one hundred percent or not at all.

The elevator came and Serena stepped inside, feeling a bit disappointed. She had been looking forward to seeing Blair and telling her all about her trip to Mexico. Not that she didn't think Blair would listen, but it was hard dishing out the details of her little vacation when the person she was talking to was constantly caressing a swelling baby bump. Whether unintentionally or not, Blair now made her feel like her own life was empty.

Which was a crazy thought in itself. Serena was unbelievably glad that she was not in Blair's shoes. The mere thought of winding up pregnant was enough to make her swear to herself to make her sex partners wear double condoms. She didn't think Blair's situation was much improved because she was in a relationship with the father. She had seen Chuck at brunch this morning and he had answered very shortly and with complete lack of enthusiasm to all her questions about the progression of the pregnancy.

Sending a silent prayer to the heavens above she stepped out on the street, thankful that she wasn't going to become a mother in 2011.

* * *

Nate grinned as the pool ball he had been aiming at smoothly rolled towards the right pocket and went down. He raised a triumphant eyebrow at Chuck who looked sullen. All this time playing pool by himself had started to pay off for Nate. He beat Chuck almost every time they played these days.

"Don't look so ecstatic Nathaniel" Chuck said. "You haven't beaten me yet."

"It's only a matter of time, as we both know."

"Please…"

With a smirk Nate elegantly sent the next pool ball straight into the pocket right in front of Chuck. Chuck rolled his eyes but said nothing.

"See Chuck, that is how you do it" Nate said.

"All you're really doing is the groundwork" Chuck argued.

Nate chuckled. This game was clearly going to turn out in his favor, as usual, and they both knew it.

His eyes fell on the glass wall behind Chuck, through which Blair could be seen sitting on the bed with a book.

"Hey man, what is she even doing here?" Nate asked.

"Blair?"

"Yeah, I mean… You're out here playing pool with me and she's in there reading a book. Why isn't she reading it at her place?"

"This arrangement saves time" Chuck explained, talking to Nate like he were three years old. "See I was with her before you and I started up this round of pool fifteen minutes ago, and after we're done she and I are going to go have dinner at Gramercy Tavern. Having her dart back to her mother's penthouse only to be picked up by me again after an hour seems a bit redundant, wouldn't you agree?"

Nate shrugged a shoulder. He had very little idea what was really going on between Chuck and Blair these days. His friendship with Chuck had been strained in the past six months, their game of pool right now was an unusual hanging-out moment. Aside from the occasional meal and one or two excursions to go out and buy something or other they hadn't spent much time at all alone together since spring.

Nate had a strong feeling the relationship was about to get more strained. Chuck had barely said a word to him about Blair's condition, aside from telling him flat out what was going on one morning when they were eating breakfast. Nate had a strong suspicion that after the holidays he would be politely asked to move out and find some other place to stay. And under current circumstances he wouldn't mind too much. He couldn't imagine still living there when Blair came home with a baby.

Suddenly Blair's voice cut through the penthouse.

"Chuck!"

The two guys looked at each other. Chuck's cue stick fell to the ground as he ran to the bedroom and flung the doors open, Nate in tow.

Blair greeted them with an eager smile which caused both of them to stop in their tracks. When she had screamed they had both feared something terrible had happened but she looked excited.

"Blair what is it?" Chuck asked.

"The baby just kicked! Come here, you have to feel this."

"Geez Blair" Nate groaned. "You scared us half to death."

"Didn't you hear me Chuck?" Blair beamed. "The baby kicked. I can feel the baby kicking now! How exciting is that?"

"I'll be in the minibar, calming my nerves with something suitably strong" Nate announced and walked off.

Chuck slowly walked over and took a seat on the edge of the bed next to where Blair was lying. She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. He couldn't feel anything.

"Just hang on for a second…" Blair said.

He waited but nothing happened. He wondered how long he would have to sit there before he could leave without angering Blair.

"That's so weird, it was just kicking" Blair insisted.

"It's still early" Chuck said gently. "It kicked for the first time in five months. No reason to think it's going to be kicking again right this minute."

"Just wait one more minute."

Obediently he waited but nothing seemed to be happening. Blair sighed and looked dejected. She had really wanted to share this with him, hoping it would make him excited about their situation.

"Blair…" he said gently. "I don't think it's going to kick anymore right now."

"I really wanted you to feel it…" she said sadly.

"And I will. Remember what Dr. Saunders told you, and what you read in all those books. It's going to be kicking around the clock in a few months' time."

She bit her bottom lip but nodded. He could see her disappointment but there wasn't anything he could do about it. He leaned in and softly kissed her lips.

"Hey…" he said. "I love you."

She nodded.

"Yeah, likewise."

"Good."

Nate appeared in a doorway, holding a glass of scotch, which he only drank on rare occasions. He leaned against the doorframe and watched the two people on the bed. Every time his eyes landed on Blair's stomach he couldn't believe it.

"So can a guy come over and feel the roundhouse kick of little Bass?" he asked.

"Sorry, show's over" Blair sighed. "Junior isn't cooperative at the moment."

Chuck leaned in and kissed her again before getting up.

"Nathaniel what do you say we finish our game? Blair and I have to leave in thirty minutes or we'll miss our reservations."

Nate nodded and returned to the pool table. Chuck shot Blair half a smile which she didn't bother reciprocating. As soon as he had left the room and closed the door behind him the baby kicked again.

"Oh now you're just being obnoxious" she said.

* * *

"Let's just get this over with" Serena sighed and pressed the elevator button.

She was with Nate, alone with him for the first time in a few months, and not too happy about it. She knew he was hoping they would get back together but the last thing Serena wanted right now was a new relationship. Or a retry of an old one.

During summer she had realized that she had just spent an entire year attempting to find herself but she hadn't actually done anything to achieve that goal. Instead she had thrown herself into one relationship after another, avoiding having to find herself by keeping herself busy with somebody else. In hindsight she wasn't even sure what she had felt for the men she had dated in the past year had been for real. It had all been escapism.

Nate of course refused to understand something like that. And perhaps he was right, perhaps their relationship had been something real. But if that were the case then it was even more crucial she took time to herself to really find herself. Otherwise she would never be able to be in a successful relationship with him.

Unfortunately she had realized in the midst of her mission of self discovery that she had left behind a journal at Nate's. She didn't have any profound secrets or meaningful insights written in there; her attempts at chronicling her days had never gone further than reporting what she had worn, eaten and one or two key incidents that had happened during the day. Long, analytic essays each day had never been her style.

Still the journal might help her gain some insight as to what she had really been thinking during the past year. Which was why she needed it, and she wanted to come get it on her own. She had planned on just stopping by randomly in the hopes that Chuck was home and Nate wasn't, but she had run into Nate down in the lobby and now he insisted on coming with her to look for it.

"Nate I know where I put it, I don't need you to hold my hand" she sighed as the elevator went up.

"It's in my room. I'm not letting you search through my room unattended."

"I just said I know where it is. Hence I don't need to search through anything."

He shrugged a shoulder and she rolled her eyes. This was ridiculous.

The elevator doors open and they stepped inside the penthouse, both stopping in their tracks almost immediately.

Several pieces of furniture had been moved, every available surface was covered with the items that usually resided in the bookcase and white curtains had been put up by the windows. Blair was up on a chair, dusting the bookcase carefully, clad in expensive-looking black overalls and a white turtleneck. Her hair was up in a stylish bun and she was moving quickly yet meticulously while humming to herself.

Chuck sat on the couch with his feet up, seemingly ignoring Blair while reading a newspaper. He looked up when Nate and Serena arrived and turned to his girlfriend.

"Blair, Serena's here and I'm betting it's not to see Nate or me."

"Hi!" Blair chirped and waved to the two who had just arrived.

"God help us all she's gone insane" Serena gasped.

"What are you doing up on that chair?" Nate asked, walking over to her. "Are you out of your mind? You could slip and fall. Chuck I can't believe you allow this."

"Why would she fall?" Chuck retorted. "Have you tried getting her down from there? Not easy. Better to just leave her and let her finish dusting."

"I wasn't aware anything _needed_ dusting" Nate shot back. "Blair, seriously, come down from there."

"Just a minute, I'm not done yet" Blair said, waving her hand at him dismissively.

"What are you even _doing_?" Serena asked. "And seriously, what's with the curtains?"

"Yeah, and the moving around of furniture?" Nate added. "Please tell me that wasn't you, Blair."

"No that dubious honor went to the two guys from security she managed to charm into slave laboring" Chuck said, returning his attention to the paper in his hands.

"And the dusting?" Serena continued, walking over to the bookcase. "Blair I have never known you to dust anything, _ever_."

"Seriously, what _is_ all this?" Nate asked.

"I believe she is nesting" Chuck said.

"I might be" Blair said and shrugged a shoulder. "But this place is a pigsty and if we brought the baby home here it would probably die from an overdose of dust."

"Okay, but the baby isn't due for another four months" Serena pointed out.

"That doesn't mean I can't get a jump on things."

"You have just completely zoned out, haven't you?" Nate said to Chuck. "She's clearly gone insane and you're sitting there like you have no care in the world."

"What's it to me if she does some dusting?" Chuck asked.

"And you're also fine with the redecorating?" Nate asked, leaving Blair's side to walk over to his friend.

"Listen B, I understand you're going through some hormonal craze that makes you want to keep things tidy around you" Serena said, trying to reason with her. "But why are you doing the dusting yourself? Call housekeeping."

"No it's alright, I don't mind doing it myself" Blair said.

"We're not going to keep the furniture as it is right now, are we?" Nate asked Chuck in a low voice.

"Look I really don't care" Chuck said, still trying to read his paper. "If it makes her happy then what's the harm?"

"The harm is that she doesn't even live here" Nate pointed out, nervously glancing over at Blair. "We do."

"B, please, come down from there" he heard Serena say. Luckily she seemed to be keeping Blair distracted so that she wouldn't overhear Nate.

"I get that's she's your girlfriend and your baby mama and all that, but she can't just rearrange our home without my approval" Nate continued as hushed as possible.

"If you want to move everything back in its previous place then go right ahead" Chuck shrugged.

"You know as well as I do that she will eat me alive if I do. She's completely hormonal!"

"She is not."

"I won't take any chances, she can be scary enough when she's not hormonal. I need you to back me up."

"And say what to her exactly?"

"Tell her to go nest at her mother's place. Leave my home alone."

Chuck sighed and rubbed his temples. He didn't see what the big deal was. Sure the curtains were kind of ugly, but he expected Blair to realize that herself within an hour or two and get rid of them. And she probably wasn't done moving furniture around either. He couldn't very well tell her to go nest elsewhere since she spent more time at the Empire these days than she did at the Waldorf penthouse.

"Chuck, I need your help here!" Serena cried from her spot by the bookcase.

"What the two of you need to do is just relax" Chuck said, tossing the paper aside since he obviously wasn't going to get to read it right now anyway.

"I will relax one she's down from this chair" Serena argued.

"She's not going to fall."

"You'd bet your baby's life on that?"

"If I thought there was any danger I would remove all chairs in the hotel before I'd let her climb up on one" Chuck replied.

"Would you just give it a rest?" Blair snarled. "Serena stop acting like I'm a four year old balancing on a ladder."

"No, you're a pregnant woman balancing on a chair."

"My balance is perfect. Years of walking around in heels have assured that."

"Yes but now you're carrying an extra six pounds on your front. Get down from there and do it _now_."

"Stop treating me like I've gone insane."

"But you _have_ gone insane."

"No I haven't."

"Blair look at yourself, you're wearing _overalls_!" Serena cried.

"They're maternal" Blair shot back. "And they're Versace."

"Yes but you hate pants to begin with."

"Serena just leave her alone before you actually cause her to fall thanks to sheer distraction" Chuck said.

"You know what, I've seen enough of this" Nate said.

He strode over to Blair, grabbed a firm hold of her and lifted her down to the ground. Blair shrieked loudly when she felt herself being lifted from the chair and Chuck flew to his feet in a hurry.

"Nathaniel get your hands off her!"

"You should be thanking me" Nate said, setting Blair down on firm ground.

"Nate!" Blair snarled and gave him a hard smack on the arm. "Have you lost your mind? You could have dropped me."

"No more chairs for you" Nate shot back.

"I wasn't done dusting up there."

"Too bad."

"Get out of my way Archibald."

"Are you going to help me with this?" Nate asked Chuck.

Chuck strode over and put an arm protectively around Blair from behind, shooting Nate a death glare.

"I will not have you grab her like that and risk making her fall" he snarled. "She was standing steadily on that chair and if she would have fallen it would have been your fault."

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Nate asked. "Or are you on some Freudian level hoping she will fall and make this baby business go away?"

Three jaws collectively dropped. Nate realized what he had just said and held up his hands disarmingly.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"You better not" Chuck said icily.

"Okay, before this gets out of hand…" Serena said in an attempt to defuse the situation. "Blair, why don't we go out and rent a romcom and we can watch it and eat lots of ice-cream and blubber?"

"Thanks S, but I'm not done dusting" Blair said, glaring at Nate.

"Say what you want but I'm not letting you back up on that chair" Nate persisted. "You can dust the areas you can reach from the ground."

"Nathaniel do you honestly think I would let her be up on that thing if I thought for one second it wasn't safe?" Chuck asked.

"Nevertheless, I won't let her up on it."

Blair groaned and rolled her eyes. She leaned back against Chuck, whose arms were now wrapped around her, right underneath her chest. Her hands reached up and rested on his forearms.

"Fine. If you don't want me up on that thing Nate then you go up there yourself."

Nate hesitated.

"Call housekeeping?" he suggested.

"The slackers from housekeeping are the ones we have to blame for all that dust sitting up there to begin with" Blair argued.

"Fine. Then Serena will be happy to take over" Nate said, snatching the rag from Blair's hand and giving it to Serena. "I for one am going to go change into my running gear and then I'm off to the park."

Serena tried to protest but Nate was quickly off to his bedroom. She turned her eyes over to Blair and Chuck, who were both looking at her expectantly.

"This is so not in the best friend job description" she said and reluctantly got up on the chair to finish the dusting.

"And be meticulous!" Blair said.

Serena shot her a look but obediently continued where Blair had left off. Chuck placed a kiss just above Blair's ear and went back to finish reading his newspaper. Blair parked herself beside the chair Serena was standing on and placed her hands firmly on her hips.

"Once you're done with that, don't get down right away. We need to put everything back where it's supposed to be."

Serena moaned. Nate came back out, now dressed for his run, and she shot him a glare that was anything but friendly.

"Nate!" she said. "Don't think for a second that this doesn't work against you" she snarled.

"Have fun cleaning" he said, pressing the elevator button.

"What about my journal?"

"You can find it yourself, can't you?"

Serena growled and turned away from him. She ran the rag along the top of the bookshelf, taking her anger out on the dust on top of it.

* * *

Blair moaned when Chuck's lips found her earlobe. She leaned her head backwards and closed her eyes.

Nesting wasn't the only pregnancy side-effect that had appeared in the last couple of days. Blair was finally starting to get all kinds of cravings, she was starting to experience her moods changing more quickly and much to her annoyance her feet had started swelling. And, she was incredibly horny.

That last development had been much welcome by her boyfriend. After the first two awkward times they had had sex since the pregnancy became known to them things had been very good in the bedroom again. Blair had reluctantly given up on her wish to have him on top and once he didn't feel like he had to worry about crushing the baby with his weight most of his hang-ups had gone away.

Now they were in one of her new favorite positions. Both were on their knees on the bed, upper bodies kept upright, while Chuck buried his face in the crook of her neck. His hands moved around her body in eager caresses and she had nestled one hand in his hair.

His hands slowly crept down to her stomach and eventually landed on the bump. He kept them there and Blair grinned widely. This was the first time he had ever put his hands on the baby bump on his own, and he was keeping them there. It made her feel happy, excited and relieved but before she could form any coherent thoughts she felt a kick, as if the baby was protesting.

Chuck paused for a second, having felt it too. For a second she worried he might remove his hands from her belly but he just continued with his previous activity as if nothing had happened. He then chuckled.

"This kid is an attention whore" he breathed into her ear. "This is my time with Mommy. He or she should learn not to interrupt."

"Don't call the baby things like that" Blair meekly protested, sliding both her hands down to rest on top of his.

"Just saying, the kid is trying to steal your attention away from me."

"I'm sure it won't interrupt us again."

The baby kicked again, and Blair groaned. She could practically see Chuck grinning into her neck.

"You were saying?"

She couldn't help but laugh and he did too. She turned her head to find his lips and with a hungry kiss they ignored the movements of the baby and focused on their own.

Later that evening when they were spooning under the covers Blair felt Chuck's hand slide down her side to rest on her hip. She wondered if he would then move it down to her belly but he seemed happy with where it was. She turned to look at him and wondered what was going through his mind. He still wasn't excited about what was happening but at least he no longer seemed downright upset about it.

Was that enough? Could she be content with him having a lackluster approach to it all so long as he wasn't out-and-out objecting? She wished he would share her excitement, that they could look forward to the birth together.

"What's on your mind?" he asked.

"Nothing" she said and smiled slightly.

"You sure?"

She nodded.

"Okay then."

He kissed her and then closed his eyes to go to sleep. She turned her head back around and closed her eyes as well. Before long they were both asleep.

* * *

Hope that was entertaining. Since I haven't seen any episodes past **317** I don't know how things go between Nate and Serena (and do not wish to be spoiled) but as I stated at the start of the series, in this "universe" they're broken up. Mostly because they bore me together (sorry Serenate fans!) and they serve my purposes better apart in this particular story.

Reviews are love!


	7. Chapter 7

People seemed happy with seeing more of Nate and Serena. That's fortunate, since they will be featured a lot more from this point on =)

This will be the last chapter posted before Midsummer, at the least. I'm swamped at work right now and have little to no time to do my re-writes/adjustments for this story. Hope this chapter will be pleasing enough to suffice for the next couple of weeks.

* * *

"Don't you just love the holiday season?" Blair sighed happily as she and Serena made their way down Fifth Avenue. "All the music, all the lights, all the decorations, all the joyous spirits… And of course, all the gifts."

"It's only the first week of December" Serena pointed out.

"So? Holiday season starts with Thanksgiving. And we had a lot to be thankful for this year."

"Yeah. Unplanned pregnancy mid-college, who-hoo!"

Blair wrinkled her nose and shot Serena a look. Then she decided not to pay much attention to her best friend. She was in good spirits and planned to remain that way.

"B, I'm so glad you called and suggested we go out shopping" Serena said, deciding to change the subject. "I've barely seen you at all these past couple of months; we've both been so busy on our own ends."

"Nothing like a shopping trip to bring two best friends closer together" Blair smiled.

"It's so great to have a day out just the two of us, no talk of babies, no talk of college, no talk of what the hell I'm supposed to do with my life… Just two besties out spending some not entirely well earned money."

Blair giggled, then she turned serious.

"So you're no closer to figuring things out, huh?" she said.

"Nope."

"I think you just haven't found a purpose in your life yet" Blair said. "I mean, you don't seem to know what you want to do when you're all grown up and earning your own keep. Unless you plan on being a society wife; a nice trinket on some rich man's arm?"

"Hardly" Serena snorted. "Although that would save me several years at college, which I have to admit is alluring."

"I hope you'll be able to figure it out soon" Blair said. "Taking a year or two after high school to find where your true calling lies is only natural, but after a certain point a person has to find their goal and stop drifting around aimlessly."

"Have you found yours?"

"I know exactly what I'll be doing in the next twelve months" Blair said and motioned to her belly.

"No, I mean, what you want to do with your future."

"Finances" Blair said. "Something within the world of economics. I figure it's either that, a legal degree or a medical degree, since I'm too smart to settle for something lame, like being an art major."

"What's wrong with being an art major?"

"Nothing! It's just that some people are smart and others are artistic."

"You're saying artists can't be smart?"

"Hello, Serena, have you met your musician ex-stepfather? Spend an hour with Rufus and my point is proven."

Serena shook her head. It was good to know Blair wasn't mellowing.

"So you're going for either economics, legal or medical?"

"Those are my three best options" Blair nodded. "Legal, I don't know, it's not really my thing. Daddy's a lawyer and so is Cyrus, but aside from them lawyers annoy me. And medical is definitely off the table. I do _not_ want my Jimmy Choos defiled by blood and gore from a bunch of sick people. Ew!"

Serena giggled.

"So finances it is then" she concluded. "Basically you'll be doing what Chuck does, only with a college degree?"

"Business empires are not for me" Blair said. "It's the numbers that interest me, not so much the managing of the property you've bought. Besides, if both of us set out to create our own empires then nobody's going to have time for the kid."

"The numbers, huh? I see Audrey Hepburn is out and you're channeling Scarlett O'Hara more and more each day. You're not going to hire prison slaves to work for you, are you? Because I wouldn't put that past you."

Blair rolled her eyes.

"Serena must you immediately compare my life to a movie? I'm simply saying the numbers are what interest me, the managing of whiny employees, not so much."

"Why must I immediately compare your life to a movie? This question from the girl who's spent most of her life imagining she's in an Audrey Hepburn film?"

"That was before" Blair stated. "When I was a young drifter like your good self."

"A what?"

"Now that part of my life is behind me" Blair said, caressing her belly. "Fantasy time is over, I now live in reality."

"That's strange, because it seems to me you're deeper in fantasy land now than you've ever been before."

"That's just the happy glow of a pregnant woman" Blair smiled.

"You know what, can we talk about something else?" Serena sighed. "Like where we're going to start spending our money."

"I have the answer to that" Blair said.

She took Serena's hand and led her into one of Manhattan's finest stores for everything baby related. Serena gaped when she realized when they were and then felt incredibly sorry for herself. She had wanted an outing free of everything baby related but now it became obvious that this particular store was the only reason Blair had wanted to go shopping in the first place.

"I have a whole list of things to get" Blair said, fishing a list out from her handbag.

"B, seriously?"

"What S?"

"This is where we're spending our money today? This is our great day out shopping? A baby store?"

"I don't know about your money, but this is definitely where we will be spending mine" Blair said. "Don't worry S, we'll go to Bendel's when we're done."

"To shop for maternity dresses no doubt" Serena whined.

"No, but I do need some new bras. I've gained like a cup-size and a half."

"Wonderful" Serena sighed.

"Yes, Chuck seems to think so" Blair said and started looking around the store. "The first thing I want to get is one of those little thingies that play music for the baby."

"A radio?" Serena suggested.

"No it's a special kind of music player. You put it on your stomach and-"

"I get it. Is that actually necessary?"

"Studies show that babies that get to listen to classical music while still in the womb become smarter than other babies."

"Or at least snobbier."

"More elitist."

"Why don't you just pay someone to read Kafka to your belly?"

Blair rolled her eyes but didn't respond. Serena reluctantly followed her to the other end of the store where Blair soon found what she was looking for. This was the most boring shopping trip of Serena's entire life and when she saw the number of items on Blair's shopping list she thought she might need a very strong drink to get through it all.

"Why are you out buying all this stuff on your own?" she asked as Blair picked up a baby monitor and studied it carefully.

"I'm not. You are aware that you're here, right?"`

"Oh yes…" Serena sighed. "But why me and not the father?"

"Seriously S" Blair said, putting the baby monitor back on the shelf. "Is it so strange that I would want to bring my best friend for this? This is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me and it's going to change my life forever, whether it be for the better or not. I know you're skeptical of all this and I know I talk too much about what's going on with me sometimes, but would it kill you to at least be a little excited for me?"

"It's… it's not that, B" Serena backtracked, feeling a bit guilty over her lack of enthusiasm. "I just thought that this might be something you and Chuck would _want_ to do together?"

"No" Blair said and looked dejected. "You're not the only one who's unexcited; my dear baby daddy isn't exactly jumping for joy yet either."

"I'm sorry B…"

"No matter" Blair said, forcing a smile. "Everything will be fine. At least so long as we find everything that's on my list. We are not leaving this store Serena until we've found the perfect baby blankets, preferably cashmere."

"Is this part of the whole nesting thing?" Serena asked, smiling slightly as she followed Blair through the store.

"I'm just excited to be out buying all this stuff" Blair said with a soft smile, picking up a blanket.

"If you guys get one of those cribs you have to put together yourself then promise me you'll give me a call when it's assembling time" Serena said, picking up a blanket as well. "I wouldn't miss the sight of you and Chuck trying to put together a crib for all the couture in the world."

"Do-it-yourselves cribs are for commoners" Blair frowned.

"Can't you get one anyway? Just for my benefit? Seriously B, seeing the two of you at work with a crib would totally make my day! It can be your Christmas gift to me!"

"I already got you a scarf" Blair smirked. "What do you think of these blankets?"

"They're really nice and soft."

"Not soft enough. Seriously, is it so hard to find an expensive cashmere baby blanket in this city?"

"I guess so."

"If this is the kind of stuff they sell at these stores then I am so only going to buy what I necessarily have to here" Blair declared.

"Let me guess, rattles from Tiffany's?"

"Of course. We're not animals. Okay these blankets are clearly sup-par but you know what, that's okay. I'm thinking we should get monogrammed baby blankets. It's more personal that way."

Serena laughed and followed Blair as she continued her walk through the store.

Luckily for Serena it didn't take very long for Blair to be finished. She hadn't even gotten half of the things she had been out to buy, partially because she didn't like what the store was selling and partially because she started getting very hungry after twenty minutes.

With only one bag in Blair's hand they left the store to get lunch and then go spend Serena's money on clothes. Serena was practically skipping at the thought of lunch and then some actually fun shopping.

* * *

Over the course of the next few weeks Serena found herself getting more and more tired of Blair and all her baby talk. Not only had her best friend started to see herself as enlightened and mature, preaching to Serena in a slightly condescending matter, but it seemed to Serena like Blair was using the pregnancy to her advantage as much as possible.

She was beginning to lose count of the number of times their lunch plans had been completely controlled by Blair, who would claim some craving or other to get her way when they weren't in agreement over where to go for lunch. And whenever Blair didn't feel like going to an event, or meeting up, or doing anything at all she would blame it on the pregnancy and claim she needed her rest. It was getting very frustrating, and Serena didn't know how Chuck put up with it.

Blair did in fact use her condition as an excuse to get out of doing something she didn't feel like every once in a while, but it wasn't nearly as often as Serena thought. When she came into her sixth month she started feeling more tired, and tried taking it easy whenever she could. Dressing up to attend fancy dinners or events rarely seemed alluring to her at this point, especially since dressing up and putting on heels meant murder on her feet.

The situation with Chuck remained the same, neither getting better nor worse. The way his mindset stayed the same affected her more and more for each day that went by. They were now only a few weeks away from Christmas, and after Christmas came a new year, and the baby would arrive during the first quarter of that new year. She felt like time was starting to run out, and which each day that went by without him showing any real interest in his unborn child she grew more and more nervous.

He had only once put his hands on her belly on his own; it was always Blair who had to take his hand and put it where he could feel the baby moving. The feeling of a kick didn't seem to leave much of an impression on him.

So far everything they had gotten for the baby were things Blair had bought. Chuck hadn't come with her once when she went out to buy something, and he never asked to see what she had bought. She brought everything to her mother's penthouse and kept it there, figuring that's where she would be spending most of her time come March.

She spent roughly half her time at her mother's even now. Whenever she went to bed there she was alone, and many nights she had to wipe away the tears falling down her cheeks before she drifted off to sleep.

She told herself that she was just being hormonal, and certainly that was true. The sheer fact that she had watched "_Casper_" when it was on TV and bawled like a baby was proof of that. But she also knew some of her tears were well-founded.

* * *

Nate came home after a long and unusually boring day of lectures and threw himself down on the couch. He then frowned when he noticed he wasn't as comfortable as he wanted to be.

He shifted around and reached down his hand to find what he was looking for. Something he had been lying on, that didn't make for a very comfy mattress.

He held up the thing he had been lying on and groaned. It was one half of a baby monitor, and exactly what it was doing on the couch Nate had no idea.

"Chuck!" he roared.

Chuck came out from his bedroom.

"Yeah?"

"Why the hell is there a baby monitor on the couch?"

"Blair was testing it earlier."

"A baby monitor? Seriously? The baby's not coming for _months_. Who the hell buys this kind of stuff this far ahead?"

"Blair Waldorf" Chuck said, and hopped up and took a seat on the pool table.

"And why is she testing this crap here?"

"I guess she figured it would be easier to test it if someone was on the other end, making noise" Chuck said dryly.

"But why _here_? Can't she do it at her own place, with Dorota?"

"I think she's trying to make me a part of all that stuff she runs around doing."

"And it was impossible for you to stop by her mother's penthouse?"

"What is the big deal, Nathaniel?" Chuck asked, a bit amused by his friend's strong reaction to finding a simple baby monitor on the couch.

"The big deal is I'm sick of having _my_ home taken over by a crazy pregnant chick."

"It's also _my_ home, and I'm dating the crazy pregnant chick" Chuck reminded him.

"Then either move in with her permanently, preferably at her place, or tell her to leave her stuff elsewhere. And for the love of God make her stop moving furniture around and lay off with the obsessive cleaning. Last week I caught her scrubbing _my_ bathtub!"

"You have a bathtub? Why didn't I know that? And more importantly, why don't _I_ have a bathtub?"

"Chuck. Focus. Are you even listening to me?"

"Why does this bother you so much anyway?" Chuck asked. "So she cleans, where's the harm in that? And she rearranges stuff, big deal. She's been leaving stuff around here ever since I first moved in, since before _you_ were living here, so why is it all of a sudden a problem now?"

"The problem is that I don't want to have _my_ life and _my_ home rearranged just because you guys are having a kid you didn't even plan for."

"I don't see how it's going to be possible for this place _not_ to be affected" Chuck remarked. "Blair might be the one who's pregnant but the baby is coming to both of us."

"Yeah, and that's weird enough."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm happy for you guys, but it's a little weird that you've knocked up my ex" Nate said.

"Seriously? I thought we were past all of that."

"I thought so too, but that was before you got her pregnant. It's not something I think about all the time or anything, but I can't help but think it's odd seeing her in this condition thanks to _you_."

"Look, if it's that strange for you to see her carrying my child then that is something you will have to find a way to deal with" Chuck said. "You're not the only one who things it's strange, might I add. This has been a huge change for Blair and I."

"I know. That doesn't mean I should have to be stuck in the middle while the two of you try and play house."

"That's not what's going on here."

"Really? Then why is my home being taken over by my pregnant ex, and you just let her do whatever she pleases?"

"I can't believe a few pieces of furniture in different places and a baby monitor forgotten on the couch bugs you this much" Chuck said, getting annoyed.

"Well it does."

"Deal with it Nate."

"What's going to happen next year, when the baby comes?" Nate asked. "This place is going to be full of diapers and baby wipes and a kid screaming all night long?"

"Yes, I should assume that will be the case at least some of the time."

"Will I even still be welcome here?"

Chuck made a face.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Am I going to be kicked out?"

"I haven't kicked you out yet, have I?" Chuck said dryly.

"Maybe you should. If you're going to in March then why not at least give me a heads up now so I can start looking for somewhere else to stay?"

"I'm confused. Do you want to stay here or do you want to be evicted?"

"I want to stay. But I have a feeling I won't be able to."

"So that's what's really going on here" Chuck concluded. "You're assuming we'll be kicking you to the curb when we bring home an additional person. Why not just tell me that, why start yelling at me about Blair?"

"Actually it's two separate issues" Nate said, getting up and starting to pace back and forth in the room. "Both issues boil down to what really pisses me off the most."

"I'm all ears."

"All these changes are being made around me without nobody asking me what I think" Nate said. "I should have a say in what goes on around here, or at least be treated with enough respect that you _pretend_ to include me in these decisions. Or at least give me a heads up before I'm thrown out of here, or before Blair starts putting up new wallpaper in my bedroom. Either ask me to leave or respect the fact that this is my home too."

Chuck shook his head. If Nate really had that big a problem with Blair and her antics then he should be talking to her. And it hurt to think his best friend believed he would throw him out without a word of warning.

"Nathaniel did you ever stop to think that the reason why I haven't hinted that you should start looking for new digs is because I don't have any intention of asking you to leave?" he said calmly.

"And why is that? Because as long as I'm still here everything _sort of_ remains the same and you can keep pretending that you're not about to be a father?"

"All hail the status quo?"

"We both know that as soon as Blair moves in here full-time with the kid I will be moving out as soon as I can" Nate said. "You're just doing that guy thing where you avoid having a difficult conversation by dragging things out until the other person has had enough and takes the initiative."

"Are you female in that little allusion?"

"If you had any respect for me you'd at least address the issue with me before you move Blair in."

"Who says she's moving in here full-time?"

"She will be. Trust me, she will."

"Then keeping all the baby stuff at her mother's place is going to prove to be a big mistake" Chuck replied dryly.

"Except it's not all the baby stuff."

"Right, everything except for a stupid baby monitor."

"Maybe at first she will be at her mother's with the baby a day or two each week. That won't last long. She will come to spend the night here and then before you know it it's been six months and she hasn't spent a night at her mother's in all that time."

"Okay, say that is what happens…" Chuck said. "Whether or not you decide to stay here will be entirely up to you."

"Until you guys decide you want your family bonding time to yourselves" Nate argued. "Which I expect will be roughly two days after the baby is born. When are you going to realize that this is your child she's carrying, and you will want to be around it as much as possible once it arrives? Besides, living with a baby is not something I'm interested in."

"Then that makes two of us."

"Yeah well at least I didn't make the thing so I shouldn't have to put up with all the smells and the screaming and the baby stuff everywhere…"

"Fine Nathaniel" Chuck said, getting angrier. "You know what, I am sick of listening to your whining. Either shut up about it or move out. Frankly I don't care which."

He jumped down from the pool table and crossed his arms over his chest. Nate stopped pacing and found himself engaged in a death glare match with his roommate.

"Then I'll be out by March" he finally said. "I'll go stay with Dan in Brooklyn."

"Enjoy the nostalgic feeling of slumming it."

"Hey at least he makes a better roommate than you. You never saw me as a real roommate to begin with, did you though? This isn't _our_ place, it's yours and I rent a room."

"I own the whole damn hotel Nate" Chuck pointed out with a tired sigh. "So yeah, in that sense this is my place."

"Then I will be sure to find someplace that can be at least partially mine" Nate said.

Chuck snorted and turned to go back to his bedroom. On the doorstep he stopped and turned to look at Nate.

"Hey for the record, I've never seen this as my place where you rent a room. I think it would be more correct to say that you've thought of this as a convenient place for you to lead a comfortable existence. I doubt you moved in so we could hang out more."

With that he walked inside his bedroom and closed the doors behind him. Nate made a face at the door and grabbed the baby monitor to go throw it in the trash. He was so sick and tired of his ex-girlfriend's pregnancy being what the entire world had to revolve around. The thought of moving out of the Empire and to a place of his own was sounding better and better.

He hadn't been serious when he mentioned moving in with Dan, but the more he thought about it the better it sounded. They could get an apartment together and be actual roommates, not like it was to live with Chuck.

Nate walked into his bedroom and threw himself down on the bed with a tired sigh. He only wished he could move out right away.

* * *

"Did you hear Nate is moving out?" Blair asked Serena a few days later when they were taking their new winter coats for a walk through Central Park. Serena's was bright pink, the kind of color few people could pull off but which looked natural on Serena. Blair's was grey. She had been disappointed to find out they didn't make maternity coats in too many different colors and was starting to long for the days when she could wear whatever she wanted again.

"No" Serena said. "Why?"

"Apparently because he wants to shack up with Humphrey. God, what did either one of us ever see in Nate Archibald? The man has zero taste in men, ending his roommate days with Chuck in favor of _Dan Humphrey_."

"Really?" Serena said. "He just decided to get up and leave?"

"Yup" Blair nodded, shoving a large spoon of frozen yogurt into her mouth.

"Just like that?"

"Mh-hm."

"And this has nothing to do with how the living arrangements at the Empire are bound to change next year?" Serena asked. "Or the very real possibility that you and Chuck will go apartment hunting a few months from now? Nothing to do with the penthouse overflowing with baby stuff, making Nate feel superfluous in his own home?"

"First of all you don't even know what the word 'superfluous' means" Blair said. "Second, we have no baby stuff at the Empire. Chuck has made it clear he doesn't want me living there full time so all the stuff is at my mother's."

"B, come on…" Serena said. "It's obvious what is going on here."

"The only thing that's obvious is that you're taking his side automatically" Blair retorted. "You always do when it's him versus Chuck."

"Or maybe I see where Nate is coming from."

"Nate's just being a big baby" Blair said, chewing on a gummy bear.

"So there is some specific issue that's the reason why he's moving out?"

"You know, I'm beginning to think that the only reason you're suddenly so interested in this topic is because you want him to stay at the Empire" Blair said.

"Why would I want that?"

"If he's living with Chuck, and I'm _with_ Chuck, you will have reason to stop by the Empire and perhaps run into him."

"I told you B, I'm done with men. For the year."

"A year which is almost over, S."

"I was referring to a school year" Serena said.

"You're not done with men. The moment a cute guy walks by you and gives you the flirt eye you will have decided to get back on the market."

Serena snorted, offended by the implication. Blair ignored her reaction and continued eating her yogurt. Serena couldn't for the life of her understand why Blair would want to eat something like that while they were walking through the park on a cold, windy December day but her friend didn't seem to mind.

"All I'm saying S," Blair said after a moment, "this whole deal with trying to find yourself is admirable but you just don't like being single. Ever since you first discovered relationships you've been fluttering from one to the next."

"Oh and you're any different? Dating Nate since kindergarten then moving on to Chuck, dating other men while actually wanting Chuck?"

"Nate was my first love" Blair said. "Chuck is my _great_ love. Those other guys were mere distractions, plans I tried to make when Chuck didn't seem to be an option."

"Right, but when have you ever really tried being single?"

"That's beside the point, and we're not talking about me, we're talking about you" Blair said, filling her mouth with more yogurt.

"I don't recall asking for your opinion."

"S I'm only trying to help you out of love" Blair said with a smile. "Trust me, I see things more clearly now. I've gotten this whole new perspective on life and I… Oh!"

"What?"

"Nothing. Fry's just kicking."

"Fry?" Serena echoed with disbelief.

"Yeah. Chuck's and my nickname for the baby. Since it's a baby Bass. A bass fry."

"Yeah I get it" Serena said, thinking it was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard.

"As I was saying," Blair continued, "I have this whole new vantage point and I'm just out to help you."

"Okay, you know what B, I am getting just a little sick and tired of this" Serena said, unable to hide her irritation any longer. "You don't have a new perspective on life. You might be pregnant but that doesn't make you Upper East Side Yoda."

"I'm telling you Serena, I see things differently now."

"No I don't think you do" Serena argued. "Because the maturity and the wisdom you keep claiming you've achieved, the high horse you've put yourself on, none of that comes automatically with being pregnant. It's not like you conceive and suddenly somebody flicks a switch and you become _enlightened_."

"You haven't been in this condition so how would you know?" Blair argued back.

"You're just in denial. You are deep in denial mode, playing the part of the blessed pregnant lady, but none of that is for real. You're just the same as you always were except now you try to suppress yourself."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Blair frowned.

"It means when was the last time you went to a party? Huh? You used to love parties."

"Yeah, so?"

"So, being the pregnant woman out on the town doesn't fit your perfect fantasy, so you stifle your personality to play the part in the movie in your head."

"It's not about a fantasy S" Blair objected. "It's the exact opposite. I know I've been staying home a lot recently, and I will be staying home a lot for quite some time now. That doesn't mean I've given up on my interests. When little Fry is older I'm going to start going to parties again but right now I have more important things to worry about."

"So you have to stop being you in order to be a mother?"

"Serena let's be realistic" Blair said. "People with small children don't go out to parties all the time. They stay at home and take care of their infant. If I'm stifling the reckless, carefree part of myself then it's because the baby is more important, and I really don't want to turn into the same kind of mother you have."

"Excuse me?"

"I just find it a little hypocritical that you're saying all this to me when you know firsthand what it's like to have a mother who goes to parties instead of tucking her children in at night" Blair said frankly.

"Okay, low blow."

"I'm just being honest Serena. I want to be a good mother, and if putting my social life on hold for a while is what it takes then I'm okay with that. I mean, it sucks a little, but I'm realizing more and more that I have to make real changes."

"This isn't about what kind of mother you'll be" Serena said. "It's about the thing that drives me crazy the most. How you keep using your condition to your advantage."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what that's supposed to mean" Serena said, stopping at the spot where Blair liked to feed the ducks. "Whenever you want something your way you use your condition. Whenever you don't want to do something, whether it be show up to a party or a lunch or go out for a walk you use your pregnancy as an excuse. I'm sick of it Blair! Frankly it's disturbing to see you use it that way."

"Excuse me" Blair said, wrinkling her nose. "What do you know about how I'm feeling when I cancel on something? Do you think being with child is no different from normal life, except you're heavier?"

"I think you are very well aware that nobody is going to question you if you blame your condition for not showing up to something."

"You don't have the slightest idea how I feel so don't you dare judge me" Blair said icily. "And as for dishing out wisdom, I am only trying to help you so what's the big harm?"

"The big harm is that your high and mighty holier-than-thou attitude is really starting to grate" Serena snarled.

"I think you're just jealous because my life is in order and yours isn't."

"Are you kidding me?" Serena cried. "Blair your life is a complete mess. Really, you are the _last_ person who should be handing out advice."

"My life is not a mess."

"Yes it is. You have no idea what you're in for when that kid comes, and by the way it's not really a baby yet, it's just a fetus."

"Serena you got a C in biology. This is a baby. However that's even relevant."

"Regardless, your life is going south fast and the only reason you're not aware of it is because you've fled into your fantasy and you refuse to look at reality. An unwanted baby in the middle of college, born to a pair of parents who have serious issues, both individually and as a couple. Chuck at least seems to see that you're headed for disaster but keeps his mouth shut because he's afraid of how much it hurt him when you guys were split up and he doesn't want to go back to that pain. Which, by the way, may I remind you that the two of you had a nasty breakup less than a year ago?"

"I know that. I also know we worked things out."

"Your relationship is fragile at best" Serena said, crossing her arms over her chest. "The two of you still have a lot of unresolved issues. You couldn't make it a full year when it was just the two of you, so how long do you think you'll be able to keep up the façade when a child is involved? A month? Two?"

"Don't you try and tell me about my relationship with Chuck" Blair said, furiously chewing on the last gummy bear. "Our relationship is good Serena, and we are only going to be stronger from this."

"Really? Is that why he still hates the thought of becoming a father?"

"He does not."

"Yes he does, and everybody knows it. Face it Blair, the two of you are going to crash spectacularly and this time a baby is going to get caught in the middle. Your lives are a complete disaster."

Blair stared at her furiously without being able to get a word out. Serena gave her a challenging look. While she hated to argue she was glad to finally be speaking her mind. All this baby business was annoying, and Blair's way of dealing with it stupid.

After a moment of starting coldly at each other Blair decided she had had enough.

"My life is not a disaster" she said icily. "Shall we compare my life to yours? I'm in college with a clear goal, you have been drifting aimlessly since high school with no clue what you want to do with your life. I made things work with Chuck again, you haven't been able to do that with Nate. My life has found a purpose, yours is still void of any real meaning. But fine. If this is the attitude you want to have, if this is how you see the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, then I won't subject you to my pregnancy antics any longer."

"Is that a threat?" Serena asked. "Or is it a promise?"

"A promise" Blair said.

She turned on her heel and walked off, angrily throwing her empty yogurt cup in a trashcan as she passed it by. Serena watched her go and thought good riddance. It felt surprisingly good to finally give Blair a piece of her mind.

She turned and strode off in the opposite direction. She had no doubt Blair would come running the moment her perfect fantasy started to crumble.

* * *

Blair didn't look up when Chuck opened the bedroom doors and walked in. She had been lying on the bed for quite a while now, staring at the glass wall, feeling too low to be able to flee into her fantasy world. The world where everything was perfect and there were no problems on the horizon.

Her argument with Serena had really hurt. She felt abandoned and attacked, while at the same time aware that Serena had been right about a few things. She had been right about what she had said about Blair and Chuck together and right about things not being as perfect as Blair wanted to pretend that they were.

What hurt the most though was what Serena had said about Blair using her pregnancy to get out of things she didn't want to do. While it was true that it had happened once or twice it was usually the exact opposite of what Serena thought. Blair wanted to go to whatever she was cancelling on, but she was feeling too tired. Serena just didn't understand, and it hurt Blair to know that Serena would automatically assume she would use her baby as just another card to play to get her way. And it hurt that her best friend couldn't seem to muster up any sympathy for what she was going through.

She felt Chuck climb up on the bed and align his body to hers. He kissed her shoulder and then her cheek, wondering what was making her look so blue.

"Hey…" he said softly.

"It's late" she said, casting a glance at her wristwatch. "What took you so long?"

"I walked back" he said. "And on the way I stopped and saw something in a window that I had to get. It's for Fry, but I was thinking you could hold on to it until the baby comes."

She turned her head to look at him with surprise.

"You've never bought anything for the baby before."

She noticed the bag in his hand and instantly got curious. He reached his hand inside the bag and pulled out a stuffed animal.

"It's Dumbo" she noticed. "This isn't some sort of you'll-be-big-as-an-elephant joke, is it?"

"No" he chuckled and handed her the stuffed animal. "I saw it and it reminded me of… of the one memory I have of my father where he actually seemed to enjoy being a father."

"You only have _one_ such memory?" Blair said, gently exploring the plushie with her fingers.

"Pretty much, yeah. I was… four, maybe five. And my Dad was watching '_Dumbo_' with me, which in itself was a rare occurrence; Bart had no patience for silly children's movies. But he was watching it with me, I was on his lap, and I remember that he was rocking me slowly during that scene where the mother elephant rocks Dumbo on her trunk."

"Bart Bass did that?"

"I know, can you believe it? It was like he was actually _relating_ or something. Seeing Dumbo in that store window reminded me of that. I thought we could give it to the fry when it's been born, have it be the baby's first stuffed animal. It can remind us both of… I don't know, remind us of _something_. Remind us to be better parents than Bart or Harold or Eleanor. And maybe we could sing that lullaby from that scene to him or her? Make sure our kid knows he or she is loved."

She felt his hand slide down her side and rest on her belly.

"And maybe you and the fry can both be living here full-time… Especially now that Nate is leaving. Or if you want, we can get an apartment. You, me and Fry, the three of us… living together as a family. The kind of family our little girl or boy should have."

Overcome by emotion she had to fight back the tears that had been threatening to start rolling down her cheeks ever since she had parted from Serena.

"Blair, is everything okay?" Chuck asked gently.

"You've never shown any real interest in Fry before" she said, studying the plushie in her hands. "What changed?"

"I've been worrying that I'll never feel any fatherly love" Chuck said. "That I would end up treating our child the way Bart always treated me. I was worried I _couldn't_ feel the way a father should feel about their child. When I was reminded of that one incident when I was little I realized Bart did feel that kind of love, at least sometimes. And if he could, so could I. But I refuse to be like him and forget about being a real father for long periods of time; I want to be a father for _real_. It scares me to death that I might not be able to be, but I want to at least try. When I held the plushie in my hands it was like… I could just imagine myself, holding a child, making it feel the same way I felt when my Dad showed me affection. For the first time I felt like I was looking forward to meeting Fry. I'm not saying I've pulled a 180 here, but for the first time I feel more positive than scared. I wish we had been older and in a better place, but I think I'm ready to start actually dealing with the situation instead of fighting to keep my blinders on."

Blair nodded but couldn't keep a tear from falling down her cheek.

"Won't you tell me what's on your mind?" Chuck said. "You're upset about something and for once I don't think it's me."

"It's just Serena" Blair said.

"What has she done?"

"She gave me this big stink about how I'm using the baby to get my way and to get out of things I don't want to do, and how I'm deluded in thinking anything good can come from this, and how you are well enlightened as to how our lives are going to crumble and it's only a matter of time before our lives are ruined forever and ever."

"Who put coins into her soapbox jukebox?"

"It just really hurt to hear her say those things Chuck."

"How could it not?"

"She's supposed to be my best friend! She's supposed to be happy for me!"

"Look, Serena… for all her good qualities she doesn't have a lot of insight" Chuck said. "She's probably been terrified or getting pregnant herself so she can't comprehend the fact that you might think it's a wonderful thing. At the same time she might be jealous. You have me and you have the fry, and you have a plan for the future. My stepsister might claim she wants to find herself but deep down I think she just wants to find some man who won't leave her. It's a whole big daddy issue thing."

"So I should just ignore what she said?"

"You should take it for what it is" he said, placing a kiss on her shoulder. "If my sis can't find it in herself to be supportive then she can go take a long stroll off a short catwalk."

"She basically said I'm an annoying bitch."

"You are an annoying bitch. But you're pregnant, so I forgive you. Serena's an annoying bitch too but what's her excuse?"

She smiled faintly.

"I just wish my best friend could have a little faith."

"She'll come around. Once she sees that the world hasn't imploded just because Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass became parents she'll come crawling back. If even I can start to come around then so can she."

"And until then?"

"Until then you have me. And Dorota. Among others."

She nodded, but couldn't get rid of the lump in her throat. She looked at the plushie she was still holding and suddenly felt even angrier at Serena than before. This should have been an amazing moment. She had been waiting for this since October, but Chuck warming up to the idea of the baby was tainted now by the fight with Serena.

"Hey…" Chuck said softly. "You don't have to pretend to be just a little annoyed. You're more upset than you would like to let on, believe me I can tell."

"I will not cry because of Serena" Blair said. "Not tonight."

"You might feel better if you do."

With a finger on her chin he turned her face around so their eyes met. He then kissed her lovingly and gently caressed her cheek.

That did the trick. The emotions she had been fighting to keep control of ever since she left the park got the best of her and she felt the tears start to fall down her face. She curled up as best she could and hugged the Dumbo plushie tight as she began to shake with sobs.

Chuck nuzzled his face in her neck and held her as tight as he could, his hand still on her baby bump. He let her cry, knowing she would feel better once she got it all out, and tried to be there for as best he could.

* * *

I'm still not happy with how the last scene turned out. I don't want it to seem like too quick a change in Chuck so I hope it comes across that he hasn't gone from hesitant to super excited, but that he's had sort of a breakthrough moment.

I also hope it's at least possible to see where Serena and Blair are both coming from (and Nate too, for that matter). Blair's actions and reactions will be further explored down the line.

Until next time, please review!


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter! And for the record, yes, Blair is meant to come off as kind of annoying =) But more insight on that will follow. It's interesting that some seem to side with Serena and Nate and others with Blair and Chuck.

One reviewer felt the story was insulting to young mothers. I apologize, it's not at all meant to be taken that way. I know people who have had children in their teens who are wonderful parents. I also know people who had children in their teens who are horrible parents. It's not about your age I think, it's more about whether or not you are ready. Either way, this story is not meant as a statement on the parental qualities of teenaged parents, and I sincerely apologise to anyone who feels offended by it.

As a final note before we get to the chapter, I just realised I'm posting a Christmas chapter exactly six months away from Christmas Day. Now how's that for timing? ;)

**Update**: June 29th - Rewrote the last scene a bit since I realised I was pretty unclear on something. Nothing that requires a re-read if you've already read it, but to avoid confusion for any new readers =)

* * *

December progressed without a word spoken between Serena and Blair. Chuck, who would usually try to mediate between them, stayed out of it this time around. He had enough on his own platter and so long as Blair seemed to be doing fairly okay he focused his energy on other things that he felt needed his attention better.

With five days left until Christmas Blair found out neither of her parents were flying in from France. She didn't know whether to take it as a statement against her condition or if they were simply her parents behaving in their normal way, but it disappointed her that they wouldn't be coming. She hadn't seen them since their early November visit, they hadn't come to New York for her birthday or for Thanksgiving. At least for Thanksgiving her father had had a good excuse since Roman had had his appendix removed the day before, but she didn't see how that would prevent him from travelling by Christmas. Blair considered flying to France over the holidays but when Chuck declared he wasn't spending the holidays in a foreign country with Blair's disapproving parents she decided to stay home in New York.

With Blair suddenly finding herself without her parents' company for the first time ever on Christmas Chuck suggested they should go away for the holidays, just the two of them. Blair initially liked the idea, but when they couldn't agree on where to go they ended up deciding to just stay home.

Lily called on the evening of December 20th and invited them both over for Christmas Day. Chuck accepted the invitation without talking to Blair first. He wouldn't mind spending the holidays with his pseudo-family and Lily had told him Serena would be there. It seemed worth a shot to bring the two bickering best friends together on Christmas, with a little help from some holiday spirit they might decide to work things out.

"Don't hold your breath" Blair said when he told her about their new plans for Christmas. "Miss Scrooge van der Woodsen is immune to the holiday spirit."

"Or she isn't, and she's feeling terrible over the things she said to you" Chuck replied.

They were on the couch, taking a much needed rest after having put Christmas decorations up all over the place. Blair had thrown her legs over Chuck's and was busy gulping down her second large mug of hot chocolate. Chuck had opted for eggnog instead, but upon Blair's insistence had ordered up the non-alcoholic variety from room-service. She was getting more and more cranky over having to watch others drink alcohol and caffeine when she wasn't allowed to.

"If Serena thinks she's getting a Christmas gift from me this year she can think again" Blair said, putting her mug down on the table. "I'm giving the gift I got her to Patricia at your front desk."

"Why not be the bigger person?" Chuck suggested. "Wouldn't that fit better with your whole new motherly attitude?"

"Mothers don't reward bad behavior with gifts" Blair snorted.

"So if I'm a bad boy what will Mommy do to me?" Chuck asked suggestively.

"She might make you put tinsel all around the pool table."

"Where's the fun in that punishment?" Chuck asked with a little laugh.

"Punishments are not supposed to be fun."

"I beg to differ."

"Well…" Blair said and smiled. "I will admit, sometimes a punishment may be required that the guilty party might enjoy."

Chuck leaned in closer to her with a smirk,

"And what would you suggest in such a scenario?"

Before Blair could answer the phone on the coffee table began to buzz. Chuck made a face but picked it up and handed it to Blair.

"It's Dorota" Blair mouthed.

Chuck faked a smile and waited impatiently while she prattled on for what seemed like forever, going over what gifts had yet to be bought and a dozen other things that didn't interest Chuck much.

He was growing tired of these constant phone calls. Ever since Blair had told Dorota a week earlier that she could have the holidays off the two of them had been talking on the phone endlessly about everything that needed to be in order before Dorota went on her well-earned three-week vacation.

Finally Blair was done talking and Chuck grabbed her phone to turn it off.

"Now then" he said. "How about you stop caring about Dorota and start caring about me? I need attention."

Blair grinned and leaned in closer to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a soft kiss.

"That better?" she asked.

"A little."

She tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him closer for a long, deep kiss. When her lips left his she looked up at him with a questioning grin.

"Getting better?"

"Oh a little."

Blair grinned and kissed him again.

* * *

Nate stepped into the elevator after yet another bad day. He had been on the phone with his mother for over an hour, arguing over what they should do for Christmas. Nate thought they should go with Grandfather and the rest of the Vanderbilts to St. Bart's but his mother insisted they stay home so they could visit Nate's father in prison on Christmas. Nate didn't think it made a damn to his father if they came to see him on that particular day or not, but his mother was adamant. They hadn't been able to come to an agreement and Nate had eventually said they should just sleep on it and talk in the morning.

There was of course the option of him going to St. Bart's without his mother but he couldn't bring himself to do that. If he did then she would be alone on Christmas, except for the hour she would spend visiting the Captain.

When he reached the penthouse suite he gave a sigh of relief, longing for the pot stash in his bedroom. That longing only increased when he stepped inside and found Chuck and Blair making out on the couch.

"Save it for underneath the mistletoe" he said, throwing his coat on the pool table.

The couple on the couch took a break from each other and looked up at him with slightly surprised faces.

"Hi Nate" Blair said.

"I'll be safely hidden away in my room in just a few minutes, you can hold off on swallowing his tongue until then" Nate said. "Is that eggnog?"

"Non-alcoholic" Chuck said.

"A simple 'no' would have sufficed."

"Wow, someone must have vomited holiday cheer all over you given your pleasant disposal" Blair commented.

"Christmas sucks" Nate said.

"Blasphemy!" Blair said. "Literally, that's blasphemy."

"What _are_ your plans for the holidays, Nathaniel?" Chuck asked, playing with Blair's long curls.

"Not yet decided. What about you guys? I heard France isn't happening."

"We're going to Lily's on Saturday."

"Huh. Is… Serena going to be there?"

"Unfortunately" Blair said. "If you want her you can have her."

Nate rolled his eyes and walked into his bedroom. Blair and Chuck continued their make-out session, only to be interrupted ten minutes later by Nate. He came storming out from his bedroom, looking even more annoyed than before.

"What?" Chuck asked with a frustrated groan.

"Where the hell is my pot?" Nate asked.

"Probably some clever place you decided to hide it in last time you were high" Chuck said. "Don't you remember last year when you got high and stashed it in one of the pool table pockets? Calm down, have some of mine if you can't find yours."

"Yours is gone too" Blair told him.

"I knew it" Nate growled. "Blair what did you do with it?"

"I flushed it down the toilet" she said innocently.

"Wait, my stash as well?" Chuck asked.

"I will not have lots of pot lying around here" Blair said with an annoyed frown. "Who knows when you guys will decide to get high, and what if I walk in? I will not risk second hand smoking. And when the baby comes there's _definitely_ not going to be any pot in this suite. What if the baby finds it and puts it in its mouth?"

"You think an _infant_ is going to find my pot stash and go to town on it?" Nate said with incredulity. "I know the kid is Chuck's, but come on."

"I know you're dense Nate, but you do know that babies eventually start crawling, don't you?" Blair said snidely.

"None of this gives you the right to get rid of my pot" Nate argued. "If you don't want yourself and the fry to be subjected to second-hand smoking then why don't you go loiter at your own home? Let me do whatever the hell I please in mine."

"I thought you were moving out" Blair replied cheekily.

"And it can't happen soon enough…" Nate muttered under his breath. "Excuse me, I'm going to go call my dealer."

"Just don't smoke anything inside!" Blair shouted at his retreating figure.

"You flushed down my pot?" Chuck complained when Nate was gone.

"I did."

"All of it?"

"Otherwise there wouldn't really be a point, now would it?"

"You're completely hopeless…" Chuck sighed.

Blair shrugged a shoulder and started kissing him again. He quickly forgot his complaints, or even what they had been about. Nate didn't forget so quickly though, and made a face at the kissing couple as he passed by them to grab his coat on the way out to buy a new stash. He wondered if maybe he should give Serena a call. Maybe they could reconnect over their shared annoyance with Blair and Chuck.

* * *

"_Finally _Christmas is here!" Blair declared that same Friday, throwing her arms out and filling her lungs with fresh air.

"It amazes me that you can keep up the same level of excitement every year" Chuck said, keeping his hands firmly tucked in his pockets.

"What's not to be excited about?" Blair asked, taking a large bite from her churro.

"For me the best part about Christmas is how much money everyone spends" Chuck said. "The hotel is almost fully booked."

"Which is cause for celebration" Blair nodded, taking his arm. "But you know what is also cause for celebration?"

"Let me guess, the birth of baby Jesus?"

"Presents!"

"That would have been my second guess."

She laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Nothing brightens my spirits more than giving and receiving gifts. Okay that's not entirely true, I can do without the giving. Did you get me something great?"

"Patience, my love."

"I don't do so well with patience."

"You don't say."

She smirked at him and took another bite from her churro. She continued to talk while she still had her mouth full.

"I just wish my parents could have come."

"Don't talk with your mouth full" Chuck scolded with a smile. "Try to set a good example for the fry."

"Sorry." She swallowed and then continued. "Seriously, it would have been great to have my parents here."

"Maybe next year. Is Roman still feeling under the weather?"

"Who knows?" Blair said, shrugging a shoulder. "I haven't asked and Daddy hasn't mentioned. I should assume he's fine, I mean how long does it take to recover from having your appendix removed?"

"I hope to never find out."

"_I_ hope they will at least come in March when my due date approaches. I want them here when Fry is born."

"Apprehensive as they may be I'm sure they wouldn't miss the birth of their first grandchild."

She nodded, hoping he was right. They walked through the park in silence for a while, enjoying the snow falling from the sky and the crowds of happy people. Although in Blair's case it was starting to become waddling more than walking. She finished her churro and after two minutes decided she wanted another one.

"Won't you at least give me a hint as to what you bought me?" she said to Chuck with her sweetest smile. "It would be really useful. So I will know if what I got you is proper."

"Sorry, that's a secret between me and Santa and if I tell you I will have to kill you" Chuck said.

"I might be willing to stop pestering you about my gift…" she said. "If you go over and buy me another churro. Fry demands it."

He gave her a look and smirked. He had never known her to like them before but today they seemed to be all the rage with her.

She took a seat on a bench while he walked over and bought her snack. He looked over at her and with a smile she placed her fingers on her belly, then kissed those fingers and blew him an air kiss while mouthing "_we love you_". He smiled back at her, unable to resist her good mood, and walked back with her snack.

"Alright Miss Munchies" he said and offered her his arm. "Let's get going."

"The only real downer about tomorrow is that Serena is going to be at Lily's" Blair said when they started walking again.

"Are we back on that again?"

"I would rather spend Christmas only with people that I actually like."

"I've been staying out of this particular feud, but tomorrow _is_ the day of forgiveness and reconciliation" Chuck said. "Perhaps you should try and patch things up with her again? Give us all a Christmas miracle."

"Why are you on her side?"

"No, I'm on _your_ side. Once the two of you make peace then you can stop spending so much energy thinking about this little spat."

"It is not a little spat" Blair snorted. "But fine, if Serena wants forgiveness and asks with the proper amount of 'pretty please with sugar on top' then I will find it in my magnanimous heart to forgive her."

"You truly are too kind."

"But that is only if she apologizes to me. She should beg for my forgiveness, not the other way around."

"The proper Christmas-like thing to do might be to ask for her forgiveness, even if she is the one who wronged you" Chuck suggested.

"I will not" Blair insisted. "Since when did you become the preacher of all things properly Christian? Who are you to mediate between Serena and I anyway? Why don't you go patch up your own ruined friendship?"

"You mean Nathaniel?"

"You mean you have other friends?"

"With Nate and me it's different" Chuck argued.

"Ha" Blair scoffed, taking another big bite from her snack.

"We may not be in complete agreement right now but we're capable of being in the same room" Chuck pointed out, leaning in to steal a bite as well.

"You can practically feel the brotherly love as you try your best to avoid having to speak to each other during breakfast."

"That's not how it is."

"Bass, until you have gone to Nate and asked for his forgiveness in the true spirit of Christmas then don't preach to me about doing the same with Serena."

"Well you can't blame a guy for trying" Chuck sighed.

"Let's not talk about those two morons we call friends anymore" Blair said and stopped to give Chuck a kiss. "Either things will work out or they won't."

"Sage wisdom…" Chuck mumbled. "Mm, you taste like cinnamon."

"Maybe we can go back to the Empire and finish wrapping presents?"

"Why don't you do that while I talk to my lawyers" Chuck suggested, dreading the thought of having to assist in gift wrapping.

"About that new club you're hoping to open?"

"Hopefully the deal will go through and I will have myself a new club by the time we clear out Christmas."

Blair nodded and finished her snack.

"I'll be keeping my fingers crossed. New York needs more places where people can get drunk and watch half-naked girls dance around."

"It does, doesn't it?"

She laughed and tossed her paper napkin into a trashcan. They were almost at the Empire and she couldn't wait to get a large cup of hot chocolate to warm her up after their walk. She kissed Chuck on the cheek and smiled, eager for Friday to turn into Saturday and Christmas Day.

* * *

Lily smiled and looked up when she heard the elevator ring. She put a steaming hot pot of mashed potatoes on the table and walked over to greet the newly arrived. Chuck and Blair were the last to arrive, Serena having gotten there an hour earlier, and now everything was ready for Christmas dinner.

"Charles!" Lily exclaimed, giving Chuck a kiss on the cheek. "Blair. You are just in time, we are putting the last bit of food on the table."

She gave Blair a hug and with a smile looked down on her belly before motioning for one of the servants to take their coats. Blair grabbed Chuck's arm and followed him into the dining area, trying to resist the urge to spy Serena.

"All the food looks great Lily" she said with a smile, taking in the table that was filled with all kinds of Christmas appropriate foods.

"You just can't wait to sit down and eat because pregnant women are hungry from morning until night, I'm sure" Serena's dry voice came from inside the kitchen.

A blonde figure then appeared to accompany the voice, carrying a tray with eggs and black caviar. She gave Blair a snotty look and walked right past them to set the tray down.

"I guess my hopes of a Christmas reconciliation are going to be crushed" Chuck noted. "Happy holidays sis, I see you've been completely overcome with the holiday spirit. Please try not to sicken us all with your display of Christmas cheer."

"Where is Eric?" Lily wondered and walked off to find him.

Serena stood behind her chair and gave Blair a challenging look. Blair glared back at her, unwilling to relent in the slightest. She let the hand that wasn't wrapped around Chuck's arm land on her belly, barely even aware that she was doing it, but it seemed to produce a snigger in Serena. Blair felt herself get more irritated, and more protective of her pregnancy.

"Come on Chuck" she said without taking her eyes of Serena. "Let's go find our seats. On the other end of the table, preferably. I don't like the view opposite where Serena is standing."

"Peace and goodwill…" Chuck sighed.

He followed Blair as she made sure to choose two chairs that were as far away from Serena as possible. Serena continued to glare at her and Blair glared right back. Lily returned with Eric in tow and he looked from one girl to the other and gave a whistle.

"The tension in here's so thick you could cut it with a knife" he noted.

"Hey Eric" Chuck said with a smile, happy to see someone else who wasn't involved in the latest Serena/Blair feud.

"Happy Christmas" Eric said and came over to give Chuck a quick hug and then give Blair one as well. "Wow," he said, staring at her midsection. "You've gotten really big." Then he blushed. "Is it okay to say that?"

"I'm sure Blair doesn't mind you complimenting her motherly form" Serena said with fake sweetness.

"Happy Christmas to you too Eric" Blair said, deciding to ignore Serena.

"This is going to be a blast…" Eric noted dryly to Chuck under his breath.

"No Christmas is complete without a full on feud" Chuck muttered back.

"I am so glad you two decided to join us" Lily said, motioning for them all to sit down. "Let's get started, shall we?"

Chuck pulled out Blair's chair for her and caught a sight of Serena rolling her eyes. He shot her a look. Blair had been behaving thus far but Serena was starting to annoy him. He sat down next to Blair and grabbed her hand while they waited to start eating.

"With Rufus and Jenny gone this place just seems so empty" Lily prattled on, grabbing the bowl of potatoes. "Having you both here really helps."

"The spirits sure went up when you walked through the door" Eric noted with light sarcasm while buttering a piece of bread.

"When Mom told me we would be having a nice Christmas dinner just the family I had no idea she meant such a loose definition of family" Serena commented.

"We wouldn't want to be anywhere else" Chuck lied while smirking at his stepsister.

Blair said nothing, quietly filling up her plate with caviar topped eggs and potatoes. She was determined to at least try and not argue with Serena, thereby proving to her best friend that she had indeed matured. But it took every ounce of strength not to answer each of Serena's comments with something more poisonous.

"Blair have some of the stuffing" Lily asked, motioning for a bowl sitting to Chuck's right. "I followed a specific recipe that's supposed to be great for pregnant women. Lots of nutrients and none of the things you should avoid."

"That sounds great Lily" Blair said and took the bowl Chuck handed to her.

"Seriously?" Serena scoffed. "What, she can't eat regular stuffing all of a sudden?"

"When Blair is done with it maybe I could pass it to you Serena?" Chuck suggested. "You can use it for what the name suggests and stuff it in your mouth. Perhaps take some time to chew and be quiet?"

"Please" Lily said. "I was really hoping we could have a nice Christmas dinner together, the five of us. This fight you're having, can you please keep it away from the dinner table?"

"Of course Lily" Blair said gently.

Serena scoffed but didn't say anything further. She focused on her food and tried not to have her buttons pushed by her former best friend. But it was exceedingly difficult when Blair was sitting there acting prim, proper and gentle, as if she wouldn't dream of saying something spiteful. Serena knew perfectly well that Blair must be thinking a hundred insulting thoughts right now but by keeping them all to herself she made Serena seem like the person in the wrong by mere comparison. It was annoying.

Blair glanced longingly at the bowl of mashed sweet potatoes right next to Serena. She had such a craving for them but the last thing she wanted to do was to ask Serena to pass them to her. She didn't want Serena doing anything for her, even if it was only handing her a bowl of food.

She glanced at Chuck and wondered if she would silently will him into asking Serena for the yams. Not likely. Chuck wasn't particularly fond of sweet potatoes, especially not when they were mashed.

With every minute that went by without the bowl moving from Serena's side Blair felt her craving getting worse and worse. When Chuck handed her some turkey she was barely aware of what it tasted, except that it didn't taste like sweet potatoes. This was ridiculous! Why didn't anybody else ask for the bowl? It was just sitting there, untouched, all that deliciousness going to waste.

"Let's have a little toast" Lily said, putting her napkin down and raising her glass.

Blair raised her glass of sparkling water, for once not caring that she wasn't drinking wine like everyone else. Serena raised her glass as well and her eyes met Blair's across the table.

"A toast to all of us being together on Christmas Day" Lily said emotionally, making it sound like they were a true happy family and not herself, her biological children, an adopted child and his knocked up girlfriend who, as it so happens, was currently at war with Lily's daughter.

They all drank. Blair downed her water in several hasty gulps, hoping it would somehow wash away her craving. It didn't. All it did was make her burp, which was kind of embarrassing. Without a word she grabbed the water bottle and filled her glass again, resisting the urge to rest her hand on her belly when she felt the baby kick again.

"Everything is delicious Lily" she said gracefully.

"I can't take all the credit" Lily smiled. "Serena and Eric helped me out with the stuffing, the potatoes and the yams. The rest is all from the caterer's."

"Oh there's yams?" Blair asked innocently.

"Lily how is everything with Bass Industries?" Chuck asked.

Blair had to stop herself from shooting him a death glare. She had just found the perfect opening to get someone to pass her what she craved for without having to get Serena involved, or even make it seem like she wanted the sweet potatoes all that much. Why did he have to open his big mouth to ask such a boring question? Where was his loyalty, really?

"Everything is fine, as it has been for the past year and a half" Lily said. "But let's not talk about business over dinner. Blair, I am really curious, how is everything with you? Is the baby driving you crazy kicking yet?"

"The fry is kicking much more now" Blair confirmed with a nod. "Especially when I want to go to sleep."

"Fascinating" Serena muttered, pushing some peas around her plate.

"You're almost at your third trimester" Lily noted. "Soon only the last, and toughest, part left to go. And then the best part, when the baby is born."

"Yes, we're both looking forward to it very much" Blair said, smiling at Chuck.

"It really is the best day of any parent's life" Lily said with a warm smile.

"But let's not talk about pregnancy over dinner" Serena said, echoing her mother's previous words. "I'm sure Blair doesn't want to be bothered. She gets so easily bothered these days."

"Serena…" Chuck said in a warning tone.

"Eric how is senior year?" Blair asked cheerfully, knowing that the more she avoided a verbal battle with Serena the angrier her old friend got.

"It's… long" Eric answered. "I can't wait to graduate and go off to college."

"What colleges do you have in mind?" Chuck asked.

"Harvard, Yale, Princeton… You know, the Ivies."

"I'm sure you'll fit perfectly at any Ivy League school" Blair said kindly, trying to think of anything else except for mashed sweet potatoes.

"Let's hope so" Eric said with a smile.

"Blair, don't you want any sweet potatoes?" Chuck asked, suddenly realizing she didn't have any on her plate.

"Oh… I guess" Blair said as casually as she could, silently praising her boyfriend for remembering her fondness of it.

"Serena?" Chuck said. "Mind passing the yams?"

With a defiant look Serena picked up the bowl and slowly scooped mashed yams on to her own plate. She was also aware of Blair's fondness of it and was determined to push Blair's buttons somehow to make her fail at her attempt to be gracefully above it all.

Blair forced herself to keep smiling and asked Lily to pass the stuffing. Serena fumed across the table and with a huff threw the spoon back into the bowl and passed it on. When it reached Blair she looked up at Serena and couldn't resist a triumphant smile. The look that came over Serena's face was well worth abandoning her game plan a second for.

Blissfully unaware of the drama going on around him at that moment Chuck was beginning to think that dinner might not turn out so badly after all, even with both Serena and Blair refusing to make peace. At least Blair was making an admirable effort.

* * *

After dinner everybody sat down to have eggnog, with or without alcohol. Lily was playing her favorite Bing Crosby CD and talking at length about how happy she was this Christmas, making it more clear by the second that she wished the situation had been a lot different.

Blair shared a strained look with Chuck and rested her hand on his knee, hoping to gain some strength from his presence as Serena was quickly draining her of all the strength she had arrived with. She was sitting across from Blair on Lily's right, ever so often giving Blair another challenging look. Eric, sitting on his mother's left, looked over at Chuck and wished they could be hanging out playing videogames like they used to instead of sitting here listening to Lily go on and on about how lovely everything was.

"After all," Lily continued her monologue, "family is what it is all about, isn't it?"

"Forgive me Lily, but did a Disney Christmas movie throw up on you?" Chuck asked. "What's with the overdose of family merriment?"

"What? I can't be happy that we're all together?"

"Except we're not" Serena pointed out. "Dad isn't here, I know you wish Rufus and Jenny were and I wouldn't mind having Dan present. And Blair's parents haven't even bothered flying in from Europe."

"Yes but… this is just as nice."

"Well dinner was great" Chuck offered.

"Yeah" Serena agreed. "I had no idea Blair was capable of keeping her servings of wisdom to herself for an entire meal. Let alone keep herself from telling us all about her blessed condition. Honestly, the fact that dinner went by so smoothly is a true Christmas miracle."

"Alright sis, what the hell is your problem?" Chuck asked.

"Don't say 'hell' on Christmas" Eric objected.

"What?" Serena said innocently. "I was just saying I think it's nice that she can prove me wrong. Of course, she didn't say a whole lot at all during dinner so maybe she hasn't proven that she can talk about other things, only that she can keep herself from talking when there's food on the table."

"Why are you so hung up on this?" Chuck asked.

"Because it's incredibly annoying and I've been forced to put up with it for far too long and I can't take it anymore!"

"Why don't we do some caroling?" Lily asked in an effort to avoid an argument.

"Chuck" Blair said, giving his knee a little squeeze. "It's fine. Really."

"No it isn't" Serena said. "You know you're dying to take a shot at me so why don't you just go right ahead?"

"It's Christmas Serena" Blair said softly. "We shouldn't argue."

"Blair is right" Lily said.

"Except she's a hypocrite" Serena said. "Stop with this holier-than-thou act."

"Serena can't we just be civil?" Blair asked, feeling tired.

"How about you take a break from your little fantasy for a while and stop driving everyone around you insane?"

"Serena you need to chill" Chuck said. "You've been trying to goad her all dinner and if anyone should stop being so annoying it is you."

"I think you can say goodbye to your perfect Christmas" Eric said to Lily, watching Chuck and Serena shooting daggers at each other across the coffee table.

"So what if I have been trying to goad her?" Serena asked Chuck.

"Don't you have better things to do than to try and out-wit your best friend during Christmas dinner?"

Blair snorted.

"She couldn't out-wit Fry, and he or she hasn't even been born yet."

"Wow, that's maternal and mature" Serena said, secretly pleased that Blair had finally shot something back, even if it wasn't much by Blair Waldorf's standard.

"Please Serena" Lily sighed. "Could you not do this right now?"

"Maybe we'd better get going" Chuck suggested. "Lily, thank you for dinner. But I suspect the mother of my child is getting tired and needs her rest."

"Oh so you've got Chuck using the pregnancy as an excuse now?" Serena commented.

Blair couldn't stop herself from shooting Serena a death glare. It killed her not to be able to jump to her feet, huff and storm off to get her coat but with her current condition all she could do was take the hand Chuck offered her and slowly get up on her feet before waddling over to the coat closet.

"Yes, of course" Lily said, obviously disappointed. "You need your rest Blair. I'm so glad you came though."

Chuck gave Lily a kiss on the cheek and Blair offered a smile even though all she wanted to do was scream at the top of her lungs. She followed Chuck towards the elevator, eager to get her coat and be on her way. She refused to turn around and look at Serena but she could feel her eyes following her every step.

While Blair fumbled with her coat Chuck walked back to his adoptive family and gave Eric a nod before turning his darkest stare at Serena.

"What the hell was that supposed to be good for?" he asked.

"What?" Serena asked. "I have been putting up with her crap for three months, why can't she put up with some of mine? Maybe I'm hormonal too, bad time of the month?"

"Or maybe you're just being a lousy friend" Chuck countered. "Here's a crazy thought, maybe she needs you right now?"

"I think Blair has everything she needs. A high horse to get up on, a situation that finally makes her special and all the world bowing to her every whim."

"You know I can hear you from over here, right?" Blair said dryly, wishing Chuck would just leave it alone so they could finally go.

"I think someone's just jealous that somebody else is getting all the attention for once" Chuck said to Serena.

He then turned and walked back to Blair, giving her a kiss on the cheek while waiting for the elevator.

"Oh and I should probably wish you both a happy new year!" Serena said. "Seeing as how I probably won't see you until 2011. While I'm out having the time of my life on New Year's Eve you will be tucking your little girlfriend in at around nine, right Chuck?"

"And to all a good night…" Chuck sighed as he walked into the elevator with Blair.

* * *

That evening Chuck and Blair sat on her bed in her old room at her mother's penthouse, playing poker for peanut butter pretzels, one of Blair's latest snack obsessions. Next to them on the bed was a large, half-eaten pumpkin pie and on the small bench at the foot of the bed they each had a glass filled with non-alcoholic cider.

Blair had been quiet most of the way back from Lily's, before going off on the most efficient rant Chuck had ever heard. For three minutes she listed every single thought she'd had about Serena that night, and once she had done that she had been finished. Not another word had been said about it and they had sat down under the Christmas tree to open the gifts. They had been meaning to open them that morning but between breakfast and a hot bath and Blair being on the phone with her parents who suddenly seemed very upset over not being in New York they hadn't gotten around to it.

After opening their gifts they had ended up on the bed, breaking in the deck of cards lined with 18 carat gold Blair had put in Chuck's stocking by playing several rounds of poker.

"Ow" Blair winced. "Chuck your fry is kicking worse than ever tonight."

"Maybe it's time we started thinking about what to name him or her?" Chuck suggested. "Sure we could go with Fry for a while, but once it's time for kindergarten I think our spawn might be subjected to some bullying."

"You're right" Blair said. "I've been given it a lot of thought. Our child needs the perfect name, fitting a perfect child."

"We could name a daughter Mary Sue" Chuck said. "Mary as her given name, Sue as the middle name."

Blair laughed.

"I already had an idea for a girl's name, but I am willing to consider Mary-Sue as her middle-name" she smiled. "I'm thinking… Francesca for a girl's given name. I like Francesca. It's fancy and sweet at the same time."

"Francesca…" Chuck pondered, tasting the name. "Francesca… I don't like Fran. We'd have to stick with all three syllables."

"Three syllables, _nine_ letters" Blair smiled. "Maybe as in… _we_ love you."

"I think I just got diabetes" Chuck smirked. "Francesca it is then. If it's a girl."

"And if it's a boy? I haven't been able to decide on anything."

Chuck nodded and gave it some thought. He hadn't thought much about it either. They played another round while both tried to come up with suggestions.

"I like William" Blair said. "But it's too common. We know like a hundred people named William. Same problem with John. The name should be classy, yet not too common. Something regal."

"Roy" Chuck nominated.

Blair looked up from her cards with disbelief.

"_Roy_?"

"It's short for Royal."

The thought about it for the longest time and then her face lit up in a smile.

"Royal… _Royal_. The perfect name for our son."

"Roy it is then" Chuck nodded. "The fry is no longer Fry. It's Royal or Francesca Waldorf."

"Bass" Blair corrected.

"You sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. It's been the Bass fry all this time, hasn't it? And when you and I get married one day poor Royal or Francesca shouldn't have to change their surname. He or she will be born a Bass."

"Bass it is then" Chuck grinned.

"Ugh" Blair groaned. "He or she just won't stop with the kicking. How I'm supposed to be able to go to sleep tonight I have no clue."

"Oh I can help you with that" Chuck said with a raised eyebrow. "I happen to know of a certain activity that will rock that baby right to sleep. And make you go out like a light afterward."

Blair grinned and leaned forward to meet him in a kiss. In spite of everything, Christmas had turned out to be pretty great. And the thought of Christmas next year, with a nine month old child, made her so excited she felt she might burst.

* * *

New Year's Eve came and went. Blair was now seven months pregnant and had drawn a big circle around March 11th in her calendar, looking forward to the day when she would get to meet Royal or Francesca. The only people she saw now aside from people working at the hotel and her mother's staff were Chuck and Dorota. Nate had gone to St. Bart's over the holidays and was staying until the second week of January. Serena had been quiet since Christmas, and Blair hadn't contacted her either.

Serena knew Blair spent most of her time cooped up in one of the two penthouses she divided her time between. She was beginning to feel a bit bad about how things had turned out between them, so when her mother told her Chuck and Blair were coming to the party Bass Industries were throwing Lily to commemorate all the good work she had done for the company Serena decided to try and patch things up.

She had also decided that she wanted to work things out with Nate again, but he was not taking her calls. Either he had forgotten his phone when he left for St. Bart's or he was ignoring her. Hopefully she could talk to Blair about it during the party. She thought about how nice it would be to make up and reconnect with her best friend and get her opinion on the whole thing with Nate as she went inside her mother's bedroom to see if she was ready to go.

"Hey Mom" she greeted Lily. "You look nice."

"Thank you darling" Lily said. "So do you. Are you excited about tonight?"

"Yeah, big fancy Bass Industry party, who wouldn't be all wound up?"

"Well you look like you're looking forward to it" Lily noted. Her phone rang and she looked at the display. "It's Charles. I'll just be a minute."

Serena sighed as her mother took the call. Then she felt her irritation rise up again when what she overheard from the call made it clear that Chuck was calling to say they weren't going to show up. And it didn't take a genius to figure out who had made that decision.

"No, of course" Lily said on the phone. "You don't have to explain Charles, just tell Blair to feel better."

Serena fumed. Keeping Chuck away from his adoptive mother's big night was too much, even for Blair. All thoughts of reconciliation were gone and she crossed her arms angrily over her chest while Lily rounded off the conversation.

"Let me guess, our resident pregnant lady is having an overdose of pregnancy and won't be making it tonight?" she said dryly.

"Charles said she's sick so she really shouldn't come in her condition" Lily said, clasping on her earrings.

"Mom, this is getting beyond ridiculous!" Serena cried. "Now she's keeping him away from your party? If Blair doesn't want to go then that's her sorry business, but forcing Chuck to stay away from a party he really should be attending is just wrong!"

"It's okay Serena" Lily said with a smile. "She and the baby are his priorities right now. It's only natural."

She walked off into the bathroom to take one more glance at her makeup and left Serena fuming.

* * *

Chuck hung up the phone and walked slowly back into his bedroom. Blair was lying on the bed, once again in what had become her most common position, lying on her side facing the glass wall. She was clutching the Dumbo plushie tightly, pressing it to her chest.

He carefully got up on the bed and crawled over to her, aligning his body to hers and wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her cheek but she didn't seem to notice.

"We're both young…" he said soothingly. "I guess this just wasn't meant to be. But we're young and we will have other children, when we're older."

"I kind of had my heart set on this one" Blair whispered, more tears falling down her face.

"I know…" he said, pulling her closer. "So did I."

They had been back from the hospital for about two hours, having gone there the day before. She hadn't cried until she had gotten home, but once her tears had started to come there had been no stopping them. For over an hour she hadn't even reacted to anything he had said or done. She had just lain there, staring into space, tightly hugging the plushie that would have belonged to their baby. It wasn't until the alarm on her phone had gone off, a reminder to start getting ready for Lily's party, that she had snapped out of her near catatonic state. Chuck had immediately told her he would call Lily and let her know they weren't coming and Blair had nodded and seemed to calm down for a second. But the tears were back now.

"It will be okay…" Chuck said softly, but didn't try to wipe away her tears.

"How?" she asked with a trembling voice.

"Somehow."

He kissed her again and held her close, which was all he could do for her right now. He couldn't change what had happened any more than she could. The only thing he could do was to help her get through the night, and then the next day, one at a time.

Blair reached up and grabbed his hand, pulling his arm closer around her. With her baby's plushie in a firm grip with one hand and her baby's father's hand in the other she closed her eyes and prayed for sleep.

* * *

In case anyone is curious, this is where chapter 2 ended back when this was a three-parter.

Now I shall go hide from the reactions to the last scene, until I am able to post the next chapter. I'm aiming at posting it within the next two weeks. Until then, have a happy Midsummer!


	9. Chapter 9

The amount of response I got on the last chapter is more than I've ever gotten on anything before, so thank you to all who reviewed! Both those who were positive and those who were negative. All in all, I didn't get nearly as flamed as I expected to be so that was a relief lol.

This was all already written when I started posting the story, and I have been quite tempted at times to do a major rewrite and let the baby live. The response I've gotten has made me wonder what would happen and how C & B would handle things if they had a healthy baby born. But, such a rewrite would mean tossing out some thirty pages or so, and ending up with a story with no clear ending.

**ncgirl4004** reviewed an early chapter, predicting this twist. I was so tempted to tell you how right on the money you were, but decided against it =) This is a storyline I would have expected them to do on the show, to create drama but then revert back to status quo. Whether I handle the drama well or not is up to you to decide... Some of you who've reviewed have sadly experienced this loss in real life. First off, thank you for sharing! I know it can't be easy to talk about. Second, I really hope you will feel I've handled the subject matter in a good way. The last thing I want to do is offend someone who's suffered through this in real life.

Oh, and on a different note, if Serena comes off as a bit of a ditz here and there in this chapter then that's probably because I wrote it while I was reading one of the "_Gossip Girl_" books and it affected me. Man is she an airhead in those books lol...

* * *

Serena stopped by her mother's penthouse the day after the party, desperate to have somebody to talk to. The night before had been unbelievably boring, and only made worse by everybody asking her where Chuck was, forcing her to smile and say that he was home with his poor, sick, pregnant girlfriend. Which inevitably led to the other person voicing their deepest sympathy to the poor struck-with-sickness pregnant woman's plight and saying a few words about what a blessing it still was to be having a baby.

To only make matters worse she still hadn't gotten a hold of Nate and she was beginning to get worried. What if he had grown tired of waiting for her? Nate, for all his positive sides, was almost as fickle as she was and she knew he might very well have met some hot woman at St. Bart's and decided to move on and leave Serena behind.

She walked off the elevator and found Lily by the kitchen island counter, reading some business document. Good, then she wasn't doing anything important. Serena walked up to her mother and greeted her with a hug.

"Hey Mom. Did you have a good time last night?"

"I did" Lily confirmed. "What about you?"

"Not really" Serena confessed. "Mom, I need to talk to you. Things with Nate-"

"With Nate?" Lily echoed, raising an eyebrow. "Since when are there things with you and Nate again?"

"Well there isn't, but I'm kind of hoping there might be" Serena said. "Only he's not taking my calls and he's off on some stupid paradise island filled with gorgeous women wearing even less than the girls at Chuck's clubs."

Lily nodded and was about to say something when her phone rang.

"Sorry, do you mind if I take this call?"

"No Mom, go ahead, I can wait two minutes" Serena said, taking a seat on a barstool and grabbing a handful of grapes from the bowl on the counter.

"Good morning" Lily said, answering her phone.

"Lily I need a favor" Chuck said on the other end. "Are you free today?"

"Well that depends" Lily said. "I'm supposed to meet with the board of Bass Industries in an hour, but after that I don't have anything planned."

"Would you cancel?"

"Has something happened?"

Chuck took a deep breath, finding it hard to say the words out loud.

"It's Blair. It's why we couldn't come last night. She… _we_ lost the baby."

"What?" Lily said.

"She's… devastated to say the least" Chuck sighed, running his hand through his hair. "She just lies there, staring into thin air, hugging the baby's little plushie. She barely speaks anymore. I couldn't get her properly into bed last night so we slept on top of the covers, fully clothed. Now I can't get her to come up and eat something, though at least she has had some water. I'm at a complete loss here, I don't know what to do." He waited to see if Lily would say something but no response came. "Please Lily, I need your help. She needs someone other than me, someone who is a mother. I called Eleanor but she can't get a flight out until tomorrow and Blair needs somebody _now_."

"Of course" Lily said. "I'll be right over."

"Thank you."

She hung up and walked over to the couch where she had her purse.

"Okay, as I was saying…" Serena began.

"Serena we're going to have to do this another time" Lily said and grabbed her purse before hurrying over to get her coat.

"What?"

"This is going to have to wait. Something has come up."

"Something that's more important than your _daughter_?"

"Yes" Lily said bluntly.

Serena's jaw dropped but before she could say anything to her mother Lily had stepped on the elevator and was gone. Lily took a deep breath as the elevator went down, hoping Serena wouldn't be too mad. But she hadn't had the time to tell Serena what the call had been about. She needed to get to the Empire.

* * *

Blair still wasn't moving. Chuck was back on the bed with her, offering her his silent support as best he could. He hoped Lily would get there soon, perhaps she could be of better help to Blair than him.

God bless her, she hadn't breathed a word about how he hadn't even wanted the baby for the longest time. She could have easily lashed out at him, telling him he should be happy that he got his wish and the baby would never be, and she wouldn't be entirely wrong to do so. He knew those thoughts were bound to form in his own mind once the initial shock had worn off. But Blair hadn't made any accusations. Maybe she just wasn't aware of anything else than her own pain, but he had the feeling that if she would say something about how he hadn't wanted the baby then she would have said it by now.

The phone rang. He had asked the front desk to let him know when Lily had arrived. He spoke briefly with his employee and then kissed Blair on the cheek.

"I called Lily" he said. "She's on her way up."

Blair didn't react. If it wasn't for her open eyes he would have thought she was asleep. Carefully he got up from the bed and walked out to greet Lily.

When he got up she shuddered at the loss of body contact. She knew she probably should say something to him but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She wished he could know how important it was for her to have him there, how she felt even worse whenever he left her side, but she couldn't bring herself to speak.

When the elevator doors opened Lily was surprised to see her stepson looking fairly okay. He was in a suit, as he always was, and while he looked a bit haggard he didn't seem as shaken up as she had expected. Then again he had also sounded calm on the phone.

She walked inside and gave him a hug.

"Thanks for coming" he said.

"Of course" Lily said, rubbing his arm comfortingly.

"She's in the bedroom. I still haven't gotten her to eat anything solid, but I ordered up some soup and she drank it."

"What happened Charles?"

Chuck sighed and looked away.

"She called me the day before yesterday, near hysterical. She was cramping, severely, and bleeding a little. I told her to call her doctor and stay put and I got here as fast as I could. By the time we got to the hospital it was already too late. It was too late before she even started cramping, I should think. They gave her something for the cramping, and did an ultrasound, and... and there was no heartbeat. She hadn't felt a kick since the day before and she kept blaming herself for not having reacted, but what would it have mattered? Once it stopped kicking..." He paused. "The baby's gone now."

"Do you know why?"

"They say it's the sort of thing that just happens sometimes… But that doesn't make any sense. She was so far gone that it shouldn't just happen out of the blue, from perfectly healthy one day to dead the next, with no trauma or anything like that. The baby must have been sick. I wanted an autopsy to find exact answers but Blair refused. She doesn't want the baby to be cut open."

"I'm so sorry for you both."

"It's been so hard on her" he sighed. "Everything was so chaotic from when she first called me to when we got home yesterday. Now she's barely speaking and half the time I'm not sure she even knows I'm there."

"How are _you_ doing?" Lily asked.

"I'll be fine" Chuck said, not too convincingly. "It's Blair I'm worried about."

Lily nodded and went over to his bedroom, knocking gently on the doors before opening them. Blair didn't look up when she walked into the room.

"Blair?" Lily said.

"I'll leave the two of you alone" Chuck whispered.

"Have you had anything to eat Charles?" Lily asked him. "Or a shower? A good night's sleep?"

He scoffed at the last question and walked off. Lily walked over to the bed and said Blair's name again without getting a reaction. But when she came closer Blair scooted further back to make room for Lily to sit.

Lily sat down beside Blair and grabbed her hand.

"Are you in any pain?" Lily asked. "Physical discomfort?"

Blair didn't answer, but her eyes finally left the spot it had been fixed on and she looked at Lily before her eyes returned to their previous place. Lily sat silently for a moment, waiting for Blair to say something, gently rubbing her arm.

"What happened?"

She wanted to hear it from Blair, thought it might make things easier for her to talk about it. But Blair didn't say anything. Lily got up and walked around the bed, then got up on it and lay down right behind Blair, similar to how Chuck had been lying since they got back from the hospital. Blair felt the older woman's presence but felt a bit more at ease when she didn't have to feel like she was expected to make eye contact.

"What if it was something I did?" she asked finally.

"It wasn't" Lily said.

"But what if it was?"

"Blair… These things happen. It's tragic but it's true."

"I didn't know I was pregnant until fifteen weeks in" Blair said in a monotonous tone. "Do you know how many drinks I have in fifteen weeks?"

"A couple of drinks in the first trimester isn't going to kill the baby in the third trimester" Lily said. "Blair you did everything right. It just happened."

"Easy come, easy go" Blair said. "The baby's very existence just… happened. We didn't even know we were having a child until a few months ago and now we've lost it."

She didn't say anything else. Lily gave her a few minutes in silence and tried to think of how she would be able to help her. She had never lost a baby to death, but she had given one up, and knew how painful it was to carry a child and then not get to be a mother.

* * *

Later on Lily found Chuck fast asleep on Nate's bed and almost didn't wake him. But it was better that he knew she had left than that he woke up and found her gone. She shook him gently and he stirred immediately.

"What?" he mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I'm on my way out" Lily said.

"Blair?"

"We talked for a bit. She's in a bad place right now but she will get through it."

"Not soon enough. What am I supposed to do, Lily?"

"All you need to do is exactly what you're doing already" Lily said. "Make sure she knows you're there. You know her better than anybody else and you'll figure out what she needs before any of the rest of us. Go keep her company."

"The thing is Lily, I don't even know if she wants me there" Chuck sighed, sitting up and throwing his legs over the side of the bed. "I was really skeptical about the whole pregnancy thing for a very long time, and…"

"And you are her baby's father" Lily pointed out. "She needs you now more than ever. You are the only one who knows what she feels, who's suffered the same loss."

"Except the baby wasn't in me. I didn't have to give birth to our dead baby."

"It was still yours. Now go be with your girlfriend."

He nodded and stood up.

"Really, I can't thank you enough."

"I'm not sure how much good I did" Lily said.

"You did plenty."

They walked out from Nate's bedroom and Lily headed for the elevator. Chuck stopped in the doorway to his own room and tried to offer her a smile but couldn't bring himself to it. Instead he looked down at his feet and tried to make some sense of how his whole world had been turned upside down for the second time in just a few months. Lily thought he looked much more weary now, like he had aged significantly in just a couple of hours. When she had arrived to see Blair he had finally relaxed a bit and the facade had begun to crumble.

"If there's anything else you need, either one of you…" Lily said. "You especially. Don't forget to take care of yourself. You're not going to be any use to Blair if you don't allow yourself to deal with all this."

"I'll be fine" Chuck said again.

"Okay… But call me if you need anything."

He nodded and watched her step on to the elevator. He walked into his bedroom and saw that Blair had rolled over on her other side. He got up on the bed and grabbed the blanket by their feet and pulled it up over Blair. She looked at him with red, tired eyes that now seemed drained of any emotion.

"Hey…" she offered weakly.

"Hey…"

He scooted closer but stopped when he touched her stomach. As casually as possible he moved back a bit so they wouldn't be touching. It was too weird to feel her belly against his when there was no longer a baby inside.

She didn't seem to have noticed what he was doing. She barely seemed aware of her surroundings at all. They continued to lie there in silence, the plushie resting between them, both of them feeling tired and empty. They were together, lying close, but to Chuck it felt like the distance between them hadn't been this great for a long time.

* * *

Serena flew to her feet when Lily got back home. She had been waiting for ages and now she was going to give her mother a piece of her mind. She still needed very much to talk to someone and she was very insulted by her mother saying that something else was more important.

"Oh so you're home now?" she said, placing her hands on her hips. "You think you can squeeze in some time for your only daughter in-between errands?"

"Serena whatever it is I'm sure it can wait" Lily said, walking past her daughter to pour herself a large drink. "I'm not in the mood."

"It's too bad my life can't go into crisis mode when it fits your moods" Serena said. "Where the hell have you been? Why did you just take off like that?"

"I've been with Charles and Blair."

"Of course" Serena said. "What kind of crisis were they having today?"

For a second Lily wondered whether or not she should keep the news to herself and let Blair and Chuck be the ones to tell Serena. But when she had spoken to Blair she had said that she dreaded having to tell everyone what had happened and she hoped they would all find out on their own.

"Serena…" Lily said. "Blair lost the baby."

"What do you mean?" Serena said, too caught up in her anger to really hear what her mother was saying. "How could she lose it? It hasn't even been born yet, where's it going to go?"

"No Serena she had a miscarriage. A stillbirth."

Serena did a double-take.

"W… She what?"

"Two days ago. They're not sure what happened but all that really matters is that it _did_ happen. She's taking it very hard and Charles wanted me to come and sit with her, since her own mother is stuck in France until tomorrow."

"Oh my God" Serena said. "So that's why they couldn't come to the party?"

"She is in no mood to be at any parties at all right now and he isn't either" Lily said, taking a sip from her drink.

"Oh God, poor B" Serena said. Then she headed for the elevator. "I have to go see her."

"Maybe you should wait" Lily suggested. "Let them be by themselves. There's nothing you can say or do now anyway that's going to make the pain go away."

"Mom, she has to know I'm here for her" Serena said, turning around. "We've been arguing and I need her to know that none of that matters and that I'm so very sorry for what's happened. Badly timed pregnancy or not, this was not how it was supposed to end."

"Darling I know you want to tell her that, but I don't think Blair is in a place where she wants to hear it" Lily said. "Your fight is the last thing on her mind right now. What she needs right now is peace and quiet. She and Charles need to be left alone."

"I don't care, I have to see her" Serena said, grabbing her coat and hurrying into the elevator.

Lily sighed and took a deep sip from her glass. Then she picked up her phone to call Chuck and let him know Serena was on her way.

* * *

When the elevator doors opened Serena did a double-take. Chuck was standing there waiting, holding up a hand against the side of the door effectively blocking her entrance.

"Hey… Chuck…" Serena said meekly.

"What do you want?"

The coldness in his eyes startled her a bit. He was looking at her in a way that clearly said she wasn't welcome, but she wasn't there for him. She was there for Blair and she would not let him stop her from seeing her best friend.

"My mom told me what happened" she said.

"I know. She called to let me know you were on your way."

"Chuck I'm really sorry."

"Maybe you are…" Chuck said, looking at her in a way she had never been looked at before. "Maybe you aren't. Either way we don't care."

"Chuck. I'm your sister. I'm Blair's best friend."

"Then be a friend and respect that we don't want to see you."

"Maybe _you_ don't" Serena said. "Blair needs to know I'm here for her."

"She's done just fine without your support."

"I understand that this must be shocking for you" Serena said. "Let me help. Let me talk to her."

"Shocking?" Chuck echoed. "That's all?"

"Chuck you're wearing a suit and you look pretty much as groomed and polished as usual" Serena said, tired of his refusal to let her in. "Your version of lounging in sweat pants is moping in a satin pajamas and expensive robe but you're fully dressed. You're shocked but you seem to be doing okay. I just want to see Blair and make sure she's okay too."

"I lost a son" Chuck said icily. "_We_ lost a son not three days ago. Neither one of us is particularly okay, and by the way the reason I'm still in a suit is that I haven't yet changed out of the one I wore when it happened."

"It was a boy?" Serena said.

Chuck nodded. Serena reached out and pressed the button to keep the elevator there. She tried to think of the right thing to say but didn't know what the right thing would be. When she looked closer it was becoming clear that Chuck wasn't doing fine at all. The look in his eyes scared her.

"Just let me in" she begged. "Let me see Blair, and maybe I-"

"She doesn't want to talk right now Serena!" Chuck roared.

His sudden outburst frightened her. But it only made her more determined to come inside. She couldn't leave Blair alone with Chuck. Serena didn't trust him enough. Either he wasn't feeling too much pain, in which case it would be salt to Blair's wounds. Or he was really hurting, and would soon be far too drunk to be of any use to anybody.

"Chuck" she said. "Please…"

"Time for you to go" he said, refusing to look in her eyes.

"You know… it wasn't… _really_ a baby" she tried, in a misguided attempt to help, to make the loss seem smaller. "I mean, it..."

"He sure as hell seemed like a real baby when I held him" Chuck said and looked up at her.

"You held him?"

"He was absolutely perfect Serena. Blair's and my son. For once in your life why don't you shut up about things you don't understand?"

"I'm sorry, I said a stupid thing. I didn't even mean it. I just… I'm just trying to help you. Please Chuck, you, me, Nate and Blair, we're always there for each other when it matters."

"You weren't much help when we were still pregnant. But perhaps you didn't think that mattered?"

"Then let me make that up to you."

"You want to help me? Then get out. And stay out. Blair will call you if and when she wants to speak with you. Until then just leave us alone."

This time she let the elevator doors close. She knew she had said the completely wrong thing, which was stupid since she knew very well the baby was a real baby, and there was no way Chuck would let her in now. Instead she grabbed her phone and sent Blair a text, hoping she would see it soon. Or at least that when she did see it she would know she was on Serena's mind.

Chuck walked back into the bedroom, where Blair had turned around again and was on her back, staring at the ceiling.

"Serena was just here" he told her. "I sent her away. I wasn't sure if you'd like to see her or not."

"No" Blair said as he got up on the bed with her. "I don't want to see Serena. She was so negative about all of this and kept saying I was living in a fantasy and that snapping back into reality would be a hard blow. I guess she turned out to be right. But that doesn't mean I want to see her."

"You know she loves you, right?" Chuck said. "Whatever she's said or done, I doubt she meant any real harm. Serena's just… Serena."

"Yeah… But she wasn't interested in being there for me when I was still pregnant so I don't particularly long for her to come hold my hand now that I no longer am."

He nodded. Blair was probably going to take some of her hurt out on Serena and he wondered if his stepsister would be ready for that. Part of him felt like she deserved to be on that receiving end. Unfortunately, that meant he probably deserved to be on that receiving end as well.

* * *

Blair woke up and found she was alone. She had no idea what time it was; all sense of time and space had disappeared. She wasn't even sure what _day_ it was.

What she was aware of was that she was hungry. She got out of bed and walked into the closet to change her clothes. She then went to go look for Chuck, or food, whichever she would find first. It turned out to be Chuck, who was sitting in an armchair in the livingroom, staring out on the city from the large windows. She noticed that the curtains she had put up were gone now. That was just as well.

She walked up to where he was sitting and saw that he had been crying. He was no longer wearing a suit, but had changed into the satin pajamas she had bought him for Christmas. He hadn't noticed her yet, and when she put a hand on his arm he recoiled.

"Hey… It's me" she said.

He looked up at her and briskly tried to wipe the tears from his face. Blair grabbed his hand and held it still.

"You don't have to do that…" she said.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled.

He didn't want her to see him cry. He wanted to be the strong one, be there for her. That was why he had waited until she was asleep before walking out to the livingroom where he had thought she wouldn't come to find him. She had barely gotten out of bed since they had gotten back from the hospital but now she was up.

She sat down on the armrest and ran a hand through his hair. He noticed she had changed into a large, white shirt and a pair of black slacks. With a joyless laugh he drew the conclusion that she was past the initial, crippling stage of grief mixed with shock. If she cared about what she was wearing then at least there was some hope.

"How are you?" she asked softly.

"I'll be fine" he said. "How are you? Feeling better?"

"No…" she sighed. "Just sick of lying there all pathetic, I guess. I missed you so I came to find you. Plus I'm hungry."

"That's reassuring to hear" he said.

"But right now I'm more concerned with you" she said. "You've been stuck in there with me most of the time and I haven't even asked you how you're feeling."

He hesitated to answer. He didn't want to make her think he didn't care about what had happened but he also didn't want her to spend any energy on worrying about him.

"Please Chuck…" she said gently. "Don't shut me out."

"It's so damn strange" he said. "From when I first found out we were having him, back in October, to right before Christmas I didn't even want him. For weeks I didn't even really comprehend that we were having a child. But when I saw him and I held his lifeless body… It was like a million hopes and dreams, a million plans, had died as well. I hadn't even realized I _had_ dreams and plans for him."

"I know how you feel" Blair said.

"No…" He shook his head. "You, you wanted him from day one. I was struck with the shock of just how much I cared about him when he was gone."

She nodded and tried to find the right words to say. She looked down and realized she was still holding Dumbo.

"I can't decide what I want to do with this" she said. "It's the only thing we have that was his, that was his personal belonging. Clothes and prams and stuff, they don't really count. This was _Royal's_."

"You're still holding that?"

"Yeah. And there's a big part of me that wants to keep holding it. It's the only thing we've got that was our son's personal belonging. I want to keep it as a memory of him, something we can always have with us."

"I gave it to you to hold on to until the baby was born" Chuck said and reached out to touch the stuffed animal. "If you want to keep it..."

"But then there's the part of me that can't bear the thought of our baby being buried without his stuffed animal, without anything that's his. Our boy would have loved this to pieces. He should get the chance to."

"I think we should let the baby have it then" Chuck said. "Holding on to our child's stuffed animal might make it more difficult for us to move on."

"I can't even think about moving on right now" Blair sighed and looked down at the plushie in her hands.

Chuck said nothing. She ran her hand through his hair again, realizing it hadn't been washed in days, and he closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Then more tears fell down his cheeks.

"I'm really scared Chuck" Blair suddenly said, making him open his eyes again.

"Of what? Not to tempt fate or anything, but how could things possibly get worse?"

"What if there's something wrong with me? What if it was my own body that killed our baby?"

"It wasn't. Royal was sick. Or had some internal deformity we didn't know about."

"You don't know that. Maybe I can't carry a child to term, you know some women can't."

"Don't do that to yourself" Chuck said. "Sometime in the future, when we're ready, we will have children. It just wasn't meant to be this time around."

"How can you say that? It's our child you're talking about. How could he not have been meant to be?"

"A child whose death was not your fault. I know there are women who are unable to carry a child for nine months but I also know that women have miscarriages and stillbirths and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. We will have kids but just not now."

"That's another thing that scares me" Blair said. "What if we can't get past this, Chuck? Couples break apart over the loss of a child all the time and if we're to be completely honest you and I aren't on exceptionally solid ground as it is. What happened last year… We're fragile, that's all I'm saying. What if we can't get through this?"

"I'm not worried about that."

"You should be. You were the one who worried that _having_ the baby would come between us. Now what's going to happen? We lost our son. We had to go through a real nightmare only days ago."

"You keep saying 'we'…" Chuck said. "_We_ lost our son. _We _went through a nightmare. That's why I'm not worried. We're together in this. Some couples can't bear to be around each other after the loss of a child, the sight of each other being a too painful reminder. That's not how I feel at all. I need you right now Blair."

"And I need you…"

"The bond between us will only grow stronger after this. We might not make it in the long haul; who knows when I'll screw up again? But this will not be what comes between us. We can't let it be."

She smiled and leaned in to kiss his forehead.

"You want to know what's weird?" Chuck sighed.

"What?"

"I've actually found myself missing my father these past couple of days."

"You miss Bart?"

"It would have been nice to have him here… I know that he was about as much of a rock to lean on as pile of snow in a desert. Still, he was my father and I could really have used him right now. And I have to believe that he would have set aside all his judging and just… helped me. Instead I will have to settle for feeling relieved that he's probably in hell, so he won't be the one taking care of our baby up in heaven. He would probably have been as lousy as a grandparent as he was a dad."

Blair didn't say anything. She continued to stroke his hair until her stomach growled loudly. Chuck looked up at her.

"You should eat something."

"I don't need food" she sighed.

She got up and put the plushie down on the coffee table on her way over to the bar. She poured herself a large scotch and came back to Chuck, this time sitting down on his lap. She took a deep sip and felt tears start to fall down her face as Chuck grabbed the tumbler and took a sip as well.

"I can't believe he's gone" she said.

"I know…" he said softly.

* * *

Nate hadn't bothered sending his suitcase home, instead he just forwarded it. Before Christmas Dan had asked him to come along for a week-long ski trip and Nate had loved the idea of getting more time away from Blair and Chuck so he had happily agreed.

His flight from St. Bart's landed two hours before he would have to meet up with Dan at the airport so he decided to go home and pack whatever he would need for a stay in the mountains which would be much colder than the island he had just left. He would also need to stop and buy a new phone, having dropped his cell in the pool the first afternoon in St. Bart's.

When he got off the elevator he spotted two figures sitting on the armchair. Great. Chuck and Blair were at it again.

"Don't stop on my account" he said, raising his hands in surrender. "I'm just here to pack up a few things and then I'm off again. I'm going skiing with Dan, flight leaves in less than two hours, and when I get back I'm going to start looking for a place of my own."

He walked into his room and packed an additional bag, and was about to head straight for the elevator with no further comments. But then decided it was a bit too unfriendly to not even look his roommate in the eye before heading off again. He walked up to the couple on the armchair and froze when he saw what was in Blair's hand.

"Blair are you crazy?" he exclaimed. "What are you doing drinking scotch?"

Blair and Chuck both looked up at him. The looks on their faces, the scotch in her hand and their swollen red eyes made the pieces fall into place real fast.

"Damn it…" he said, sinking down on the edge of the coffee table. "Chuck, Blair, I'm so sorry. When? How?"

"It just… happened" Chuck said.

"There is no fry anymore?"

Blair shook her head and took a deep sip of scotch.

"God, I'm sorry you guys. What… what a shock."

"Yeah…" Chuck said.

Nate looked at the two of them and tried to wrap his brain around the new information he had just gotten. When he had left right before Christmas he had thought everything was perfectly fine with Blair and the baby. Coming home to this kind of news was the last thing he had been expecting.

"Isn't your flight leaving soon?" Chuck asked.

"Right" Nate said, jumping to his feet when he saw the time. "Look, I'll be back in a week and…"

"Yeah I heard you before" Chuck said.

Nate nodded awkwardly and grabbed his bag from the floor. While he waited for the elevator he turned around and looked over at his friends.

"Are you guys going to be okay?" he asked.

"We kind of have to be" Chuck sighed. "One way or another."

Taking that as a confirmation that they would be fine, Nate walked on the elevator and headed off for his weekend of skiing with Dan.

* * *

Serena tried calling Nate again but only got to voicemail. With a groan she tossed the phone on her bed and then flung herself down next to it. Could this week suck any worse? It was killing her that neither Nate nor Blair had responded to any of her texts or calls. Nate's silence was painful because she had believed he was still completely hung up on her and would jump on an opportunity to get back together. Blair's was painful because Serena desperately wanted to know how she was doing.

She and Blair had been angry with each other before, but whenever a true crisis had happened they had offered forgiveness if it was asked for, and accepted each other's help and support. Serena wasn't used to being out of favor when Blair truly needed her. Had Blair really turned away from her best friend this time?

Serena had even tried calling Chuck once but he hadn't taken her call either. Why was the whole world suddenly set on not returning her calls? Serena wasn't used to being ignored and she did not care for it one bit.

With a big leap she was off her bed and hurrying out the door. She would go and talk to Eric, the one person who always listened and never judged _too_ much.

She found him at their mother's penthouse, his nose buried in a textbook on physics. He looked up when she walked in, shoulders slumping and the corners of her mouth somewhere around her knees. She threw herself on his bed with a moan.

"Bad day?" Eric asked.

"Bad week" Serena complained into the comforter. She then looked up. "Eric have you talked to Chuck?"

"Only briefly and over the phone" Eric said. "Mom told me what happened and I called to see how he was doing."

"How is he doing? How's Blair?"

"Why are you asking me? Why don't you go over there and see for yourself?"

"I tried" Serena complained and flipped over on her back. "Chuck won't let me see her, he's every doorman with an attitude I've ever met."

"So you and Blair are still in a fight?" Eric asked.

"Yes, and I want desperately to just make up" Serena said. "I know I said some bad things about her condition and I know I pretty much said the baby would ruin their lives… But none of that should matter right now."

"I think it matters more now than ever" Eric objected.

"Just so you know, you're on _my_ side here" Serena said.

"I know you say it shouldn't matter because you want to be able to be there for her, but think about it Serena."

"What's there to think about?"

"You told her the baby would ruin her life and now the baby has died. Anything bad you said about her son is amplified by a million right now."

"But I didn't even think about it as her son" Serena said. "Or her daughter."

"And that is going to make Blair warm up to you how? For her it was very real, _is_ very real. It's her baby. Stillborn or not, he is Blair's _son_. Chuck told me they both touched the baby after he was born. He said he looked pristine, tiny but otherwise a perfect human being."

"You're making me feel worse by the minute…" Serena pouted, knowing she deserved everything she was feeling.

"Maybe what you need to do is admit to her that you didn't get it, and that you still don't really get it, and that you're sorry about that."

"Eric I would love to tell her that, and to tell her how honestly sorry I am, but she won't return my calls and Chuck is the dragon guarding the castle tower she is hidden up in. He may be our brother in a way but he scares me when he's like this."

"Then I guess you'll just have to wait for her to come to you" Eric shrugged.

"I can't do that. She needs me."

"You can prove your friendship to her by giving her some space. Send them some condolence flowers or a note to tell her that when she's ready you're there to listen."

"I've already texted her like five times."

"You might also have to realize that the reason Blair hasn't contacted you is because there isn't anything you can do for her right now. Her mother is coming in from France, she's got Chuck and I'm sure Dorota will more or less abandon Vanya and her own baby to take care of Blair right now. She's got people around her. But she's the one who has to do the grieving."

"Don't tell me you're thinking about becoming a psychiatrist" Serena sighed. "Fine, I'll leave Blair alone for right now. But that still leaves my problems with Nate…"

* * *

Nate was slightly startled at the record-setting number of messages that had been left for him during the fifteen days he had been without a cell phone. This newfound popularity didn't feel as nice as it should however. He glanced at his phone and then put it in speaker so he could listen to the messages while he changed into something warmer. He and Dan had arrived in their ski lodge half an hour ago and it was a lot colder than Nate had expected.

While he pulled out a warm sweater from his bag he was surprised to hear Serena's voice asking him how he was doing and wishing him a happy Christmas. Even more surprising was that the following ten messages were all from her, getting more and more confused over why he wasn't calling her back.

Nate pulled the sweater over his head and wondered when the messages would stop being from Serena and start being from Chuck. It didn't occur to him that for the first time in over a year he was indifferent to Serena. Right now her messages were unimportant, the only thing on his mind was what had happened to his roommate. Roommate? Wasn't 'best friend' the correct term?

When all the messages had played he sat down on the bed and looked at his phone with surprise. Two had been from his mother and one from Dan, the rest had all been from Serena. Nothing from Chuck.

Realizing that his best friend hadn't tried to call him after the ordeal he had been through was surprisingly hurtful. Nate would have thought Chuck would call him, that they hadn't drifted _that_ far apart. The fact that Chuck hadn't called made Nate question what kind of a friend he really was when the person he thought saw him as his best friend didn't think to lean on him in such a time of crisis.

Then it hit him where he was and what he was doing. Not ten minutes after his friend told him that his child had died Nate had walked out the door and headed off to go skiing with another friend. You didn't win friendship awards over moves like that. Nor did you win them by whining and complaining as much as Nate had done during the last few months. Nate realized he hadn't even asked if the baby was a girl or a boy.

Out in the kitchen Dan was inspecting the waffle iron he had found in a kitchen cabinet. The door to Nate's bedroom suddenly opened and Nate came walking out with his bags, heading straight for the door.

"Nate?" Dan said. "What, what are you doing? Where are you going?"

"New York."

"Uh, I think you're a little confused" Dan said, although he was clearly the confused party. "New York is the place we left earlier today."

"I shouldn't be here" Nate said, stopping to grab his shoes.

"Why? We've been talking about going away on a ski trip since last winter. We made plans to go find hot, lusty ski babes tomorrow."

"We'll have to do it some other time."

"Nate… You know I've been dying to get away since things ended with Vanessa. Come on, I need this. You can't just bolt."

"I should never even have come in the first place" Nate said. "I called a car, it will be here in a few minutes. Look I'm sorry, we'll do this some other time."

"I can't afford doing it some other time" Dan reminded him. "Limited funds ring a bell?"

"My treat" Nate said. "I have to get back home. Chuck needs me."

"Chuck?" Dan said with disbelief. "You're bailing on ski week because of… Chuck? What, he called and told you he's found yet another dead parent?"

"No he hasn't called but I saw him before I left and I should have stayed. They had a miscarriage a few days ago, or maybe it's a stillbirth at this trimester…"

"Blair lost the baby?" Dan said. "Wow, that's… That has to suck. For them. I'm not sure the rest of the world was ready for the spawn of Chuck and Blair though."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Nate snapped.

"Sorry, that, that was… insensitive… Just a bit of gallows humor, I'm sorry. But look, if this happened days ago and he hasn't called you about it then what makes you think he needs you? I thought you guys were still kind of mad at each other."

"We were, but this changes things" Nate said, glancing out the window to see if his car had arrived. "He's my best friend. I can't go skiing and sit around in hot tubs with beautiful women while he's trying to deal with the loss of a child."

"Nate… It's Chuck Bass" Dan said. "I know you guys are friends but he's not really capable of much human emotion. Just look what he did to Blair last year, the woman he claims to love! Why should you cancel your plans and get on yet another airplane to be there for him when he hasn't even asked you to be? Plus he's got Blair, hasn't he?"

Dan couldn't understand why Nate was in such a hurry to get back to New York. He had heard Nate refer to Chuck as his best friend but for as long as Dan had known Nate it had seemed like he used the adjective 'best' out of habit. Nate seemed to spend way more time with Dan even though Chuck was his roommate, and the friendship between Nate and Chuck had never seemed to be very strong to Dan. Why Nate was all of a sudden walking out on the trip Dan had barely been able to afford to begin with, a trip he needed to distract himself from his break-up, in favor of being there for Chuck was a bit hard for Dan to understand.

"Maybe I would just like to prove to him that he _is_ my best friend" Nate said. "I haven't really been doing my job."

"Again, your best friend is Chuck Bass."

"Right. And he's always been there for me."

"You are aware that he probably doesn't _want_ you there?" Dan said. "Like you said, he hasn't called. And you guys only seem to be arguing these days. Most likely you'll end up being completely ignored while he wraps himself in some cocoon with Blair."

"Yeah I know" Nate said. "But at least I will be there if he needs me."

The car arrived and Nate walked out the door without further comment. Dan watched him go and groaned with frustration. So much for a fun week of skiing.

* * *

I know I didn't say too much about what actually happened. The next chapter will give some further detail, but it will still be left a bit ambiguous since I have no medical training and I figure the more details I go into the greater the risk is that I'll get stuff all wrong. The exact _what_ isn't what's crucial for the story anyway.

Sorry for taking so long with posting this chapter, btw. Things have been busy and I wanted to get some work done on my other stories as well. Expect another update for this one within two weeks.

Some of you have asked how long this story will be. I have another two chapters and an epilogue written. Hope you'll all be with me till the end!


	10. Chapter 10

As usual I want to start by thanking everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Your comments always mean a lot to me.

This chapter picks up a few days after the previous one left off. I hope you'll enjoy reading it!

* * *

Blair opened the doors to the closet and studied the clothes inside. On the right were Chuck's clothes and she didn't pay any attention to them. To the left were hers, and all of it was going to go. The sooner the better.

Dorota walked over and tried to convince her to go sit down but Blair didn't want to sit. She wanted to be a part of these clothes disappearing from the hangers and from the closet. Her maternity clothes, each outfit a painful reminder of what she had had for such a brief period of time and lost.

"Miss Blair, what should we do with all the clothes?" Dorota asked, already guessing the answer.

"Burn it" Blair said. "All of it."

"Maybe we can put in boxes" Dorota suggested. "Put in storage. Bring it back when next baby is on its way."

"Are you mad?" Blair snarled. "None of these clothes will be fashionable by then."

Dorota nodded and apologized. Not that she believed for a second that keeping up with the fashion trends was the reason why Blair wanted the clothes gone for good. But if Miss Blair didn't want to acknowledge what was really the issue then Dorota wouldn't force her to. Anything Miss Blair wanted, Miss Blair would get.

Dorota began to grab clothes from the hangers and throw them onto the bed. Tomorrow they would be doing the exact same thing at the Waldorf penthouse. A lot of clothes would go up in flames before having been put to proper use.

Chuck walked in with a roll of large black plastic garbage bags and began to shove clothes from the bed into one of the bags. He had very little so say about Blair's cleansing ritual. There was no point in keeping the maternity clothes and it would be a bit of a relief to not have to see them every time he went into his closet.

Blair slowly went through the clothes hanging closest to the door. She couldn't wait to have the garments out of her sight but this was not how she had intended for them to be leaving her closet. Her hands stopped when she found a purple silk dress, the same one she had bought the first time she had been out shopping for maternity wear.

Chuck looked up from his task and saw the pensive look on her face. He dropped the bag on the floor and walked over to her, wrapping an arm around her now smaller waist.

"It's a pity…" he said. "You would have looked stunning in that dress."

Without responding she ran her hand gently across the fabric. She had never gotten a chance to wear it. She was going to wear it for the Bass Industries party but mother nature had had different plans. She deeply regretted that she hadn't worn it for New Year's. It had been her favorite.

"Why don't you keep that one?" Chuck gently suggested, sensing her mood. "It's not going to go out of style, and if it does it's still purple and my woman will always be stylish in my preferred color."

"Why?" she asked. "What use do I have of it?"

"You might have use for it further down the line."

"I thought you were the one who said we shouldn't hold on to these things, that holding on to them would make it more difficult to move on."

"There's holding on to things…" Chuck said. "And then there's keeping something to make sure you never allow yourself to suppress certain emotions or memories. If we do get pregnant again at some point it might be nice to still have something you bought when we were expecting Royal."

Blair nodded.

"Okay" she said. "Dorota we're keeping the Valentino."

"Yes Miss Blair."

"Maybe we should let Dorota finish this on her own" Chuck suggested. "Your other clothes are being brought back up as we speak and I took the liberty of sending for a few of the newer releases at Barney's. You may not be able to wear them quite yet, or even feel up for it, but you should have something new and trendy in your closet."

He kissed her cheek and walked out of the bedroom. She took one more look at the dress and then followed him. Nearly everything would soon be packed, all she was keeping were a few things she could wear until she was back to her normal size. For once the thought of clothes and fashion did nothing to brighten her spirits.

Out in the living room Chuck had taken a seat next to Nate on the couch. The two of them were talking in hushed voices while hotel staff moved the furniture around them back into their original places. Now that a few more days had passed Blair wanted to exorcise everything that reminded her of the abruptly ended pregnancy.

She walked into the kitchen and let the boys talk. She and Chuck had both been surprised when Nate had returned home only hours after heading off on his ski trip but when Nate had announced that he was back home to stay and that he refused to go anywhere until he was sure Chuck was out of the woods Blair had been grateful. Chuck was so preoccupied with looking after her and somebody needed to look out for him.

By now hers and Chuck's cooped up isolation had ended. Both her parents had flown in from France as soon as they had been able to, and she had then been showered with the most amount of attention she had gotten from them since the time when she was eight and broke her arm falling off her pony. Blair had expected her parents to practically be dancing a celebratory can-can at the news that they wouldn't become grandparents in March after all. At the very least she had expected a lot of talk along the lines of "this was all for the best". Surprisingly they had said nothing of the sort. At least not to her. God knows what they had said to Chuck when she wasn't in the room.

The way Eleanor had hugged Blair close when she first arrived, and the soothing words she had whispered in her ear, had reminded Blair of what Chuck had said about Bart. Suddenly she hadn't felt like a mother anymore, she had felt like a little girl, and she had felt how desperately she needed her own mother in that moment. The knowledge that Chuck needed his parent too, but wouldn't be able to get any comfort from that source, had made her cry again. She was relieved that now he at least hade Nate.

Eleanor had held her for the longest time, rocking her back and forth. After a while Harold had come to sit on Blair's other side and for the first time in as far back as she could remember both her parents had been there to comfort her.

She had gone back to her mother's place with them, feeling a little bad about leaving Chuck but since Nate was there it had been a little bit easier to go. She had needed a break from the suite where she had spent her first days of grieving and with her out of the house Nate had been able to focus all his energy on Chuck. As much as she wanted to be with her baby's father she knew it had been good for him to be able to think only about himself for a while, knowing that she was in good hands. Nate seemed hell-bent on making up for all the negativity he had been throwing Chuck's way during the fall and was doing a surprisingly good job at being there for his friend.

Blair had returned to the Empire earlier that day together with Dorota, to clear out the closet, move all the furniture back where it belonged and to spend some time with Chuck. While she was out her parents were taking care of the funeral arrangements. They would be having a brief memorial service at the same church where Bart Bass' funeral had been held, and then the baby would be put to rest next to his grandfather.

"So what have you two boys been up to?" Blair asked, taking a seat in the armchair opposite Nate and Chuck.

"Oh you know, the usual…" Nate shrugged. "Drinking, smoking pot, banging hot girls… Oops, I said that last part out loud?"

"So you played pool and lounged around?"

"Pretty much."

Blair offered the first faint attempt at a genuine smile she had been able to muster lately. It caused two quite pleased smiles to appear on the boys sitting across from her.

"Where is this supposed to go?" a hotel worker asked, motioning to the large table.

"Over there by that bookshelf" Chuck said and pointed to the proper spot of the table they very rarely ate at. Most meals were still eaten in the kitchen area.

"I've got to say, it's nice to have everything back the way it was" Nate said, before turning bright red. "I mean… with the furniture and all…"

"It's okay Nate" Blair said. "Don't worry about saying something we might take the wrong way. We're just going to have to learn to live with it."

"Miss Blair!" Dorota's voice came from the bedroom. "How do you want old clothes organized? Same as before or new way?"

Blair got up to go instruct Dorota, slaloming past the hotel workers who were carrying up suitcases full of her clothes and other hotel employees who were moving around furniture and the occasional knickknack she had relocated.

"I should go help her out" Chuck said and gave Nate a pat on the leg before getting up. "And you should go do something for yourself. You've really been a big help these past days man, I appreciate it."

"Anytime" Nate smiled. "I'm sorry I wasn't before."

Chuck nodded and walked to his bedroom.

* * *

Serena eagerly walked inside the church, looking around to try and spot Blair. There weren't a lot of people present, just the closest friends and family, but the parents of the baby they were there for were nowhere to be seen.

"Serena slow down" Lily said, walking in after her. "I had no idea you were such an eager attendee of these sad events."

Serena didn't bother answering. She was dressed in her finest, and had even gone for a bit of modesty with her cleavage, and she was fully ready to show Blair, and Chuck for that matter, just how much she was there for them.

Though she couldn't help but think that having a memorial service for a stillborn child was a little over the top. This was undoubtedly Blair's idea and while Serena completely understood that her best friend needed to say a proper goodbye to the baby she couldn't quite see why it had to be done at such a formal event, with lots of other people present. A more intimate gathering of only the closest friends and family seemed like it would have been a better choice.

But at least she would finally get a chance to speak with Blair and offer her condolences. So long as she steered clear of mentioning the baby's name she would probably do fine. It had taken all of Serena's strength not to roll her eyes when Eric had told her the little boy, who would apparently also be baptized before burial, had been named Royal by his parents. The name was stupid, but it was definitely the kind of name Blair Waldorf would give her child.

Finally she spotted Blair, accompanied by her father and Roman, walking out from the sacristy. She looked worn and haggard, paler than Serena had ever seen her before. The black dress she wore helped hide her body which still looked like it was carrying a baby, albeit a smaller one than before. She wore a black hat with a little net that covered her eyes and her dark hair fell straight down her shoulders. She looked small, and Serena wanted to walk over to her and give her a hug.

Then she saw Blair's boyfriend and she stayed put. He was walking behind Blair, looking grim and sullen and obviously still in full-on protective mode. But what really caught Serena's eye was the person walking next to Chuck. She had no idea Nate was back. By now there was no good reason why he wouldn't have gotten her messages and returned her calls if he wished to talk to her.

Filled with conflicting emotions Serena ended up standing still on the spot until her mother ushered her along to take a seat. Throughout the brief baptize/memorial service Serena kept glancing over at Blair and at Nate.

She felt a sting of jealousy halfway through the service. Why did Nate get to sit up there with Blair and Chuck while Serena sat two rows behind? She should be up there with them, the four of them together. It felt wrong not to be with them, as a unit.

Once the service was over they slowly walked out into the sunny January day. Serena saw Blair speaking to her mother and the priest, and then Chuck came and put his arm around her and walked with her to the waiting limo.

Serena sighed, sad that she hadn't gotten the chance to speak with her yet, and followed Eric and her mother towards their own waiting limo. She caught a glimpse of Nate getting into a car further down on the driveway.

"You look gloomy Serena" Lily noted as their car began to drive away.

"Yeah. It was kind of a funeral" Eric pointed out to his mother with sarcasm. "For our nephew no less."

"Is that really why you're sporting the long face?" Lily asked her daughter.

"I can't believe I didn't get to talk to her" Serena complained. "I couldn't even get near her."

"So try at her mother's" Lily shrugged. "At some point between cucumber sandwiches and people drinking alcohol in the middle of the day you should be able to get a word with her."

Serena nodded and looked out the window. Getting a moment alone with Blair at the reception would probably not be easy but she had to at least try.

* * *

Blair sat alone on her bed. She needed a moment away from the small crowd gathered downstairs. There weren't a lot of people there, just her parents and stepparents, Chuck's adoptive family, Dorota and her family, Nate and his mother, and about five other people. But for once Blair didn't feel like being the center of everyone's attention. She could feel the way they looked at her when they thought she couldn't see them. It was almost as bad as the way they looked at her when they spoke with her. All that pity and all that compassion made her chest tighten and she didn't want to lose her composure. Especially since she wondered how many of them really sympathized with her and how many thought she was taking this whole dead baby thing a bit too seriously. After all, Roy had died before even being born. She knew there were a lot of people who didn't consider that to be this monumental a loss. People who hadn't experienced it for themselves.

The door opened and she felt a touch of relief, expecting Chuck to be the one who had come to find her. When she heard heels against her floor she looked up, surprised to see Serena standing there instead.

"Hey…" Serena said softly. "Here you are."

"Hey S" Blair said emotionless.

Serena walked closer, stopping a few feet away.

"Blair I…"

"What?" Blair asked. "You don't know what to say? It's alright Serena. Nobody does. Either they think I'm going to crack if they say the wrong thing, or they think I'm a huge drama queen for acting this way over what they think was just your ordinary _miscarriage_. Like miscarriages and stillbirths are nothing."

"What happened?" Serena asked gently, taking a seat next to Blair, reaching for her hand.

"I don't know. I honestly don't know what went wrong. I was lying on the bed reading Vogue when all of a sudden I felt this really sharp pain. I got up to get my pregnancy book and see if you can get false labor as early as week twenty-seven and I felt, and saw, that I was bleeding."

"Oh B…" Serena said softly.

"I just… freaked. I called Chuck and God knows what I really said to him, it probably didn't make much coherent sense. He hurried back home of course and I called my doctor but it was already too late."

"It just died? Like that?"

"_He_" Blair corrected.

"He."

"All they could do at the hospital was establish that the baby had died. I had stopped bleeding at this point but it didn't really matter."

"So… I mean, was the baby still…"

"I was in labor. I had to give birth to him. I wanted a c-section but to make a long story short I had to give birth the old fashioned way. Chuck ordered them to shoot me up with so much drugs I wouldn't be able to feel a thing but the damn doctor who was working that day said I needed to be present and experience the birth so that I could then deal with it and move on. So Chuck went into his most threatening me-Chuck-Bass-you-soon-dead mode and then quickly found a doctor who had no problem whatsoever drugging me up."

"Was it horrible?" Serena asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Honestly I didn't feel much of anything after that. Physically or emotionally. I just… disconnected. When he finally came I didn't want to look at him. Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to birth a child and never hear it scream?"

Serena looked down and squeezed Blair's hand harder. She couldn't help but think of the kind of thoughts that had been on her mind the night of the Bass Industries party. Spiteful thoughts about her best friend who had just been through something Serena couldn't even imagine.

"Chuck held him. And told me it was a boy. They insisted that I should hold him too, to say my goodbyes, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. On one hand I wasn't sure I would ever be able to let go. On the other, the very idea of holding my dead son made my stomach turn. Chuck got me to touch him at least, to caress his tiny little cheek. Though I can't really remember what he looked like. Only that he had this fair hair over his whole body, apparently preemies often have that. I look back now and I feel bad that he never got to be held by his mother. Then I call myself a fool since what would it matter to him if I held him after he was already gone? I carried him for seven months while he was alive and that should matter more."

Serena nodded.

"I'm really glad you told me all this" she said. "B I've been feeling absolutely terrible ever since I found out. I wanted to come see you but Chuck wouldn't let me."

"That was for the best S" Blair said. "Honestly you were one of the last people I wanted to see. All I wanted was to have my baby back and I couldn't bear having to sort through all our drama at that point."

"I wouldn't have expected you to do that" Serena said, shaking her head. "I just wanted to be there for you."

"Thanks for coming today at least" Blair said, a hint of a smile on her face.

"Of course I came. You are my best friend and he… is my nephew."

"Was…" Blair said sadly and looked down on her hands.

"It will all be okay B" Serena said, gently stroking her cheek.

"Just promise me something S" Blair sighed.

"Sure, anything."

"Promise me you won't start talking about how I need to move on and stop grieving, even if I'm still moping around a year from today. I know you want to be there for me but I also know how you really felt about the pregnancy and I know that after a while you might think it's time for me to move on."

"I think I've learned my lesson" Serena said. "That I don't know what you're going through and I should try not to judge you. After all, we are the _Non_-Judging Breakfast Club, aren't we?"

"Yes" Blair said, almost with a smile.

"You know…" Serena said, looking down at her hands. "The things I said… The way I acted… I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I didn't actually think and feel much of what I said to you. But being perfectly honest, part of it was… jealousy. Not because I wanted to be pregnant too, but because it's really weird seeing your best friend move forward in life while you're standing still. Knowing that everything is going to change, and that your days of being carefree youths at play together would… I mean, on some level it just felt like being left behind. You know?"

"Did you and Nate really think so little of Chuck and me that you believed our friendships would essentially be over because a baby came into the picture?" Blair asked softly.

"I think most people feel a bit jealous and left behind when their best friends have kids, I mean at least most people who aren't anywhere near getting that for themselves" Serena said. "And part of it is being jealous of the baby, not the friend having the baby. You know, since the baby becomes the center of your world and redefines your life. But I was also jealous of you. I don't want to have children now, but at some point I do… Who knows if I'll ever get it, you know? I don't even have a boyfriend. But your first child was on its way. In some ways it just felt a bit bitter. Even if I wouldn't want the circumstances around your pregnancy, at least you seemed to have a shot at that happy family life we used to fantasize about when we were younger."

"Instead I have a funeral for my son who died before he even took his first breath" Blair said sadly.

"I never wished this on you" Serena said. "Even when I was the most convinced that everything would go to hell I _never_ wished that you would lose the baby."

"I know."

"I was horrified when I heard what had happened" Serena said. "I felt really, really bad for the things I had said and done."

"I kind of hated you" Blair said. "But to be honest I didn't think that much about you. The other stuff was…"

"I know."

"And if we're being honest here, I know I was kind of a bitch as well for a while. Or at least, not always entirely pleasant."

"I forgive you" Serena said with a little laugh.

"We forgive each other then" Blair said. "I can't be fighting with you on top of everything else. And I know that you're sorry."

Serena smiled at her, feeling much better now that she had at least begun to mend one broken relationship. Then she couldn't keep a straight face and she had to chuckle.

"Royal?" she said. "Seriously?"

"What?" Blair said.

Her voice was defensive, but her demeanor revealed that she wasn't upset. It was just playful banter.

"_Royal_" Serena echoed and laughed a little. "Royal Bass?"

"Royal happens to be a perfectly appropriate name" Blair said, sticking her chin in the air. "In fact, neither Chuck nor I could think of one that suited our son better."

"I'm sure you couldn't" Serena chuckled. "If normal parents think their child is better than all the rest the two of you are bound to put yours on an even higher pedestal."

"Like I said, it's a perfectly appropriate name."

"Name _one_ other person named _Royal_" Serena challenged.

"Almanzo Wilder's brother."

"Who?"

"Almanzo Wilder's brother. Haven't you read '_the Little House on the Prairie_'?"

"I don't remember anybody named Royal Wilder on that show" Serena argued.

"I said _read_" Blair said, rolling her eyes. "You know, books, those things that have lots of paper filled with letters and hardly ever any pictures? '_Little House on the Prairie_' was a whole series of books."

"Okay" Serena shrugged.

"It is so sad when books turn into TV and nobody remembers the books anymore" Blair said and shook her head.

"Well I promise I will read them" Serena smiled. "For you. And for Royal."

"Go right ahead, but I have a feeling you won't get past the book actually titled '_the Little House on the Prairie_', and Royal Wilder appears later on in the series" Blair said.

"I will read all of them" Serena promised. "In my nephew's honor."

Blair smiled faintly and Serena reached forward and pulled her into a big hug. Both girls hugged each other tight, relieved that their fight had ended and things were getting back to normal between them. As normal as anything could be at this point.

* * *

"Wow" Serena remarked a week later as she walked into the Empire suite together with Blair. "Things look back to normal here."

"And there was much rejoicing!" Nate declared from the chair he was sitting in.

"I will never hear the end of the whole nesting thing, will I?" Blair sighed with rolling eyes as she left Serena's side and went to sit down on the couch.

"No probably not" Chuck said with a little laugh, running a hand through her dark curls. "At least not for a good while yet."

Serena smiled and leaned against the pool table. This was nice. Incredibly nice. Being friends with Blair again, seeing Blair and Chuck both starting to act like their old selves, all four of them together again. Life starting to get back to the way Serena was used to it being.

"What have you girls been up to?" Chuck asked.

"Serena took me shopping" Blair said. "Even though I'm not back to my regular size yet so I don't know what the whole purpose was. I ended up buying a scarf and a pair of black leather gloves."

"She was unbelievably disappointing" Serena said with a sigh.

"Hey have you guys had lunch yet?" Blair asked Chuck and Nate.

"I had a cookie about an hour ago" Nate said with a shrug.

"Wow, you're all full then" Blair said dryly.

"We haven't eaten either" Serena said. "How about we go out and get something? At that Chinese place we used to go to last year?"

"That sounds lovely" Blair said, leaning her head on Chuck's shoulder. "Except for the part that involves leaving the hotel."

"If only there was such a thing as take-out" Serena said.

"Then be a good little girl sis and run out and bring us our food" Chuck said.

"What, by myself? I can't carry four people's lunch all by myself!"

"But you can carry seven shopping bags without breaking a sweat" Chuck pointed out dryly.

"Come on, somebody has to come with me."

"I already told you that I won't go" Blair said. "You'll have to persuade one of the guys to go with you."

"I'm not getting up from this couch either" Chuck said. "Nathaniel that only leaves you. Think that cookie provided enough energy to sustain you through an excursion to get us all greasy Chinese food?"

"Like I have a choice" Nate sighed, getting up. "What do you guys want?"

"Anything is fine with me" Chuck shrugged.

"I want something with chicken" Blair said. "Other than that, feel free to surprise me. Oh, but also, get some deep fried fish!"

"Chicken and deep fried fish… The most natural combination known to man" Serena commented, turning to head back out.

Nate followed in her footsteps, grabbing his coat while they waited for the elevator. Serena tried to hide her smile. At least now she and Nate would get some time alone to talk.

"There goes Support System" Chuck said with a relieved sigh once they had left. "I know they mean well and all, but this overcompensating for previously lacking friendship is getting a touch…"

"Much?" Blair suggested. "I know. I mean, it's great that they want to be there for us, but sometimes I wonder if they're doing it partly just to get to be around each other more. I swear, sometimes it's like it slips Serena's mind that I'm feeling like crap. Or maybe she's just trying to take my mind off it, I don't know."

"Let's be honest, their attention spans aren't always the best" Chuck said.

"Yeah, tell me about it. I half expect them to stop what they're saying at any given moment and yell: '_Squirrel_'!"

Chuck nodded and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Then he heard her stomach growling. Lunch did indeed seem like a good idea.

* * *

Forty minutes later Nate and Serena walked into the Empire lobby, carrying bags of Chinese food. Some of the guests gave them funny looks but the hotel staff didn't react. They were used to seeing the boss and his friends bring all sorts of food through the door, even though they could just as easily just order room-service.

"So how was Christmas?" Serena asked while they waited for the elevator.

"It was good" Nate said. "Dropped my phone in the pool, and I really wished my mom could have been there, but other than that it was nice and sunny."

Serena nodded. For a split second she felt excited to hear what had happened to his phone. It explained why he hadn't called her back. The excitement quickly went away. Why hadn't he just bought a new phone? They had phones on St. Bart's, didn't they? Even if they didn't, why hadn't he gotten in touch with her when he had gotten back?

Silence fell between them again as they stepped on to the elevator. They had been engaging in stiff, polite small talk the entire time they had been out buying food and Serena would be damned if their first real encounter this year continued like this. Romantic feelings or not, they were still friends at the start, weren't they?

"So you… didn't get my messages while you were away?" she asked, determined to get some answers or explanations out of him.

"No I got them when I got back."

"Thanks for returning them by the way."

"Yeah, sorry. I had other things on my mind."

"What things?" she asked, suddenly a bit jealous.

"Finding out what happened to Royal?" Nate suggested as if she was a complete moron. "I didn't have time to worry about your messages, plus, so long as Blair was still at the Empire I didn't want her to overhear me talking to _you_ on the phone. I wasn't sure how she'd react."

Serena groaned. Great. Nate had ignored her in favor of Chuck. That sounded like a shallow excuse. Would it really have been that impossible for him to take a ten minute walk and call her?

"But if you want to talk about the things you… alluded to in your messages" Nate began.

She shot him a look. Was he crazy? They were almost back up at the penthouse and now he wanted to talk about _them_?

"I just don't think it's a good idea right now" he said bluntly.

"I'll say, it's the type of conversation better suited for some time when we're not ten seconds away from being back with our best friends."

"No" he said, shaking his head. "Us trying to find some common ground again. That's what's not such a good idea."

"Seriously?" she said. "Nate you're the one who's been saying we shouldn't have broken it off in the first place."

"I feel differently now" Nate shrugged. "I'm tired of waiting. And for once in my life I'm single and enjoying it. I have no rush to get back into a new relationship."

Serena stared at him. Was he kidding? These were basically her arguments from earlier that fall that he was throwing back at her.

"Let's just try to be friends right now" he continued. "And not rock the boat and risk things becoming awkward. I think the last thing our foursome needs right now is that. Blair finally seems to be doing better, and Chuck is coping. Let's stay friends all four of us and not bring any more drama into the circle."

Before she could answer the elevator doors opened. They stepped inside and began to take off their coats.

"Food is here!" Nate called out. "Courtesy of China and my American Express card."

Serena picked up the food bag she had been carrying and did her best to ignore Nate. Luckily that became easy when they heard Blair sniffle. She hurried over to the couch with Nate two steps behind her.

"What's wrong?" Serena asked. "What happened?"

Blair, who had been perfectly fine when they left, was now in tears. Chuck looked up at them and made a face.

"Seriously, what happened?" Serena asked again. "You were in good spirits when we left, why are you crying?"

"The whole sadness thing kind of comes and goes" Chuck said.

"We brought food" Nate offered weakly, holding up a bag.

"I don't think she's interested in food right now Nate" Serena said dryly.

"No that's alright" Blair said.

She tried wiping her tears and grabbed the bag Serena had put down on the coffee table. She looked through it and then groaned.

"Where's the deep fried fish?"

"I've got it" Nate said, utterly confused. "Are… you okay there Blair?"

"No" she said. "I need comfort food. _Now_ Archibald!"

Moving at the speed of light Nate opened his bag and searched until he found her fish. She grabbed the paper tub without waiting for the chopsticks and began chewing on a deep fried filet between her sobs. Chuck gently rubbed her back with one hand while reaching for the food Serena handed him with the other.

"Sorry lunch won't turn out too pleasant" he sighed, looking about as downbeat as Blair was. "Feel free to dump us for more entertaining company."

"Like who, the piccolo downstairs?" Nate scoffed, taking a bite from his food.

"I just don't get it, what made you so sad all of a sudden?" Serena asked.

"All of a sudden? You were gone for forty-five minutes" Blair pointed out between bites and sobs.

"Okay… Question remains the same."

"We were just talking about everything that's happened" Blair said, looking down at her fish. "Hey did you get me something with chicken too?"

Nate nodded and handed her another tub.

"You sure you don't want chopsticks?" he asked.

"Sure, hand them to me."

She put the fish down on the table and opened the tub of chicken, poking around with her chopsticks for a moment before she said anything else.

"No matter how hard we try we can't seem to figure out what went wrong."

"You have got to stop this" Nate said. "You can't keep doing this to yourselves Blair."

"I'm with Nate actually" Chuck said. "I doubt it's anything we did. He was just sick only we didn't know it."

"It's easy for you to hand-wave it" Blair complained, wiping tears from her cheeks to prevent them from falling into her food. "If it was because of something we did you know it was because of something _I_ did."

"Not necessarily" Nate argued, taking a seat. "It could have easily been Chuck."

"Thank you Nathaniel" Chuck said with a death glare.

"What could Chuck possibly have done?" Blair scoffed. "Shot me up with drugs while I was sleeping?"

"Well…" Nate said, trying to think of something.

"See? You can't think of anything."

"You guys did continue to have lots of sex" Nate pointed out. "And how I know that is between me and my therapist. Maybe all that rolling around in the sack, all that… poking about… was… you know… not so good for the baby?"

"It flatters me that you think I outsize John Holmes" Chuck remarked dryly. "Try to let your head be more than just a hat rack, Nathaniel."

"I don't know what caused it all to happen" Serena said. "But I do know one thing. If it _had_ been something you guys did then the doctors would have told you so."

"Not unless they never knew I did it" Blair said. "If I did something I wasn't even aware could harm the baby then how would Dr. Saunders know about it?"

"If you did something without knowing it could harm the fry then you can hardly blame yourself for it" Nate argued, shoving food into his mouth.

"Maybe we should just talk about something else…" Blair sighed and reached for her fish again.

Nate and Serena both nodded. They observed their best friends as tears continued to fall down Blair's face and Chuck continued to rub her back. Both Nate and Serena were beginning to realize that this was going to take much longer than they had believed just an hour ago. Neither Blair nor Chuck would truly be back to their old selves anytime soon. If they ever would be.

* * *

Blair rolled over on her back. It was the umpteenth time she had changed her position since they had gone to bed. She just couldn't find a comfortable position. Most of all she longed to lie on her stomach but it felt too strange just yet.

Thoughts kept flying through her head as the minutes passed and turned into hours. She knew her parents would have to go back to France on Sunday and they had asked her to come with them. It was alluring, but Chuck probably wouldn't want to go. She didn't like the thought of being away from him for too long. Not right now. She was still concerned that they might end up falling apart, even though everything between them since Royal's death had pointed to the opposite.

There was another issue she needed to address, but she was very reluctant to even touch the subject. Ever since October she had been completely sure of what she would be doing during the next year or so but now she didn't have a clue. She knew she had to figure something out, the sooner the better, but whenever she tried thinking about it all she could think of was what she was supposed to have been doing this year. Being a mother to her infant son.

Finally she couldn't take it anymore. She was driving herself crazy and needed some distraction. She rolled over and gave Chuck a push.

"Chuck?"

"Mm-hm?" he mumbled in his sleep.

"Chuck wake up."

Reluctantly he opened one eye.

"Sleeping" he mumbled.

"Well I can't."

"Mm-hm…"

"Bass!" she whined in a louder tone.

Reluctantly he opened both eyes and sighed as he rolled over from his stomach to his back. With one hand he motioned for her to move closer.

"Come here."

She scooted closer and curled up into his embrace. His arm rested around her and she smiled slightly. Just as she was about to start talking she noticed that he was drifting off to sleep again. She frowned.

"Chuck I'm serious!"

"You want one of my sleeping pills?" he asked, eyes still closed.

"Why do you have sleeping pills?" she asked back.

"Came in handy when we were broken up. I had some… sleep issues."

"You just want me to take one now so _you_ can fall back asleep" she accused.

"'I'm confused" he said, opening one eye to look at her. "I thought falling asleep was what you wanted."

"I'm too on edge to sleep" she pouted.

"Blair, honey…" he said.

She lifted her head up. Honey? Since when did Chuck use endearments like that when they weren't having sex?

"You've got to start letting this go" he said, both eyes now closed again. "The pain can never get easier if you never let yourself stop thinking about everything around it."

"I didn't realize there was an off switch for that sort of thing" she said sullenly, laying her head back down. "Maybe you could tell me where to find it, since you so obviously found yours almost immediately."

His eyes snapped open.

"That was so unfair" he said.

"Chuck…"

"For God's sake Blair. You know what this is doing to me; you know better than anyone what this is doing to me. You and Nate are the only ones who really know. Don't you dare accuse me of not caring or thinking about it or… or grieving."

"I'm sorry" she said.

He didn't reply. He was awake now, fighting the desire to push her away from him. He was struggling and only she and Nate really knew it, and it hurt him that she would accuse him of not caring when she knew better. Even if she only accused him for a second and didn't actually mean it. He was hurting enough as it was without her making it any worse.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered and kissed his collarbone. "I didn't mean it. My love, I'm so sorry…"

He nodded slightly and let his fingers run through her hair, a sign that it was okay. She moved to get even closer, wrapping an arm across his chest. Slowly he ran his fingers through her hair, every now and then stopping to massage her scalp for a moment. On most nights this tender attention would lull her to sleep within minutes. Tonight she still didn't feel like she could relax. She needed something more.

She lifted herself up and looked down at him. He looked back at her, confused. She then leaned down and pressed her lips hard against his.

"Chuck…"

He studied her intently, trying to read her mind. Her lips found his again and before he knew it her hands were all over him, working their way inside his pajamas.

"Blair?" he managed to mumble between her kisses.

"Chuck I need you" she said. "I need to feel you. I need to know that I haven't lost you, that at least you are still here."

"Don't be absurd, of course I'm here."

"I need to feel you" she repeated, kissing him hungrily.

"But…" he said as his desire grew. "Can you have sex? It's only been a couple of weeks."

"It's too soon for sex" she confirmed. "But I still need you Bass. I need you to kiss me and hold me and touch me. Like we did that week when we dated after your father's wedding. Do you remember? Kisses, caresses, but no actual sex."

He nodded against her mouth. He most definitely remembered; it had been one of the most frustrating weeks of his life. But he had been the one to suggest it to begin with. Taking it slow had been the idea. Yeah, he sure got what he wished for. It had been another twelve months until they had finally been together for real.

Firmly he rolled her over on her back, assaulting her with his lips and hands while she reciprocated. After a minute she rolled them both over on their sides, her hands ceasing their feverish caresses to nest in his hair. Sensing the change in her mood he let his hands slow down as well, wrapping them around her to hold her close. He lifted his right hand to her face and gently caressed her cheek as their kisses turned from passionate and feverish to tender and loving.

They stayed like that for a long time. Holding each other near, kissing softly, at first only pausing for air but by and by they stopped kissing with their tongues and settled into sweet, short, gentle kisses. Both felt reassured by the other, and in spite of everything that had happened they felt closer than ever. For the first time in almost a year Blair begin to truly believe, both on her fantasy level and on a realistic level, that she and Chuck would be able to make it.

With or without their baby.

Right?

* * *

And that's all for today! I'll try to update soon. Thanks for reading, please review.


	11. Chapter 11

This is the final chapter of this story (though an epilogue will follow). Set about two months after the previous chapter, and with a bit of a 180 on Blair's part, which I hope will make sense. If it doesn't, yell at me in your review and I'll try to elaborate in my reply ;)

I don't really have much more to add other than that. Hope you'll enjoy the last chapter!

* * *

"Chuck?"

Nate paused for a second to see if he would get an answer. None came, so he walked inside while going through his mail. But when he turned around and cast a glance at the glass wall separating Chuck's bedroom from the living room he could see someone lying on the bed and it didn't look like it could be Blair.

"Dude?" Nate said, opening Chuck's bedroom door.

"What?" Chuck asked. He was lying on the bed, his right forearm covering his eyes.

"Why didn't you answer me before?" Nate asked. "What are you doing?"

"Is it possible that I have lost my mind completely?" Chuck asked with a sigh.

"Uh, yeah" Nate said. "You sold Blair for a hotel last year."

"Not what I was referring to, but thanks for bringing that lovely memory back."

"What's up?"

Chuck moved his forearm from his eyes and began to rub them to get rid of the blurry vision.

"Just the stupidest thing…" he said. "I was bored and I was looking at live surveillance. There was this couple who checked in and they had an infant in a pram."

Nate nodded.

"I'm not supposed to react this way" Chuck said. "I mean… I've seen a lot of babies since ours died and it's often been fine. But today it was like…"

"Look it will get easier" Nate said, walking into the room and getting up on Blair's side of the bed to have a seat.

"I hope so."

"Is Blair still..?"

"One hundred percent."

Starting about a week after the baby's funeral Blair had gone into deep denial mode, pretending that she wasn't sad and that everything was normal. Nobody had seen her cry since January, nor had anyone seen her seem upset even. It was now early March and she had been acting this way for over a month.

"She still doesn't talk about it at all?" Nate asked. "Never talks about _him_?"

"No" Chuck said. "I get that she wants to forget, because it hurts. _I_ want to forget. But the thing is with your children, you can't run from it. You can't run from it once they are on their way and you most certainly can't run from it if they die."

"You know Blair" Nate said. "She either faces something head on or she goes into denial."

"And currently she's Cleopatra on that damn river in Egypt."

"Yeah."

"The oddity of it all is the reversal of our roles" Chuck said. "She was the one who accepted that we were having a baby from the very first day; I was the one who couldn't come to terms with the idea of becoming a father, I tried to ignore reality and my child for as long as I could. Now she refuses to acknowledge what we've lost while I deal with reality."

Nate nodded. He had had front row seats to Chuck's grief over the past weeks and he knew his best friend was having a very hard time dealing with the death of his son. Meanwhile Blair barely seemed phased at all anymore, which Nate knew was just a façade. Her refusal to acknowledge her baby's death was beginning to become a problem, since they all knew that sooner or later she needed to deal with it, and the longer she postponed it the worse it would get. And frankly it scared Nate when Blair acted this calm over something she ought to be in pieces over, since when the inevitable breakdown came it wouldn't be pretty.

"What are you going to do?" Nate asked.

"Damned if I know" Chuck sighed. "I've got enough to deal with when it comes to my own grief. I don't know if I have the strength right now to put it all aside and just try and jolt her."

"Why should you put it aside?" Nate asked. "You should be dealing with this together. You and I both know you need to go through this _with_ Blair, and that she needs you too."

"You don't think I'm crazy for having such a strong reaction to losing a child that hadn't even been born yet?"

"Was he any less your son because he hadn't been born?"

"No…" Chuck sat up. "My father's right though. I've really gone soft."

"Grieving for your dead baby is not being soft" Nate said. "It's being human."

"I think to my father those two were synonymous."

Nate didn't know what else to say. He settled for just sitting there, for as long as Chuck wanted company.

* * *

Blair woke up with a slight headache, the kind that always followed with having slept for too long. Since January she had been sleeping until very late in the morning every day, except for when someone had forced her up for some reason or other. But today was Friday and both Chuck and Nate were out, so no one had disturbed her sleep.

She yawned and stretched before lazily getting out of bed and heading to the shower. Once her hair was meticulously blow-dried and styled she carefully applied her makeup to match with the outfit she had chosen for the day. Pleased with her perfect appearance she smiled at herself in the mirror and then walked out to get some breakfast.

Two vases with flowers stood on the large dining table at the far end of the living room. She assumed one of them was for her, since it consisted of pink peonies, but who the white and yellow roses were for was anyone's guess. She wasn't particularly curious so she ignored them.

After breakfast Blair decided to head out for some proper pampering. She had only just sat down for her mani-pedi when her phone rang. She reached over to her new Fendi bag and grabbed her phone with her so far un-manicured fingers.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Blair, it's me" Serena's voice came on the other end.

"Oh hi S."

"Hey. I'm just calling to see how you're doing."

"Quite good" Blair chirped. "I'm getting a pedicure right now, and after the manicure I'm thinking a full body massage."

"That's good" Serena said. "You should pamper yourself today."

"I should pamper myself every day" Blair argued.

"So you're doing okay?"

"Yes" Blair said, starting to get confused. "Why would I not be?"

"Okay, well… You know where to find me if you need anything."

"Uh, okay" Blair said. "Bye now."

She hung up and gave her phone a funny look. What was that all about? It had been a couple of weeks since Serena last tried to bum her out by being all compassionate and understanding about her plight. Blair had no intention of being bummed out or in grief. She was feeling fabulous and intended to keep that feeling.

Once her massage was done and she had gotten dressed again she picked up her phone and noticed she had three missed calls. One from Dorota and two from her mother. Her mother? That was immediate cause for concern. Eleanor wasn't usually the type to call more than once even if she couldn't get a hold of her daughter.

Blair quickly dialed her mother's number and was surprised to hear her answer almost immediately.

"Blair!" Eleanor's voice cried.

"Mother?" Blair replied.

"I've been trying to reach you. Have you had lunch yet?"

"No" Blair said, casting a glance at the clock on the wall which told her it was an hour past noon.

"Fabulous, then you will meet me at your favorite Greek place in fifteen minutes."

"Fifteen minutes?" Blair echoed. "You're _teleporting_ in from France?"

"Darling I'm in New York."

"What?" Blair echoed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now" Eleanor said in her typical casual fashion. "See you in fifteen, darling."

"Wait, slow down Mother. What's wrong, why are you on a surprise visit? What is it you feel you need to tell me over Greek food?"

"Nothing" Eleanor claimed. "I just wanted to spend some time with my daughter. It's a difficult time for you right now."

"I'm fine."

"Don't' be silly. Now stop chattering and get moving."

"But-"

Before she could say anything else her mother had hung up. Shaking her head Blair hurried back out on the street, giving Dorota a call while she tried to wave a cab. Had the entire universe gone crazy over night?

* * *

When Blair finally got back to the Empire she felt exhausted. Eleanor had been in some weird pampering mood and after an extensive lunch she had taken Blair out for a shopping spree. While they were out she had gotten texts from both Nate, Eric and Vanya and a call from Lily. What was with everyone?

She walked into the bedroom and threw herself down on the bed. She glanced around the room and her eyes landed on the calendar. She had bought it in December and had crossed off each day, counting down to the day when Royal would be born. The year had not been old before the countdown had stopped.

She got up and walked over to the calendar. She hadn't cast a glance in it since Roy's death but Chuck had turned the page on the first of every month. She would have gladly tossed it in the trash but if he wanted to keep it then she couldn't bother protesting.

At first she only took a quick glance at it before shrugging a shoulder and turning to go back to bed. Then she stopped, turned around and walked back to it.

March 11th was circled with a purple pen. She had circled it the same day she had bought it. By now she had lost all track of which date it was, the days blurring together to the point where she was only aware of which day of the week it was because Chuck would moan about Mondays, gripe about Tuesdays and drag her down to Gimlet for a drink on Wednesdays and Fridays. Today was Friday. March eleventh was a Friday. The reason for everyone's attention to her today became all too clear.

She swallowed hard. So what? So what if today was the expected due date for her baby? The baby had already been born, two months too soon and far too dead. Even if he had lived this was just an _expected_ due date. Dr. Saunders had told her that only about five percent of babies arrived on the expected due date. This day was no more special than any other day of the month, or the year.

But no matter how hard she tried the uneasy feeling in her gut wouldn't go away. Just like it had refused to go away when she had broken up with Chuck and wanted nothing more than to delude herself into believing everything was fine. She was afraid of acknowledging that feeling in her gut. She slowly went back to the bed and lay down to take a nap and force her mind to be stronger than her emotions.

She woke up later that day when Chuck came home. He walked into the bedroom and stopped by the dresser to replace his bowtie with a tie. He glanced over at her as she sat up reluctantly.

"Hey" she said.

"Hey" he replied, barely audibly.

"My mother's in town. Wants to take us out to dinner."

"I know. I talked to Eleanor. I told her we'll join her and Lily at the restaurant, but we have someplace we need to go first."

"God, what is with everyone?" Blair sighed. "Today is just an ordinary day."

"No it's not" Chuck argued, focusing on putting on his tie rather than looking at her.

"It is Chuck."

"March eleventh doesn't feel at all special to you?" he asked in a dejected tone.

"The baby came in January. This date was just an estimate anyway. I don't want to go out to dinner with our mothers, I don't want to make a big deal out of it, I just want to have a normal Friday night. Drinks at Gimlet, maybe watch a movie?"

"You are doing this for me Blair" Chuck said, striding over to the bed and grabbing her by the arm. He pulled her to her feet despite her protests. "You are coming with me. Now go change into something more appropriate."

"You mean something in black?" she snorted.

He walked over to the closet and after a quick scan grabbed a black Prada dress. He tossed it to her and she caught it on a reflex.

"This will do" he said in a tone which didn't invite objections. "Go put it on and then we're leaving."

Figuring it would be easier to oblige than to protest she got up and slipped out of her skirt and blouse, changing into the dress in front of him. He had taken a seat on the edge of the bed and waited without a word until she was done. Then he got up and took her hand.

"Come on. Arthur is waiting with the limo downstairs. And we're going to need these."

He walked over to the table and picked up the bouquet of roses. He then ushered her out the door, ignoring her protests that she didn't need to be treated like a child. She hated the fact that he seemed hell-bent on leaving the penthouse when she wanted to do nothing more than stay in and ignore the world around her.

"Mind telling me where we're going?" she asked sullenly as the elevator doors closed.

"You know where we're going."

* * *

"I don't want to be here."

She crossed her arms over her chest and shuddered, though not because of the fact that it was cold and windy. She really didn't want to be here. What was the point? Nothing could change the way things had turned out; this was a situation that could never be made better by saying the right words, doing the right things or just letting time help heal the wound. So why come here and wallow in misery?

"Maybe you don't" Chuck said. "But I _need_ to be here. And I need you to be here with me. Isn't it about time we stopped doing things alone and started doing them together? I let you handle the first months of the pregnancy alone-"

"Chuck stop it. Don't go there."

"And now you're letting me handle our baby's death alone. When the whole point is for you and I to do things _together_. Have you forgotten everything we talked about the days after Royal died? We said we would handle it together, that we were going to be a _we_. And for the first couple of weeks we were doing it together. I'm not sure what changed, but I do know this. We can't survive this as a couple if we grieve apart from each other."

He wrapped an arm around her waist and handed her the bouquet before guiding her to the gravesite where his father and their son rested. The baby's grave didn't have a gravestone yet, it wouldn't arrive for another couple of months, but Chuck didn't need one to tell him which was the right grave. He knew it far too well regardless.

Blair's mouth felt completely dry as they stopped by the two graves. It sickened her to see it. Such a tiny grave, not even the length of a forearm, right next to the much larger grave of the child's grandfather. There shouldn't be graves that small.

Chuck's arm left her waist as he kneeled down and let his fingers graze the soil on the grave. Blair watched without a word, trying with all her might not to be affected. Why did he have to do this to her? Why did he have to bring her to their baby's burial place?

He looked up at her, and then glanced at the flowers he had given her to hold. She realized he wanted her to put them down on the grave and her own eyes trailed to the roses in her hand. White and red, the colors of love, innocence and purity. She noticed that there was a card, tied to the bouquet with a black satin string. Automatically she reached up her other hand and moved the card so she could read what it said.

"_Happy 'birthday'_" it said, quotation marks around the word '_birthday_' as this wasn't and would never be their son's date of birth. Chuck had then drawn a heart and signed it "_Mommy and Daddy._"

Blair's hand flew up to her mouth as she let out an audible sob. Chuck watched her from his spot on the ground but didn't make a move. She took a deep trembling breath and pulled herself together, drawing all her strength to keep her composure while she demanded herself not to be affected. She had somehow survived the past two months, and she had done it by ignoring her pain. If she acknowledged it again she wasn't sure she would be able to handle it.

Chuck slowly rose and put a hand on her arm.

"Blair…"

She realized she had lost. She couldn't ignore her pain any longer, couldn't ignore her loss. Standing by her little boy's grave on the day he was meant to be born made it impossible to pretend that everything was fine. She hated Chuck for bringing her here, where it was impossible to escape her pain.

Once she opened the floodgates she stopped caring about trying to keep them closed. It would be a lost cause anyway. She knelt down by the grave and kissed the bouquet before placing it on her son's grave.

"I'm sorry" she said.

Chuck had no idea what she was apologizing for. If it was for trying to ignore their loss, or for not being able to carry the baby to term, or for something else entirely. He stood there for a minute before reaching down to grab her by her arms and gently pull her back up to her feet. Now she was reluctant, she didn't seem to want to leave, but he knew she ought to. He was relieved that her nonchalance had cracked but there were better places for mourning than out at a cemetery on a cold March afternoon.

"Come now" he said. "Let's get you out of here."

"I shouldn't leave" she said, shaking her head in protest.

"You will catch a pneumonia" he argued. "Blair let me help you. Let's help each other."

"I don't _want_ to leave. I don't want to leave my baby."

Chuck didn't answer, but began to lead her back to the waiting car. Despite her vocal protests she didn't try and struggle to get out of his grip. She let him lead her to the car and didn't say a word as they drove off.

* * *

Chuck put a hand in the tub to feel the temperature of the water. It was a touch too cold for his liking so he turned the knob to add some more heat to it. Blair didn't seem to care too much either way. She was sitting in the tub, hugging her knees, resting her right cheek against them. Her eyes looked empty and every now and then new tears fell from them.

Chuck turned the water off after a few minutes and sat down on the floor next to the tub, waiting for her to say something. He had brought her back to her mother's penthouse after they left the gravesite and Eleanor had rescheduled their dinner for some other time. She had wrapped her arm around her daughter's waist and slowly led her towards her room while Chuck hurried up the stairs to start drawing a bath.

Blair had said very little but she had undressed and gotten into the tub on her own. She sat in the bath for almost ten minutes before she said anything.

"What kind of a mother am I?" she asked.

"What?" Chuck asked, jolted from his own thoughts.

"My son was barely in the ground before I started to ignore him ever even existing" Blair said. "God Chuck… How could I behave like everything is just the same? Like I'm not sad and have no real reason to be? I'm his _mother_ and I've been acting like his life meant nothing at all."

"Blair…"

"Oh God, if he's up there in heaven watching us he must think I never cared about him" Blair wept, pressing her face against her knees. "That his mother didn't love him at all."

"You carried him for seven months" Chuck said. "How can you think he would be unaware of how much you love him? You were the one who always fought for him, believed in him, believed he would make our lives better. You kept him safe and warm. You made plans for his arrival, bought everything he needed, flushed down Nate's and my pot so that he wouldn't get stoned… When I freaked out and when I couldn't accept that he was coming, when I didn't even _want_ him to come, you were on his side. Blair he knows all this."

"What does all of that matter now, when I haven't even been grieving for the past month and a half?"

"Oh honey…" Chuck said. "Everything you've just said about how you've acted… That _is_ grief. You've been hiding from it because it hurts too much, not shrugging it off because it doesn't hurt enough."

"You never call me 'honey'" Blair remarked, looking up at him.

He chuckled a little.

"Look, I know you. I know you've been trying to pretend everything is fine because the truth is too painful right now. That doesn't mean you don't love our baby."

"What if it does?" Blair asked, wiping away the tears that had just fallen down her cheek. "I didn't even know today was March 11th. When I realized it I didn't have much of a reaction. I didn't want to go to the fry's grave. Maybe I just didn't deserve him and that's why he was taken away."

"I understand that you're eager to find a reason why" Chuck said. "But there is none. Trust me. I've gone over all possible reasons why this happened so I know."

"Today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life" she said with a sigh. "The birth of my first child. I was supposed to see him for the first time today, touch him and smell him and hold him for the first time. And count his toes and fingers, and kiss his little head and hold him close to me and feel him nurse… I've imagined it in my mind at least a thousand times over. Our baby making those cute noises infants make… Looking into his eyes for the first time… Seeing whose nose he has, and whose mouth. Instead I'm sitting in a bathtub today with no baby, having just come from his _grave_. I can't even bear to think about the women who are giving birth as we speak and who will get to hold their child for the first time today. Chuck I never even got a good look at him. I didn't want to see. Do you remember which one of us he looked more like?"

"I couldn't really tell" Chuck said honestly. "It wasn't my priority at the moment."

He had actually taken a picture of their little baby, but he hadn't looked at it since. He thought about telling Blair about it, but he wasn't sure yet if she would be glad or be put off by the fact that he had photographed their dead child.

"I saw him as a sign" Blair said. "That everything would turn out alright with you and me. If we could make a baby, a perfect little person, then how could we be wrong together? But now that he's dead… What does that say about us? The product of you and me couldn't survive. Maybe our relationship isn't meant to either."

"None of that" Chuck said. "Royal is not some sort of sign about you and me. Like I told you, there was no reason why. You know I'm right Blair, this says nothing about us as a couple. People who are horrible for one another have healthy children all the time and people who are perfect together lose their babies. Life does not care about romantic compatibility between parents."

"Maybe he was better off this way" Blair said.

"That's enough" Chuck said. "I don't want to hear anymore of this."

"Think about it. A father who wasn't too thrilled he was coming, a mother who doesn't even grieve when he dies…"

"Except his father ended up looking forward to his arrival, and his mother is grieving. Do you think I don't see you? That I don't notice? Come on Blair, every night you press a pillow to your stomach, like a substitute baby bump. Do you think I've missed that? Or that I haven't noticed how you refuse to read newspapers and magazines since you're scared of finding us mentioned in them and you don't want to hear what they're saying about the stillbirth? I'm not an idiot, and in case you hadn't noticed, I'm always aware of what you're doing."

"The water's getting cold" Blair said, unwilling to discuss the subject further. She stood up in the tub. "Hand me a towel."

He rose and grabbed the large, fluffy towel Eleanor had put out for her. He felt far from finished with their discussion but he had gotten a lot more out of her tonight than he had in weeks and maybe this was all she could take for now. He wrapped the towel around her and helped her dry off while he tried not to think about the things she had said earlier about what they had been expecting to do this day. He had already thought about it far too many times and right now the baby's mother needed him more than the baby did.

* * *

The next day Chuck and Blair went out to dinner with their mothers. Even though Chuck appreciated their support the timing wasn't so good. Blair seemed unable to decide whether she was going to put her blinders back on or wallow in her guilt over having had them on in the first place. What he really wanted to do was make her choose a third option, and simply cry over her son. But that couldn't very well happen over a three course dinner at a high priced restaurant with Eleanor and Lily present.

Once dinner was over the two of them went back to the Empire. Blair walked straight into the bedroom, declaring that she was tired. Chuck watched her go with a sigh. They had made so many promises to one another the first few days after Royal's death, promises to let their shared pain unify them and to help each other through it. But he felt like Blair was bailing on him, like he was as alone now as she had been the first months they knew the baby was coming. Maybe it was just karma, but he wondered how long they would be able to go on like this.

They spent most of their days together but the intimacy had disappeared, slowly but steadily. At first he had blamed himself, thinking that if only he had let her in more during the first shocking days then maybe they wouldn't have ended up drifting apart. He had been determined not to let her see him cry, to be strong for her, but perhaps the two of them doing their crying away from each other was what had begun to drive them apart.

At this point he didn't even care what had caused the split. The divide was there, they weren't connecting, and since he couldn't go back in time and change anything that had happened all he ought to be focusing on was how to mend the wounds between them. He realized that most likely this was all fallout from the previous year, things that had never been completely resolved, wounds that had never actually healed. But the past was what it was, and he knew that as bad as the pain was now it would be tenfold that if he lost Blair too.

They weren't even having sex. They hadn't slept together since a few days before they had lost the baby. They had shared one night of holding each other close and kissing, but after that the physical intimacy had disappeared. He felt strongly that they needed it back. Not because he needed sexual release, but because they needed that connection, emotionally and physically. He wondered if she was reluctant to have sex because sex was what had created their son in the first place, and she didn't want to be reminded.

He picked up the bouquet of peonies from the table and walked into the bedroom. She was sitting on the bed hugging her knees, the same way she had been sitting in the tub the day before. He walked over and handed her the flowers without a word.

Blair took the flowers he handed her and brought them to her nose to smell them. She looked at them sadly and noticed that this bouquet also had a card. She opened it and read what Chuck had written.

"_We love you. Chuck & Royal._"

A joyless smile appeared on her face. Most of all she felt like crying but she didn't seem to have any more tears to cry at the moment.

"Chuck… About what you said before… About how I was constantly fighting for the baby and I was excited we were having him and all that…"

"What about it?"

Apparently she still had some tears left because now they were falling down her cheeks as she spoke.

"Chuck I was so scared. I was scared of becoming a mother, scared of the changes, scared we would mess our baby up… I really tried to be brave and I wanted everyone to believe I thought this was wonderful in every way, but… often when I was alone I would sit down and cry. I kept wondering if I would ever be able to graduate college and have a real career, and a dozen other things like that. Worries about how things would change. And I was really, really scared of so many other things. Childbirth being only one of those things. I don't know the first thing about taking care of a baby, and how exactly do you go about raising a child?"

"Glad to hear I wasn't the only one" Chuck said.

"No, it's horrible" Blair objected. "When I had that fight with Serena, one of the reasons why I was so upset was because she touched on a lot of subjects I wanted to ignore. She was right about a lot of things. Right about how fragile our relationship actually is, right about how things were going to be difficult once the baby came…"

"I don't understand" Chuck said. "You're talking like it bothers you now that you had those doubts. What difference does it make?"

"You keep saying that I was always defending my son and how I wanted him so much and how I thought it was one hundred percent wonderful that we were pregnant" Blair said. "But that's not how it really was. _Nobody_ was completely excited that he was on his way. Not even me, his mom. It just breaks my heart to think about it. This poor little boy who had done absolutely nothing wrong, and yet everyone had doubts about him and thought things would change for the worse when he came into the world."

"Wait, hold on now" Chuck said. "Blair the things you talk about, the doubts, the fears, all expecting parents have them. Maybe not people who are expecting their second or third child, but I promise you that everyone having their first feels that way. It's kind of the way it should be. If you never worry about being a good enough parent then you just don't care enough."

"Royal deserved for someone to love him completely and think his existence was nothing short of a gift from God" Blair said. "That someone should have been me."

"But you did love him. And you did want him."

"Not enough…"

Chuck moved further up on the bed until he was sitting by her knees. He reached out his hand and placed it on her arm.

"Blair do you know when it was I first knew I loved you?" he asked. "I'm not talking about when I first got a crush on you, I mean when I knew it was more than infatuation."

"I'm going to go with the first time I went down on you" she said, attempting a lame joke.

He chuckled.

"As I'm sure you recall, that happened _after_ I had told you I love you. No, I first realized it when I got the Gossip Girl blast that you were on your way back from Europe back in 2008. The way I reacted to finding out you were coming back, it made me realize that I wasn't just _in_ love, I _loved_ you. But it was another nine months before I was actually able to say those words to you."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I loved you our entire senior year" Chuck said. "I wanted you, I dreamed of you, I desired you… I knew I wouldn't be happy without you. But it still took me nine months to get those words out. I was scared out of my senses. I was scared of how my life would change if I tried having a relationship; just the thought of all the things I would have to give up, all the compromising and the sacrifices… Even though the pay-off would be amazing I was still afraid. What if I wouldn't be able to still be Chuck Bass if I had a girlfriend? And I was afraid of opening my heart to someone, giving them that much power over me. I was afraid I would make a horrible boyfriend, and that you wouldn't love me anymore once you inevitably saw the real me. I could go on listing the things that scared me until we're both senior citizens. The important part is, you know how much I loved you even then. It doesn't lessen our relationship that I had those fears. When we got together, did you honestly care that I had been such a coward?"

"No" Blair said.

"See where I'm going with this? All your fears and doubts and insecurities don't take anything away from the love you bear your son. If anything Blair it just further proves your love for him. Worrying that you won't be a good enough mother, worrying how we're going to be able to take care of him… You were concerned for his well-being."

"Chuck I appreciate what you're trying to do" Blair said. "But you can't help me unless you listen to me. I had doubts that were completely selfish. Worries about how _my_ life was going to be difficult because of him."

"My dear I worried about what you would do to me a million times over before we became a couple. Doesn't mean I loved you any less. For what it's worth though, I'm sorry. I was completely selfish during most of the pregnancy; I was so concerned with my own doubts and fears that you felt you had to suppress yours. You don't have to explain to me about those worries. I know them very well myself. I was the one who ran out of here when you first told me we were expecting a baby, remember?"

"Yeah…" she said in a whisper.

"I was terrified and upset and quite frankly I was really hoping you weren't actually pregnant. You know how long it took for me to accept my child. Why should you feel bad for having doubts when I had ten times the doubts you did?"

"I just wish at least _someone_ could have loved him unconditionally."

"You did. Eventually I did too. For all my doubts and fears I still grew to love him. I never realized how much until I saw him."

He moved so that he was sitting next to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed sadly.

"You know, even though I was in shock at the time, seeing and holding Royal made… made me feel like I had just lost everything" he said. "I mean, there was so much I wanted to know about him that I'll never get a chance to find out. I think about it all the damn time and it's driving me crazy. Especially today. What would he have looked like when he was a few years old? When he was an adult? And who would he take after, me or you? I like to think that he would be more at peace and happier than you and I were growing up. That what we lack in parenting skills we would be able to make up for in giving him a secure, loving home. But I wonder all the time, what was his personality like? What were his likes and dislikes? Would he have become a doctor? An astronaut? Or just a store clerk at Sachs, or a teacher, or an architect? Was he gay, straight or bi? We'll never know any of those things about him and that's the biggest loss of all. We'll never know who he really _was_. We don't even know what his screams sound like. His _voice_…"

Blair nodded slowly.

"Do you think he would have liked Audrey Hepburn movies?" she asked.

"I don't know. Do you think he would have liked single malt?"

"If he's anything like his father…"

"Do you think he would have hated us for naming him _Royal_?"

Blair couldn't help but giggle.

"It was your suggestion."

"Serena seems to think it's the stupidest name of all time."

"Serena didn't know him like we did. He was ours and it was a good name for him."

Chuck smiled slightly.

"Can you make me a promise?" he asked.

"What?"

"That from now on we try and go back to what we agreed on the first weeks after he died. To be together in this. And not do it separately anymore."

"I like the sound of that."

He placed a kiss on the top of her head and thought about everything they had talked about during the past two days. It was quite a lot, and he was glad she was beginning to open up to him. But he knew she needed help, more than he could provide her with.

"Blair… I think you and I should go see someone about all this" he said.

"A shrink?"

"Yeah. I think that would be best. We could go together, or you can go on your own if you prefer. But you need someone to talk to, someone who can give you an outsider's perspective and who knows how to help you. As much as I want to I can't be that person for you. I suspect a lot of the stuff you're dealing with has to do with me and how I acted up until December. Not to mention everything that went down last year, with Jack. Everything was not fine when we got back together, but I was just so relieved that you were taking me back that I didn't care about anything else. Perhaps it's time to deal with that. If you need to vent about me then you might find it easier with a shrink."

"I can't handle last year's stuff right now" Blair said. "This year's is enough."

"We're going to have to deal with it eventually. For real this time. If we want to have a future together."

She looked up at him.

"What are you saying Chuck?"

"I'm saying that wanting this to last is not enough. Not anymore, after everything that's happened. We have serious work to do, together, as a couple. I want you to be the person I grow old with. The person I raise a family with. For me there really is just the one and only; I've never been serious about anybody else but you. But somehow we've ended up slipping again. We have to really fight for this to work, and I know that I want to, that I _can_, so long as we have each other. But I can't do it on my own. And pretending that we're just fine simply because we're Chuck and Blair isn't going to cut it anymore. We have problems and they should be addressed."

"Could you please stop talking about us failing?" Blair said. "I'm willing to fight for us too. But I can't fight for everything at the same time. I'm just so overwhelmed…"

"Which is probably why you've been in denial."

"We swore we wouldn't lose each other" Blair reminded him. "I can't deal with the stuff between you and me right now; can't you just carry us through this Chuck like I've had to carry us through things in the past?"

"I lost him too you know" Chuck said and looked away. "Because you spent weeks pretending nothing bad has happened that means you now suddenly get monopoly on hurt and I should just get over it and do all the work with you and me? If you're not willing to work on this _with_ me then-"

"I know" she said and shushed him with a finger to his lips as she turned his head to face her. "I know. I'm sorry." She gave him a kiss. "I'm sorry Chuck, I just…" She kissed him again. "I just…"

The next thing he knew he was lying on top of her, kissing her hungrily while she began to slowly work on his buttons. Everything was so schizophrenic. Good, then bad. Happy then sad. Intimacy then distance. But finally it felt like they had made a connection. As they began to tear each other's clothes off and the bouquet of peonies landed on the floor with the bedspread they kicked aside Chuck started to feel better. So long as they could keep having moments like this, and talks like this, there was hope for them.

* * *

Nate skillfully poured the contents of the wine bottle in his hand into four glasses, filling up each glass equally. He then handed one glass to Chuck, another to Serena and a third one to Blair before taking the fourth one for himself.

"Is it just me or has the last year and a half sucked?" he then said, leaning back with his glass.

"Here, here" Blair said, taking a gulp of wine.

"Oh come on, it hasn't been all bad" Serena tried, receiving loud protests from the other three.

They were sitting on blankets on the beach on a warm night in the Hamptons. It was June and the four of them had decided to get out of the house, even if it only meant going down to the beach. Lily had asked Serena, Eric and Chuck to come out to the Hamptons over the weekend and Chuck had brought Blair. On Saturday Nate had come out as well, bored being by himself in the city. Now the four of them sat with their glasses of wine and stared out on the dark ocean.

"So what will the next year and a half be like, you think?" Serena said.

"According to my shrink it's likely to suck" Blair said. "At least for Chuck and me. It's so weird, Royal was conceived a year ago this month and I don't feel anything about it."

"Blair please don't tell me you're going into denial again" Nate groaned. "It's getting tiresome."

The last comment earned him an annoyed nudge from Chuck.

"It's not that" Blair said. "I don't know, I think it might be that we didn't know he existed until October. I'll probably have a reaction then."

"You don't _have_ to have reactions to _everything_" Chuck objected. "You just need to not ignore the things you do react to."

Serena nodded thoughtfully.

"I will say this Chuck…" she said. "The idea of fatherhood seems to have made you more mature."

Nate scoffed.

"You wouldn't say that if you had walked in on him playing a drinking game to '_Sesame Street_' a couple of weeks ago."

"I was plastered" Chuck said with a crooked smile.

"You know, it's funny…" Blair said. "Back when this year began Chuck and I had our entire future set out for us. Parenthood, marriage eventually, everything was so clear. Now there's nothing decided and that feels okay too."

"Admit it, you were pretty freaked about having the baby" Serena said, lying down to gaze at the stars.

"Turns out S, you can be both incredibly excited and really freaked at the same time" Blair said softly. "I thought he was going to make my life perfect… while at the same time I was afraid of how my life might change."

"For what it's worth," Nate said, "I'm proud of you both. While Serena and I both predicted doom and destruction last year you guys handled your situation really well. And after the tragedy you suffered you managed to come out alright in the end."

"Thank you Nate" Chuck said. "But it's only been six months. Too soon to be talking about how things turned out in the _end_."

"I see lots of babies in your future" Serena predicted. "Clearly you guys were more ready than any of us thought. And Nate is right, despite some setbacks along the way you guys are still together."

"No matter what happens we'll always be Royal's parents" Blair said. She then grabbed Chuck's hand and intertwined her fingers with his. "Thankfully we'll also be a whole lot more. If we can get through this and be closer than ever then what could possibly break us apart?"

The other three voiced loud objections.

"Those are the most dangerous words in the English language" Nate argued. "Why would you tempt fate like that?"

"Especially when you're with someone who's proven himself capable of romantic destruction in the past" Chuck added.

"I love your self-advertisement" Serena commented.

"You three are always so negative" Blair claimed. "Things will work out, one way or another. If the past couple of years has taught me anything then it's that."

"If there's anything it's taught _me_ it's to make sure to practice safe sex" Nate said dryly.

Chuck snorted at the comment and promptly emptied his wine glass over Nate's head, causing the girls to laugh and cheer.

"Great, my shirt is ruined!" Nate sputtered, eyeing the stains the red wine were leaving on his white Brooks Brothers shirt.

"Suit yourself" Chuck said.

"These glimpses of what you will be like as a father really make my day" Serena giggled.

"I need water" Nate whined. "I need to wash this off."

"Gee, if only there was an ocean nearby" Blair said, voice brimming with sarcasm.

"I have a better idea" Nate said.

He got up and ran back up towards the house. The others shared a look and then followed, picking up the blankets and the wine on the way. They caught up with Nate just as he ran into the part of the garden where the sprinklers were.

"Chuck!" he said, stopping and reaching his arms out. "Do the honors for me please."

With a laugh Chuck went over and turned the sprinklers on. Nate yelped when the water hit him but then grinned. With a loud cry Serena ran up to him, grabbing his hands to dance around in the sprinklers. Blair was soon by her side, followed by Chuck who grabbed a hold of her and lifted her up in the air.

She laughed when he squeezed her tight, and loudly complained about her hair being ruined, even though she didn't care one bit. She and Chuck may have been ready to become parents, but sometimes it could be incredibly nice to act like children for a while.

* * *

I contemplated adding some scenes taking place between the last chapter and the start of this one, to show more of Blair going into denial mode and how she acted while she was in it, but it felt like it was getting too long. I hope it didn't come off as too out of the blue. I know the last two chapters focused on she and Chuck facing things together while this one turns that on its head a bit. I think they _would_ face something like this together, but I needed the divide in order to adress some of the things I wanted to adress. Hope I didn't handle it too clumsily!

The epilogue will be up next week! Please review this chapter in the meantime ;)


	12. Chapter 12

So here we are, the final installment for this story! Before I let you get to the epilogue, I want to sincerely thank all of you for having been with me to the end. I know some of you were skeptic early on about Chuck and his behavior ;) I'm glad to see that most of you seem to feel that I've redeemed him in the last chapters.

Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, both with positive feedback and constructive feedback. You really make my day, all of you. I would especially like to thank those of you who have experienced similar things to what happens in this story (whether it's having a baby at a young age or losing a baby) for sharing your stories with me. I'm honored that you chose to tell me your stories, and I'm glad you felt it was realistic.

Now then, on to the epilogue, which I hope will tie up all the loose ends… =)

* * *

It was cold, but there was no snow falling from the January sky as Chuck and Blair walked up to their baby boy's grave. They were on their way to the church but Blair had insisted they stop by the graveyard first.

Her brown hair, cut short and styled into a bob she thought was very Audrey Hepburn, was flying in the wind and she began to regret that she hadn't taken a hat after all as her ears started to freeze. Ironically she had gone hatless so that her hair wouldn't be ruined but now it was blowing every which way. She would have to style it again when they got to the church.

The almost two months old baby girl in her arms had her ears and her head safely covered in a hat at least. A rather ugly hat Nate had found at a swap meet, a knitted thing that looked like the head of a bass. Blair found it hideous but Chuck thought it was hilarious and he had been the one to choose their daughter's headwear this morning.

"Here we are" Chuck said as they stopped by the two graves, his father's and his son's.

"Say happy birthday, Alicia" Blair told the baby and let her tiny hand wave to the grave. "It's Royal's birthday today."

Blair had insisted that they have their daughter's christening on the day that sort of was Roy's birthday. Chuck had thought it was a bit morbid but in the end he didn't care all that much about what specific date they christened their daughter so he had let Blair have her way. He didn't think it was necessary to have a christening at all, so since Blair felt it was he let her have things the way she wanted them.

Alicia Caroline Bass had been born a week after Blair's twenty-fifth birthday, a year and a half after her parents had gotten married. She had been a much anticipated child; it had been nine excruciatingly long months for both Blair and Chuck, both of them afraid that what happened with their first child would also happen with their second. But Alicia had arrived two weeks later than expected, perfectly healthy. Everything had gone just as well as could be, and a lot of ghosts had been driven from Blair's mind when she held her newborn, crying girl.

"We should go" Chuck said after a few minutes.

"We just got here" Blair objected. "Can't we just stay ten more minutes with him?"

"I don't want Alicia to get cold."

Blair nodded reluctantly and kissed her baby girl on the head, through that ridiculous hat which had been washed three times over before Blair let it anywhere near her child. If Nate wanted to slum it at a swap meet than that was his business but she refused to let anything like that near her baby unless she knew with absolute certainty it wasn't filthy.

Chuck put the flowers he had brought down on the graves, yellow roses on Bart's and pink peonies on Royal's, and then put his arm around Blair's waist. He lead her back towards the limo and got in after her.

Once they arrived at the church Blair quickly went to work with removing the baby's thick overalls and having Dorota iron the christening gown one more time. With Dorota's assistance she then dressed the baby in the gown and handed her over to her father. Now that the baby was ready Blair had to make sure she was presentable as well. With an annoyed frown she got to work with her hair, trying to get every strain of it to fall back into its proper place.

"Take a good look at Mommy" Chuck said to Alicia, lifting her up so she could get a good view. "See how she's fussing about her looks? That is sadly how you are going to be spending about one third of your life. Even though neither you nor Mommy have anything to worry about when it comes to appearances."

"Daddy is so full of it" Blair said sweetly, turning to look at her husband and child. "He spends almost as much time worrying about how he looks as I do."

"Poor baby, she doesn't stand a chance" Chuck laughed.

"Dorota go see if Serena is here yet" Blair said, grabbing a can of hairspray.

"Yes Miss Blair" Dorota said, hurrying out.

"She's probably going to be late as usual" Chuck sighed. "You know she's standing in front of the mirror right now, making sure she looks just perfect. I should give her a warning, all eyes should be on my daughter today, not on her silly godmother."

"You know S."

"Wish I could say I didn't."

"Remember Bass, we want to teach Alicia to be loving and compassionate. All snark, witty remarks and spitefulness may only be conducted when she is not around."

"She's too little to understand" Chuck shrugged.

Blair shot him a look, unwilling to take any chances. Not that she thought there was anything wrong with being snarky or spiteful, but her little girl was so unspoiled and she wished to keep her that way for as long as possible.

Alicia was a little miracle. Even though the doctor's had told Blair she shouldn't have any reason to worry about having another baby the concern had always been a the back of Blair's mind. She and Chuck had been trying to get pregnant for six months before Alicia was finally on her way, that alone had concerned Blair. Every single day when she was carrying her daughter she had been nervous. Especially when the baby was in the same week as her son had been when she lost him. When time came for her second baby to be born Blair had been adamant about having a natural delivery, unable to shake the thought that if she avoided all easy roads with this pregnancy she might truly deserve this child, and it would live. She hadn't told Chuck that when he protested vehemently and insisted that she take something for the pain, because she knew he would point out how irrational that was. Instead she had told him that she didn't want to take the chance with any pain relief since they didn't know for sure how it might affect the baby. She had made it through the birth, difficult as it had been, and more importantly the baby had too. The relief she had felt when she heard her daughter's screams had been unlike anything she had ever felt before.

Not a day went by without her thinking about the child she had lost, but as the years had gone by his presence in her mind had faded. He wasn't on her mind every hour anymore, and until she got pregnant again the thought of Royal hadn't made her cry for almost two years. But she would always wonder what it would have been like if he had lived.

He would have been almost five years old if he had been alive today. An individual, unlike her baby who was starting to show some characteristics but who wouldn't be a distinguishable individual for a while yet. Blair wondered almost daily what her boy would have looked like, what kind of interests he would have had, everything Chuck had mentioned that day after Royal's expected due date.

And she couldn't help but wonder what her life would have been like if she had given birth to a healthy baby boy in March of 2011. Would she still have the same college degree and the same job? Would she and Chuck be married? They had gone through a rough patch a few years back but the bond that had been forged though the death of their son had made them come through it. Would it have been the same if their child had lived? And what if she had never gotten pregnant in the first place? Sometimes Blair wondered if she and Chuck would have gone their separate ways years ago if it hadn't been for that pregnancy, the one that brought them closer than before and made them overcome the problems they had had earlier.

After the loss of their son neither one of them had spoken about trying to have another baby. Not until years later, a few months after their wedding. Deep down inside Blair knew they probably weren't ready back when she was first pregnant. Now that they had Alicia she was understanding more and more how unprepared they really had been back then. There was a reason why they had waited so many years before trying to get pregnant again. But she also knew that they were now a lot more grown-up and mature than they would have been if Royal had never existed. They had been forced to start growing up.

She looked over at Chuck and they shared a smile. His phone rang and he squirmed to try and fish it out from his pocket with one hand while holding the baby steadily with the other.

"Excuse me for a minute" he said to Alicia. "It's your soon-to-be godfather."

Blair turned to face the mirror again and carefully studied her looks. She looked perfect, or close enough. She glanced at her wristwatch while Chuck prattled on in the background.

"Seriously?" she heard Chuck say. "You're calling me twenty minutes before my daughter's christening to ask if you can bring a date? What do you think this is, a luau?"

Blair shook her head with a smile. While she was a bit disappointed that things hadn't worked out between her best friend and Chuck's there was always a lot of amusement to be drawn from Nate's romantic escapades.

Chuck hung up the phone with rolling eyes.

"Your godfather is kind of a moron" he told the baby. "Can you say 'moron'?"

"Chuck!"

"Oh come on, she needs to know at least one degrading word. Especially when it so accurately describes her godparents. She's going to be hearing it a lot."

Blair walked over and sat down on the sofa next to her family. She took her daughter's tiny hand in her own and leaned in to kiss her husband.

"Ready to be christened, sweetheart?" she asked the baby.

"Yeah, feel up for having a guy in a robe splash your head with water while everyone looks on?" Chuck said. "Baby's first taste of public humiliation."

Blair caressed the baby's soft, dark curls and smiled when the girl stuck her whole fist in her mouth and made a whole series of unintelligible noises. If Royal was her little angel then Alicia was her little miracle.

"You know Chuck, since we've had her I've really started to understand what the whole point was of us almost having a son all those years ago."

"There wasn't any point" Chuck argued for the umpteenth time. "Things like that don't happen to make a point. They just happen."

"Everything has a point" Blair argued.

"No… If they do then that means he was never meant to survive in the first place, and if that's the case then there was no real point in him existing to begin with."

"Yes there was" Blair said. "Sometimes I honestly believe we have him to thank for us still being together."

Chuck reached up the hand that wasn't wrapped around the baby and gently caressed her cheek. His hand then slid down and landed on her left ring finger, gently twirling the golden wedding band around, the one he had engraved: "_For longer than forever_".

"Blair… That is just your way of trying to assign some meaning to what happened. The truth is that he was supposed to live but he got sick, or something else went wrong. Maybe it was for the better, maybe it wasn't. Just don't attribute more to it than what it actually was."

Blair nodded, unwilling to argue about it. She had her ideas of the significance of their son's death but if Chuck had other thoughts then she would let him have them in peace, without her trying to inflict her thoughts on him.

Maybe he was right. Maybe there had never been a point or a reason. Perhaps it had just happened, seemingly at random, and they had learned from the experience and adapted.

Chuck lifted up the baby in his arms and gave her a big kiss. The truth was that he knew his daughter probably had her older brother to thank for her life. If the idea of being a father hadn't been forced upon him he would probably never have decided he wanted kids. He loved his lifestyle, and changing it to make room for a baby would have been the last thing he wanted. If it hadn't been for the way he had felt the last month before the stillbirth, and the way he had felt when he saw and held his son. Suddenly it had seemed like life would be empty if he never felt that kind of attachment, if there never were any children in it.

Without Royal back when they were too young and too screwed-up for parenthood there would never have been an Alicia now when they were older and ready.

They got up and Blair straightened the christening gown one more time before they would walk out into the church.

"There" she smiled. "You look perfect."

"Let's go have that priest splash water on you" Chuck said. "Save Dorota the trouble of giving you a bath."

He kissed the baby's head and then leaned in to get a kiss from Blair.

"Okay, let's go" Blair smiled.

"Oh, and Alicia, try not to spit up on this suit" Chuck said. "It's Valentino and spit-up is not a recommended accessory. You can puke on the Armani."

Blair rolled her eyes and opened the door. She then took Chuck's arm and walked out with him to greet the crowd that had gathered for the christening of their daughter.

* * *

Thank you all for reading =) Hope it wasn't too saccharine.

Before I wrap this up, I would like to apologise for sometimes taking several days to respond to reviews. I'm in the process of moving, and it's taking up a lot of my time. I promise I will try to do better =)

*shameless self-marketing* The response I got from the earlier chapters of this story made me want to write a story with Chuck and Blair as parents, and how they would tackle having a small baby and everything that comes with the baby growing up. So I began to write such a story, and I'll be posting the first chapter later today. Hopefully the pregnancy chapters won't be too similar to the earlier stuff in this story… Anyway, if you read it I hope you will tell me what you think =)

And that's all for me, and this story. Again, thank you so much to all who have read and reviewed!

XOXO


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